


Your Lie in April

by HypersomniacGrad



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hard Emotional Beats, Inspired by Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso | Your lie in April, Psychological Trauma, Unrequited Mitchsen, essentially a Your Lie in April AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2018-10-01 08:10:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 80,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10184756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HypersomniacGrad/pseuds/HypersomniacGrad
Summary: Beca Mitchell is a former child piano prodigy, dubbed the "Human Metronome" for her near-inhuman mechanical accuracy and unparalleled precision that led her to win many competitions across the country and even be invited to play abroad. When her mother died, the resulting psychological trauma caused her to be unable to hear the sound of her piano playing, and she gave up on it until, one day, a girl changes everything.Chloe Beale is an audacious, free-spirited violinist whose playing style reflects her manic personality. She wants nothing else but to help Beca return to the music world and show her that music should be free and mold breaking unlike the structured and rigid style she was used to.Can Chloe return Beca to the world of music?





	1. Monotone

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! If you’ve read my fics before, remember when I said I had 4 Bechloe fics left in me before the next This is the Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso/Your Lie in April AU I promised! It’s based on an anime with music at the heart of it. Other than a few liberties that I decided to take, I’m going to try and follow the anime as closely as I can. I have to admit though, I haven’t really decided on what ending I want to give it. If you’ve seen the anime, you know what I mean… if you haven’t, I highly recommend it! 
> 
> I don't own pitch perfect

The light was shining brightly above her, Beca’s own heart beat matching the very notes she stroke on the keyboard. In her head she could her the _ticking_ sounds of the metronome as note after note flashed before her eyes, playing the piece the way Beethoven had intended it. The third movement of his Moonlight Sonata.

The rush, the chasing rhythm, Beca could feel it in her veins but she had to fight back.

Playing the piano required discipline, more than talent. It required a great ability to replicate the exact same sounds as the composer had originally wanted it to be.

She can’t deviate. She knew she couldn’t.

That’s not what her mother would have wanted.

And so Beca played in amazing precision and awe-inspiring accuracy. She was the “human metronome”. The child prodigy making waves all around country and the globe, winning every competition in the country and receiving invitations to play in recitals all around the globe.

She knew the audience watched in baited breath.

She could feel all eyes were on her.

A feeling had been overtaking her, a _feeling_ ripping her apart inside regarding what she felt and what she must. Regarding how music speaks to her and how music was supposed to be as what her mother told her.

She wanted to play this for her.

It was all for her.

So she had to play it right.

Always.

She felt a shadow descending on her, the light fading away, a heaviness sinking in her heart.

And it grew more and more as she hit the crescendo…

Beca jolted up. Her head lifting up of the covered keys of the piano as she fixed the pair of glasses hanging askew on her nose. Outside, the sun was shining through the windows, the signs of an early spring evident. She had been utilizing the music room for the last few months as she worked on her part-time job of transcribing notes for some of the latest pop hits.

High school sucked on most days, nothing much of interest happening but her part-time job transcribing songs for karaoke and stuff did ensure that she had a good enough pile of saved money to do whatever she wanted on the weekends.

If she had any motivation to do anything.

Beca picked up her pencil and opened the notebook hiding the music sheet she had been working on. She felt for her earphones, plugged it in her phone, and pressed play as she begun working on the task at hand. She checked the time on the wall clock. She mercifully only dozed off for five minutes.  She knew she could do the work later in the afternoon once she’s home, but Beca promised her friends that they’d walk home together, and if she fails to do so, she knew she would never hear the end of it.

Not to mention the fact that they would literally breakdown her front door at home, drag her out, and ‘force’ her to have fun if she doesn’t. Thankfully, her dad was still away for business and the last time it happened, her neighbors had been pretty helpful what with wanting to keep an eye for her.

Beca was fully in the swing of things when all of a sudden she felt something hitting the side of her head before she hit the ground. Everything went black after that.

Not that it changed much.

When Beca came to she could hear footsteps shuffling about. She could feel something wet and warm on the floor where she was laying down. As Beca got up, she noticed the small pool of blood, her glasses right next to the floor, the shattered window, and her baseball responsible for the whole mess.

“Ah, the windows!? A-and blood!” Beca exclaimed, before wincing a little, her head aching a bit. Beca reached for the spot in her head where the pain was coming from just in time for Aubrey to spin her around with a scrunched up face.

“Here let me get that.” she grumpily said as she searched Beca’s items for her trusty first-aid kit. Judging from her outfit, Beca could guess that she ran out form practice to retrieve the ball she sent flying towards her direction in the first place.

“Way to go Posen, you broke another one didn’t you? Can’t you hit the ball softer next time?” Beca grumbled as Aubrey dabbed some of the medicine on the graze on Beca’s head.

“Are you saying I shouldn’t give it my all, Mitchell?” Aubrey replied, dabbing the cotton ball with medicine a little too hard on Beca’s head that it made her wince before Aubrey placed a band aid on her forehead. “Besides, did you really have to be in this stuffy old room in the first place? If you weren’t then you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

“Please enlighten me where I should be waiting for you, Jesse, and Amy then?” Beca deadpanned. “If I wait around the fields, I would only increase my chances of getting hurt with you being such a brute and all.”

“I am not a brute!” Aubrey replied with a huff as she stood up and assessed the situation in the music room. “I guess we should clean this up.” she then said, pointing at the fragments of glass scattered near the window.

“You think?” Beca retorted with a snort. “Remind me to fill up another incident form for this.” she added, before pulling herself up off the ground and heading towards where Aubrey stood. She reached down to pick up one of the shards but before she could she felt Aubrey’s hand slap hers away.

“Are you crazy? Beca, don’t pick those up with your hands. What if you slice one of your fingers?” Aubrey then remarked, her brows knitted together in frustration.

“It’s not like it matters.” Beca replied with a shrug but nevertheless relented.

“I should’ve known you’d ‘strike out’ again Aubrey.” Jesse then said, laughing hard, as he and Amy appeared just outside of the windows of the first floor music room. Amy was in the same uniform as Aubrey while Jesse was in his soccer gear for practice.

“Yeah, well, you know what happens when she gets all hyped up.” Amy replied trying to keep herself from chuckling.

“Oh shut up you two and come help us.” Aubrey commanded them, and the two agreed. Amy went the roundabout way to get into the building while Jesse jumped through one of the opened windows. Beca found herself relegated to watching them clean up and fixing her things in the music room as her friends cleaned up the mess.

One incident form later and a totally missed other-half of practice for her friends from their respective sports team and it was already time to go home.

“So do you guys mind if we hit a convenience store on the way home? I’m starving.” Jesse had said as they made their way through the streets. He was busy flipping through his phone, checking for messages walking right next to Beca. Aubrey stood on his other side, with Amy walking right next to Beca.

“It’s always food or romance with you, isn’t it?” Amy, had asked and Beca admit she had to chuckle. They only in high school, having only migrated to the States back then, but she’s become fast friends with the group for sure.

Since they were kids, Jesse had always been obsessed with the ideas of romance and wooing the girl. He was a bit of a ladies’ man, sure, but at least he’s still a respectable gentleman. Never dating girls just to use them.

The problem is that he’s in love with the notions of falling in love, and not being and staying in love with them.

And then of course, there was Jesse’s other love. Food.

Something Beca could admit he happily shared with him.

“I’m definitely seconding that motion.” Beca had replied.

“Of course you would.” Aubrey then said. “If we’re going to a store, let’s go to the one at the corner of Willow St. They have really good popsicles there.”

Beca smiled at Aubrey’s suggestion. Yet another one thing that she could rely on, Aubrey’s sweet tooth and love of popsicles. She can’t help but remember how when they were younger, she would stock up for the week every time they walked back home only for her to eat them all before the following day.

But the memories of the past were forever tainted by a melancholic hue now and Beca soon found the light smile on her lips turn bittersweet.

She looked at the setting sun, the flowers starting to bloom, and it all fell flat. She used to love spring, the wonderful colors it brought her as the season breathed new life into the world after the bitter chill of winter passes over them.

Amy soon left them after getting a snack of her own, heading towards a nearby bookshop while Jesse ended up ditching them after he gets a text from this girl he liked.

“She’s number what now?” Aubrey had asked as they left the convenient store. “Honestly, can’t he just stick with one girl he likes?”  she complained.

“Girl number three this year.” Beca replied rather thoughtfully. “And careful now, you sound jealous.”

“No, I’m not.” Aubrey protested. “It’s just… I don’t know. I was talking to Amy earlier, about falling in love and all that. She said that the first time she ever though she liked someone she could see the world coming to life all around her, like colors started to jump to life. I wonder if that’s how Jesse feels each time he falls in love with a new girl. I wonder what happens to the girl he leaves behind.”

Beca shrugged. “It’s not like things ever gets serious. He takes them out to dates but he never makes it official and he’s always on his best behavior.” she said, defending Jesse.

“I know, but still. To have that so much of an impact on someone…” Aubrey replied getting lost in her thought as she nibbled on the edge of the stick of her now consumed popsicle. “How about you, Beca, ever thought of that?”

“I don’t think I’m special enough to have that much of an impact in someone’s life.” Beca had replied, stopping a moment to turn and look at Aubrey.

Aubrey gasped but what else could Beca do but be honest.

The world had become so still for her. Boring. Bleak.

She didn’t even notice it but Aubrey had been giving her a rather impassioned speech about how she shouldn’t think or feel like that. It wasn’t really until Aubrey grabbed her hand and said “Dammit, Mitchell, pay attention!” that she did. “You’re in high school! You’re eyes are listless and dull!”

“Well, my eyes are pretty dark.”

“You’re eyes are blue!” Aubrey argued.

“Yeah, but a bit grayish, don’t you think?” Beca replied without much of a complain.  

And yet all Beca could think was how Aubrey’s eyes light up when she asks her to lighten up a bit and think positive for once. To take a chance and embrace that maybe she could breathe life to someone and bring color to their world.

All kinds of shades and hues.

But that was just unlike her.

And Beca felt a nit jealous because how nice must it be to see the world bursting with life and color for once.

Aubrey sighed as she lets Beca go and marched away rather annoyed. “So how’s your dad? When’s he coming home?”

Beca ran up to catch up to her before giving another shrug. “I think in a month or two. It really depends on who his clients are.” she replied. The two eventually fell into comfortable silence as they reached two large homes at the end of the street where they part ways.

Beca opens the door, greeted by the darkness of her living room area. She runs straight into the kitchen to fix herself a simple dinner, stopping along the way on the hallway that connected the living room area to a closed room that housed their grand piano. She smiled weakly at her mother’s photograph on the stand.

“Hey mom, I’m home.” Beca whispers before turning around, ignoring the haunting feeling of that shut door that she had walked away from.

She could hear Aubrey’s words from earlier following her through the night, how her eyes sparkled, she wished she could have that.

But she can’t.

Because in her eyes, life comes through in monotone.

Like the black and white of the piano keys.

Beca closed her eyes that night for another dreamless sleep.

Except it wasn’t entirely dreamless.

Because when she sees herself on that stage once more, a growing fear had begun to surround her as she clutched her ears.

The spotlight was still on her but all she could see were the tears hitting the keys.

And all the music had faded away, gone forever.

Not even the whispers of the crowd could reach her.

And there in that moment, that was when she knew that the days of her playing were done.

The world she knew had changed and transformed, the music was gone.

All that was left was an echo of a misplaced key.

 

* * *

Aubrey always watched.

Every performance, every recital and competition.

She watched from out far in the audience as Beca shone on, even when she would play as an emotionless robot, she played with a kind of mastery that was second to none.

There was a reason why, despite being called a human metronome, people had admired her.

And of course Aubrey had always been in awe of her.

The piano had always been her life ever since she started to play. Aubrey could remember how her mother would be strict about her practice and her lessons, being Beca’s mentor. She would play a piece over and over and over again until she got it more than right.

Until she got it perfect down to the very last note played at the right time.

Aubrey watched Beca outside of the classroom as she leaned by the doorframe. It was their lunch period, for crying out loud, and there she was munching on a sandwich while she worked away, earphone plugged into her ear. For someone who’s avoided music for a few good years now, she sure clung onto it like a lifeline.

Aubrey threw the ball in her hand towards Beca, “Think fast Mitchell!” she even warned ahead of time and yet Beca still didn’t pay attention.

Instead, Beca yelped as the ball hit the back of her head. “What the hell?” she complained, tearing her earphones away and turning angrily at Aubrey.

“For Christ’s sake, Mitchell, you’re in high school! Live a little will you? Be more lively!” Aubrey scolded her, picking up the ball.

“That’s no excuse! You shouldn’t have hit me with the ball in the first place!” Beca argued.

“Yeah well, the past is the past.” Aubrey replied as she sat down the desk in front of her with a huff.

She wasn’t there to lecture Beca about her bad habits for now. She was here for a favor.

“So what do you want Posen?” Beca grumbled rather annoyed.

Aubrey smiled. “So tomorrow’s Saturday and you don’t have much of anything to do.” She had started but Beca interrupted her.

“You can’t just assume that.”

“Tell me about your big plans then?” Aubrey challenged and Beca simply grumbled back.

She waited a minute to see if Beca had anything to argue back but instead she simply stared at Aubrey with great impatience, chewing at the temples of her glasses – a habit she had when she was annoyed – wanting to get back to work. Aubrey took that as her cue. “There’s this girl in one of my classes. Actually, she’s been in most of my classes since freshman year. I don’t think you ever met her, you never really pay attention to much of anything and she’s pretty busy with a lot of stuff. But anyways, she likes Jesse and she’s been trying to get me to introduce them and set them up on a proper date. It’s just, I was wondering if you’d like to chaperone them. The date’s this Saturday.”

“No.” Beca simply replied.

 “Come on, she’s a classical musician too. Hence, the busy life schedule. You play the piano and she plays the _whatever_. You could at least talk about that if the conversation lags. I like music myself but I’m not trained in classical music. The only thing I know is I love the pieces you play.”

“But I gave up on the piano a long time ago.” Beca complained.

“You were playing yesterday, you liar!” Aubrey tried not to yell back, responding through gritted teeth.

Why was she making this difficult?

“That’s just for my job.” Beca grumbled. “I’m transcribing stuff by ear, you know that. I’m not actually playing.”

“Come on Beca, please do this for me. This girl really likes Jesse and she’s a really good friend of mine from my classes. If she wasn’t so shy and nervous in meeting Jess, I wouldn’t be doing this. Heck, we’d probably all be best buddies now.” Aubrey then replied, trying not to sound like she’s pleading…

But she definitely was…

…not like she would admit that.

“Okay, but why should I be the third wheel?” Beca asked sounding rather exasperated.

“Because, if things go well, _I’ll_ be the third wheel. It would be awkward. But if we’re a group of four…” Aubrey went on with a smile. “If the conversation lags, you can pick it up and let Jess regroup mentally, you know.”

“Is this why you were chastising him yesterday?” Beca then asked, rather exasperated by the topic. “Why can’t Amy do it?”

“Because she’ll ditch us the first second things get boring.” Aubrey replied. “And besides, I think she might also have a date, I’m not really sure about it. Please, be the good ‘Friend A’ in those rom coms that Jesse loves so much?”

Beca looked hesitant for a moment or two but she nevertheless agreed.

Aubrey smiled.

Sure it was for chaperoning a date for one of their best friends, she promised she would be there to take the pressure off. Besides, if her friends hit it off, she could just take off with Beca, make it a less awkward exit.

At the very least, she wouldn’t be cooped up in the house all day, as she usually does, surrounded by nothing but silence.

Aubrey wasn’t going to lie, it always bugged her that she could no longer hear Beca playing. Her window was just above the first floor windows of the piano room from Beca’s house.

And she started to miss the music.

Aubrey sighed and smiled as soon as Beca reconfirmed that her answer would be yes – she might have bugged her a good three times after she initially agreed to make sure she won’t back out. Jesse easily agreed that morning, and Beca, though challenging, thankfully wholeheartedly relented.

Aubrey left Beca be as soon as she got a confirmation that she would meet up with them Saturday and went straight to finding the certain little redheaded friend she had promised to help out.

That night, Aubrey slumped down her bed, staring at the floor.

She was still greeted by nothing but silence. She had been urging Beca to try and pick up the piano again, she was always cooler back when she played.  

Sure she hated that playing took time away from her and Jesse to spend with Beca but Beca had always been happy and full of life back then.

Sadly, Beca was insistent to never again touch the keys.

And it saddens Aubrey a little, remembering the first time she heard Beca played with all of her emotions.

It was the first time her world had burst into life.

Aubrey was taken out of her reverie when her phone started to ring. “Hello,” she answered and smiled as she heard the bubbly voice on the other end of the line.

“Yes, Chlo. It’s for sure already. Calm down a little, everything would go smoothly, I promise. I’ll be there for you.” Aubrey then said in response to the rambling she got from the other end.

Chloe, her friend, seemed excited regarding the date she had set-up with Jesse.

And truth be told, Aubrey was a little excited as well.

She was hoping, at the very least, that perhaps meeting Chloe would help bring Beca back to being the girl who could paint pictures just with a sound played from a key of the piano.


	2. Colorful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca meets a girl under cherry blossom trees and her fate begins to change...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for the support thus far! Clearly you guys DON'T want the anime ending… Thanks for letting me know about your concerns, I would most definitely take them into consideration as I decide on how I want to end this fic. Whatever the outcome is though, it still would be a bumpy ride, so still keep those tissue boxes in hand :P
> 
> This is solely Beca's POV. Just a heads up, there's a bit of a preview of what Beca had to endure in the past during her lessons. We'll delve into that eventually. If you know the anime, you know what I'm talking about. Consider this as a warning.
> 
> Comments and reviews are always appreciated! Thank you for the patience with the wait between updates. Hopefully I'll nail down a concrete schedule soon :)
> 
> I don't own pitch perfect.

Beca wasn't sure what she was doing. Surely there were even better ways of spending a Saturday than chaperoning the master of romantic comedies and captain of the soccer team, Jesse Swanson, and some girl that Aubrey was friends with, right?

But she did agree in the end, so she might as well. Besides, Aubrey promised to be there. If anything she could spend an afternoon annoying the hell out of Aubrey if things take a turn for the worse.

Beca had no idea where they were going, just that they should meet up early that Saturday afternoon. Aubrey had to meet Amy sometime that morning to go over some project for a class so Beca found herself going to their meeting place by herself. Jesse would meet them there too.

Hopefully, she would find her friends before she ends up running into this unknown girl.

Because how awkward would it be if she was the first one there, right? She wouldn't even know who it was to approach.

And what if she knew Beca? They did attend the same school. She'd feel bad if she didn't recognize her, but then again, high school was just a mundane ritual she was simply passing through, so who could blame her.

Beca found herself walking aimlessly through the park. It was a nice day out, bright and sunny with a cool gentle breeze. There were families going around, kids running around playing. They all looked happy.

They looked like perfectly complimented the nice scenery painted by spring.

Beca looked around as she sat down on a stony bench. Aubrey said they should meet at the concrete benches near the playground but so far there was no sign of any of her friends.

She patiently waited for a good ten minutes, listing to the current chart toppers through her earphones, trying to entertain herself but considering she had no concept of fun whatsoever, that most definitely did not last long.

Beca was a little annoyed, huffing and sighing as she shoved her hands into the pocket of her hoodie and proceeded to go around the area where they should meet. She was usually the one who's late. Actually, she was purposefully tried to be late so that she wouldn't have to wait for anyone.

Walking around, Beca found some random black piece of clothing strewn across the bushes somewhere. Beca nearly yelped when she realized they were a pair of leggings, next to it was a pair of flats.

Beca grabbed the items and quickly tried to find the owner. That was when first heard it.

She wasn't really entirely sure what _it_ was though.

Beca decided to remove her earphones and stuff them in her pockets as she followed the sounds. "A melodica?" Beca then said to herself as she came around a few cherry blossom trees in full bloom.

She found herself a few steps away from the playground, her eyes on the girl with red hair playing the melodica on top of a space dome. Next to her were three kids, watching her with big expectant eyes as she played along her piece.

She stopped for a minute and looked thoughtful.

Honestly all that Beca could think about was how she looked beautiful in her dress.

Then Beca realized she was standing there barefoot, and it didn't really take long to figure out who lost their shoes and apparently their leggings…

"I thought you said the birds would come if we played?" one of the kids asked, tugging on the hem of the skirt of the redheaded girl's dress.

"They will. But how about this time we all play together so we can reach them?" she replied with a light smile on her face. She counted off to three and started to play with her melodica again and soon the three kids cheerfully playing along with her using a recorder, cymbals, and another melodica with a flexible mouth piece.

Beca found herself transfixed by the moment, by how her body swayed lightly to the tune like the three children around her.

The birds fluttered close, butterflies fluttering about near the flowers and the trees. Like the birds, Beca could feel herself being drawn by the scenery herself.

She wasn't exactly quite aware of it, no.

But something was changing within her in that moment.

Her monochromatic view of the world was starting to fade, hues of color were starting to spill from the edges as the simplistic music reached her, rooting her to the spot. She couldn't take her eyes off of her. Because there, on top of the space dome was an angel playing a melodica with three kids playing simple instruments and they had played with such harmony and heartfelt emotion that it started to stir something sleeping deep within her.

Beca could feel the goosebumps prick her skin as she could feel the light bursting through, reaching her with such warmth she never thought she could ever possibly feel.

The ticking that had always been a constant in her head when she heard music was starting to disappear simply leaving behind the notes…

…and leaving Beca speechless.

The world around her was beginning to take color in a way she never knew it could, the whole world begun to sparkle.

All happening with each step she took to reach them.

Once the song was over, the birds took flight and fluttered about. Beca watched, her hand on her phone having recorded everything. A gentle breeze blowing by, cherry blossom petals flittering about them.

The redheaded girl did her best to stop the skirt of her dress from fully blowing upwards just in time to notice Beca taking a snapshot of the scene before.

"Uh…" Beca struggled to say as the girl blushed hard.

"What on earth do you think you're doing?!" she heard her exclaim before rushing down the space down. "And you stole my leggings!" she accused, hurling the melodica towards Beca who luckily dodged it in time.

She then grabbed the recorder and proceeded to run after Beca, asking her to delete the photograph and calling her a pervert for taking her leggings.

"Hey, you were the one who took them off!" Beca argued, standing her ground and reaching up to fiddle with her glasses. She looked away as she blushed hard, the other girl having reached her. Up close she looked rather cute.

_And seriously, what the hell Mitchell, why are you going around having thoughts about this girl you don't even know being super cute…_

_Cut it out,_ she chastised herself.

The other girl simply huffed as Beca reached tried to hand her back her items. She quickly snatched it from Beca's hand, looking away all while blushing hard. "It was warmer than I thought." she heard her grumble.

"Hey! There you are!" Beca then heard, turning her attention to the source of the sound. Aubrey was running up towards them with Jesse close behind, his usual cheerful self.

"Hey Bree!" Chloe chirruped, her moods changing as she ran up to meet Aubrey with a hug. That was when Beca realized that she must be the girl Aubrey had been talking about.

"Gosh, sorry to keep you waiting." Aubrey replied as she pulled away. "But anyways, I think it's about time you guys officially met. Jess, this is Chloe Beale, the girl I told you about. And Chloe, you know Jesse Swanson, captain of the soccer team and movie enthusiast."

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Chloe replied with a brilliant smile.

Jesse flashed a sparkling grin. "Oh no, no, the pleasure is all mine." he replied in a suave cool tone as the two fell into an easy flowing conversation between them.

Aubrey slowly trekked back to where Beca was standing, quirking an eyebrow at here. '"I see what you're up to. Quite sly, Mitchell." she heard her say.

Beca took of her glasses and wiped them clean in an attempt to look away from Chloe and Jesse. She shrugged, "I don't know what you mean, Posen." she replied coolly.

"You were trying to get here early so you can meet her first. Feeling a little overprotective of Jess or are you telling me this is your ladderized way of swooping in and stealing the girl? You know, becoming friends first and all. For that matter, didn't even know you're into girls." Aubrey teased.

"I don't know what you mean." Beca replied, years of rigid and structured training coming into her aid as she kept her tone steady.

Aubrey simply sighed and looked away. Beca turned in time to catch a glimpse of a hint of sadness in her eyes. "What?" she asked rather curios about the expression on her face.

"Nothing." she replied as she tried to recover. "But don't you go falling for the girl, Beca. We're here in a supporting role for Jesse."

Beca simply nodded. "I know." she added, trying to sound like she didn't care much.

But deep down, she found herself caring a little too much.

"Then quit gawking at Chloe." Aubrey then pointed out. It was only then that Beca realized that what she was telling was true, she was indeed staring at the redhead. She couldn't help it though.

Something happened, something changed, and Beca wished she knew what. But there was something about Chloe that made her heart ache, that made her yearn that she was in Jesse's place talking to her with such confidence and charm.

How she wished that it was her flirting back, this despite the rocky start of their meeting.

"I-I'm not… 'sides, she's not my type." Beca managed to string along as a reply, doing her best to tear her eyes of Chloe.

Aubrey sniggered. "So girls _are_ on the table?" she threw back as a question, a light teasing tone in her voice.

 _Of all the things, of course_ that _is what she gets out of what I said…_

"Oh, shut up." Beca groaned and fixed her glasses back in place.

She was expecting the world to fade away again. To go back to her filtered scenery of black, white, and gray.

But it won't.

It wasn't the same anymore.

Aubrey cleared her throat. "Right, and Chlo, I want you to meet our best friend over here. This is Beca Mitchell, Beca, I see you've met Chloe earlier." she then said, turning her attention to both Beca and Chloe. "She could be a handful but she's an ever dependable 'Friend A'." she added towards Chloe.

"Oh, gosh. Hi! I'm so sorry about the misunderstanding earlier." Chloe then said running up to her and going in for a hug.

"I swear if you say anything about that picture…" Chloe then whispered in a threatening tone. Beca wasn't sure if she was joking or not but it sure did sound like Chloe was trying to be as menacing as she could.

Except it didn't really hit the mark.

Oh, Beca was scared, sure. He could hear a low growl coming from Chloe's throat.

Except when she held her in that unexpected embrace, it sure didn't feel like Chloe would ever make good of that threat.

Chloe let her go with a proud little smirk before she ran back to Jesse who was complimenting her about her sweetness.

Chloe simply smiled back as Beca found herself reverting back to watching from out far. "Oh, we should probably hurry up if we want to make it on time." Chloe then commented as she looked at her watch.

"Where are we going?" Jesse asked with a smile on his face.

"There." Aubrey replied, jumping in as Chloe ran back to the space dome to grab a pink case from inside. From the shape of it, it looked like it contained a violin.

_So that's what she plays…_

Beca quickly shifted her gaze to where Aubrey was pointing before Chloe could even notice her looking back towards her general direction. She nearly gasped as she saw the outlines of a familiar building from out far.

She rarely saw it from the angle of the side of the playground, that's why Beca didn't even notice it. She was used to coming from the side of the parking lot from the main road.

The music hall stood proudly ahead of her. She could hear Chloe explaining something to Jesse as her heart started to beat with trepidation.

_The last time… the last time I was there I…_

"No way! You can play that thing!" she heard Jesse say in awe but the sounds were slowly fading as Beca closed her eyes. She could feel herself sitting back on the bench, playing the ever so familiar keys, her mother watching over her as her words chased her after her dreams.

It was her mother's dream to become a world class pianist.

And when she fell ill, Beca took it upon herself to play the piano to make her happy. She couldn't even remember why she did it in the first place. Her mother was a piano teacher and she had become her mentor after expressing her interests. When her mother knew she couldn't realize her dream anymore, Beca took her place.

All the memories came rushing back to her. Somewhere down the line of mastering pieces, of endless amount of practice, she lost the glee and joy that had initially come with playing.

Her mother would be harsh and strict and if she made a mistake, she would hit her hands with her cane.

All until she could play it right the next time.

Beca could feel the emotions trying to reach her like she was drowning in the past yet again. An overwhelming sadness took her over as she opened her eyes and she saw the colors starting to fade again.

Beca looked up and she could see the concern in Chloe's eyes on her as Aubrey excitedly talked about a competition to Jesse, sharing her own knowledge of having been a long time audience member for similar performances despite usually sticking with the piano competitions herself. She sounded excited herself.

And Beca wished she could share that same sentiment. Instead she could feel her anguish, all bottled up, threatening to escape from deep within her.

But no, she wasn't going to fall apart now. It's been years. She's stronger than that, besides, she's moved on.

She could still feel Chloe staring at her as she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself, fiddling with her glasses to hide her anxiousness. She hadn't stepped back into that music hall since the last time…

…since that day of her last performance years ago…

…the unfinished melody still haunting her to this day.

Beca looked up and saw Chloe's eyes meeting hers. She smiled kindly and shrugged a little as she picked up her case with both her hands and placed her hands behind her. She spun around and looked back as she her light smile grew bigger and chirruped, "Let's go! Remember, you have to keep your eyes on the stage if you want to see me because that's where I'll be!"

It was like an unspoken dare as she said the words looking straight into Beca's eyes before she heads towards the direction of the music hall.

Beca stood there, staring slack-jawed, as an overwhelming feeling runs through her body, the light shining brightly from behind Chloe.

She stared in awe as the colors started to spill back into her view.

"Come on. I'll race you two." Aubrey then said towards Jesse and Beca, following Chloe's lead, before running ahead with excitement. Jesse simply grins and accepts the challenge, catching up to Aubrey to thank her for introducing them to Chloe.

Beca weighed her options for a moment, the memories of the past still casting long shadow over her. She looked down at her own hands, feeling the push and pull of the darkness, of the memories she tried to bury deep down to lose within the silence that had taken over her life. "No, I think I'll pass." she said loud enough for the group to hear before turning to leave herself, resigning to her fate.

But before she could even take one step, she felt warm hands, reach out and grab hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. Beca looked up and saw the softest of smiles and ocean blue eyes staring right back at her. "You should come." she heard Chloe say in the gentlest of tone.

And how could Beca say no to that? How when the very girl herself was an embodiment of music? Of the notes and movements she chased, of the symphonies she mastered.

How could she say no to the longing look in those ocean blue eyes, a look that Beca simply couldn't understand? How when her voice rang above the deafening silence she had welcomed?

Just how could she say no to this girl she just met?

Especially now that for the first time in a long time, her world was coming to life, bursting into full blooms of colors she had forgotten and never thought existed.

Aubrey smiled before reminding them of the time and calling over to them. She and Jesse were now up ahead of them. Her two best friends continued their race towards the music hall as Beca felt Chloe pulling her along as she ran to catch up to them with the brightest of smiles on her lips.

Spring was blooming all around…

… _and I am taking off with you…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Beca met Chloe and her fate's begun to change… :3
> 
> And also, clearly I lied and chapter 2 came earlier than expected. Chapter 3 might not be up for like a week or so though. The only reason I finished this early is because it's based on the second half of the first episode and I was re-watching it as I wrote chapter 1 :P
> 
> I'll try to upload the next update for the Ouran AU (if you're also following that) over the weekend. I'm halfway through the chapter update (although that's been sitting in my folder for the last two weeks so…). Also, if you're tuning into the Supergirl fic I'm writing (woo, 5 chapters to go before it ends!) I'll try to get the next update up by Monday at the latest, it's just, it's long… a lot of stuff happens...
> 
> UPNEXT: Beca confronts her past by visiting a place she had long forgotten; Chloe performs for the first time with Beca in the audience; Beca laments her position as 'Friend A'


	3. Friend A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the wait, here's chapter 3. It's split into Beca for the most part, a bit from Aubrey, and a brief Chloe POV. We will get more POV with Chloe at some point. Maybe a Jesse POV down the line and an Amy one too? But not for a while though. We will get to see the other characters at some point, I promise you that! That said, Jessica and Ashley makes a guest appearance in this one ;D
> 
> Comments and reviews are always appreciated! Thank you for the continuous support :) I'm kind of busy with ongoing fics right now but if you do have a request or an idea you want to see me write at some point someday (hopefully before the third movie) just shoot me a message and let me know. They might pop up in the form of one shots or mini-fics. ;)
> 
> That said, Beethoven's violin sonata no. 9, the Kreutzer, is being performed on this update. Give it a listen to and then give a listen to Kaori Miyazono's (Chloe's anime counterpart in the show) version ;) It's a treat.

Beca wasn't exactly the athletic type but keeping up with her tightly knit group of friends composed of all student athletes over the years had grown to be a necessity. For the most part, they won't let her be a hermit in her own house and said door-busting activities had forced her hand to at least be able to keep up with them in running around. And to that, she was thankful.

At least, she could keep her breath steady as they charged the music hall.

Although initially, she had to admit, Chloe pulling her as she practically sprinted past Jesse and Aubrey made her trip almost a few times.

"So, what time does the competition starts?" Jesse asked as he rushed past the pack with ease, looking back at Chloe with a charming smile. Chloe was explaining earlier as they ran how she's competing in the spring competition for violin for their age group.

"Oh, the hall opens at around three. The competition starts at three-thirty." Chloe replied rather nonchalant as Aubrey picked up the pace.

"But it's already three-twenty! Chloe, you're really cutting it close!" Aubrey then remarked Chloe simply smiled.

"No worries, I'm the fourth up so I've got time." she said cheerfully.

Beca gave her a rather puzzled look. If it was her in Chloe's shoes, well, things would be different. She wasn't exactly the pace back forth kind of girl, no. She wasn't the jittery type either. But she would be there, backstage, playing the piece in her head as she pretended to play on the keys.

Take a few deep breaths, calm herself down.

And towards the end of those days that now felt so long ago, she would try to fight the darkness that was taking over, seeping into her mind.

Haunting her, mocking her, of a shadow that had been cast down by her once upon a time dreams, by the expectations of excellence that surrounded her.

And yet Chloe was calm. She was happy and vibrant and filled with excitement.

Like she couldn't even wait to be on the stage

Yeah, things would be different if it had been Beca.

_But it's not you on that stage this time, Mitchell._ Beca thought to herself, a bittersweet smile on her face.

Those days were gone.

As if they had all just been a dream.

And music was now nothing but a deafening silence.

"Yes! We made it on time!" Aubrey exclaimed, invigorated as she ran past Jesse and made it through the doors of the music hall. She sounded so happy and energetic that it felt so different and off from how she's been like lately. Beca's known Aubrey all her life, she worried a lot, she stressed about the small stuff. But she was always smiling and happy.

Beca barely even noticed the change, not until she saw the excitement on Aubrey's face right now. No, she didn't notice that Aubrey grew to worry more than she used to, and smiled far less too.

Not until now at least. And Beca couldn't help but wonder what had changed.

Beca paused to catch her breath as Jesse noted how in the classical music scene, or at least in competitions like the one they were now attending. Beca smiled. Other than Aubrey, Jesse was the only one she's known since they were kids.

Truth be told, the three of them felt like they've been friends forever. But Jesse was never into classical music, so he was never really there during Beca's past competitions.

Beca took a deep breath and looked around. She could feel her nerves starting to get the best for her and she wasn't even the one performing. She barely noticed Chloe waving them goodbye as she headed towards the backstage area to get all set-up, Aubrey and Jesse chatting with each other, grabbing a program.

The last time she was here… the last time…

"Is it weird that I'm the one getting nervous?" Aubrey asked. "I know Chlo would do well. I never really heard her play before but she's always so passionate about everything."

"I'm sure she'll be great. And did I mention how cute she is? Thanks for introducing her, Posen." Jesse grinned back as a reply.

Beca tried to shake herself awake and follow her friends as they made their way to the auditorium. She tried, she focused on their voices and did her best to make an effort and move.

But she was back in some sense.

Back to the place she never thought she'd be in again.

_You came here to win…_

The words echoed in her head. Words etched in her mind in the past as her mother kept reminding her.

But today was the first time she came here not to play, but to listen.

Still it wasn't enough. No matter how hard she tried to remind herself that it's been years. People should have forgotten her and who she was.

And yet suddenly she could hear the whispers growing louder and louder, suddenly she could feel all eyes on her.

People see, people know, and people wonder where she went after that fateful day on stage when the music in her had died.

"Beca, are you okay?" Jesse asked, looking back at her with a worried expression on his face.

Beca took in slow shallow breaths to calm her down. "I'm fine." she said flatly, trying to muster all the strength she could find to give her friends a light smile back. Jesse and Aubrey smiled back at her, Aubrey looking rather apologetic.

And Beca found that she could breathe again. Her friends were her anchor to the present, her mother's words were her chains from the past.

But for that moment, the present won.

Beca continued to take steady breaths to keep herself calm. It felt strange being in the auditorium as a part of the audience for once. She nervously fixed her glasses on her nose, a nervous habit she picked up as she grew more nearsighted over the years until she finally gave in to the fact that she needed glasses to see things too far from her.

"Isn't that Beca Mitchell?" she heard some lady murmur.

"The pianist? I thought she moved abroad or something. What's she doing here?" someone then replied.

"I heard she moved to Europe, I mean, where else would she have gone?" she heard someone else say.

"Really? Not what I heard. My uncle's son's friend's girlfriend once attended a recital of hers. Said she broke down on stage all of a sudden." came a rather condescending reply.

"Yeah, but geniuses go through that, right? They bounce back, right? She's probably famous now in some fancy country." someone defended

"What is Beca Mitchell doing here?" she heard a different group say. More and more she could hear people talk about her.

Feel more eyes settle on her once again as Jesse and Aubrey looked for seats.

"Beca Mitchell is here? The child prodigy?"

"Isn't she the 'human metronome'?"

"I hear she could play anything with perfect mastery of the tempo of the score."

"Really, I hear she's an emotionless robot when she plays." some guy said flatly

"Shut up! You just don't appreciate what pure and raw talent is!" someone in the auditorium then said, snapping Beca back to reality and away from the despair that was slowly starting build within her. Beca saw a blonde girl a few rows down, blushing furiously as she settled back in her seat, her friend, a brunette started laughing, comforting her as they ignored the guys who were talking about Beca earlier.

Jesse laughed. "Man, Beca, you sure are popular."

Beca looked away from the group that caught her attention upon hearing his comment and grumbled something incomprehensible. She grumpily followed Aubrey and Jesse after that, settling down in their own seats. "Place looks a bit small. Thought it would be bigger inside." Jesse then commented, changing the topic.

"It's an auditorium, not a concert hall." Aubrey pointed out. "God, sure brings back memories. The last time I was here we were in the sixth grade. Came here to support Beca, here."

"I wish you would have warned me where we were going." Beca then replied with a bit more bite than she had initially intended. But she was annoyed.

She was annoyed as she settled down between Aubrey and Jesse.

She was frustrated for being blindsided by all of _this_.

Because _this_ was everything she had been running away from. Things she's buried deep in the past.

Aubrey looked slightly taken aback by the comment. Before she sighed and fixed her eyes on the stage. "You're right." she admitted. "I probably should have. Knowing you though, you probably wouldn't have come if you knew. But you're here now, and it doesn't seem so bad now that you're here." she added softly.

Which wasn't the exact reply that Beca was expecting from her – she was totally expecting Aubrey to flare up a little and remind her their doing this for Jesse, and Chloe who was going to perform soon too – so really, Beca felt a little bad for not giving her a little bit more credit.

Sure, she never actually opens up about how she feels about things, about what that moment… about how _it_ felt like. No she's never explained to anyone the feeling she gets when she attempts to play again, the drowning feeling dragging her down.

Of every note being swallowed whole by an endless abyss.

About the despair of trying to get them back.

But maybe she was wrong in thinking she was alone in it. Because Jesse could see, and Aubrey could notice.

Still, Beca couldn't help but feel an anger building from all the eyes she could feel on her. She sat silently, tapping her fingers on the armrest as she waited impatiently for the start of the competition. Jesse already started dozing off while Aubrey kept looking at her trying to find an opportunity to speak and open up a conversation again.

"Fine, you're mad. Loud and clear. Message received." Aubrey said, more to herself than anything, giving up as the competition had begun.

To her left, Jesse was already happily in dreamland, to her right, Aubrey was wide awake, looking excited as the first person begun.

Beca fixed her sight on the stage. They were barely a few notes in when Beca recognized the piece as Beethoven's Violin Sonata No. 9, Opus 47… The Kreutzer Sonata…

Beca stopped the tapping of her fingers and started swaying them, almost like a reflex, as she conducted the piece to herself, listening intently, goosebumps prickling her skin.

It's been a while since Beca's heard a live performance, but even so, the effect was the same.

Music still enchanted her, although now it felt like it mocked her more than inspire her or anything else.

But no, she wasn't going to focus on that now. This wasn't about her. This was about Jesse, and Chloe, and maybe a little bit about Aubrey? Beca wasn't sure.

_The bow work for competitor number one is quite impressive, but he's gone off tempo a few times._ Beca thought to herself as the first competitor finished, a scant few of the audience members clapping.

And before they knew it, the second competitor was on stage.

"Hmm, it's the same piece?" Aubrey asked looking confused.

And Beca couldn't really help but not ignore her. She was still upset, true, but at the end of the day, Aubrey always pulled through for Beca. Whatever it was that she did was for her, even if it pained Beca first. "It's the set piece. You should know that, you're the one who dragged me here."

"You always got to select your pieces is what I meant…" Aubrey mumbled in reply.

"That was different. It's normal for competitions like this." Beca mumbled back, her eyes still on the stage, on the girl who was now playing the violin. "Although normally they would go with a Bach or Paganini solo, with no accompanist during the preliminaries. The winner usually gets to play at a recital sponsored by the organizers too, that's when the performers typically select pieces of their own."

The girl played on as Beca started to note her thoughts to Aubrey. And after that, the third performer stepped up.

"Not so hot, is he?" Aubrey asked as she noticed him fumble halfway through.

"No, his bow work also needs a whole lot of work like the first guy. He looks nervous though, so I think that adds to it." Beca replied, taking a more analytical tone as she listened on intently.

Until the third guy finished as well.

And finally it was Chloe.

* * *

Chloe could feel her heart practically beating out of her chest, ready to jump as she took one step after another.

"Guess it's time to put these nerves away." Chloe whispered to herself as she tried to quiet down her heart.

It was always like that. It was hard not to feel like it. The butterflies, they always get to you every time.

But every time it starts to set, she pushes it back. She had to. She can't let it hold her back.

She wanted to… she wanted to paint a picture with her music, breathe life into the world with color using every note.

_Yeah… just like that time… just like that day..._

It was all she had.

All she could do.

To reach _them._ To reach people in a way someone could never normally do.

Chloe wanted to live in their hearts forever.

_I wonder if I could reach them this time? If I could reach_ _**you** _ _?_

Chloe took a deep breath as she reached the marker on the stage where she was designated to stand during her performance.

" _Elohim, Essaim… Elohim, Essaim_ … I implore you…" she whispered to herself just before she took one final breath and signaled at her accompanist to start.

It was time to play.

* * *

Beca woke up Jesse in time for Chloe to step onto the stage, although she may have regretted the decision. As soon as he saw Chloe was up he started cheering, and so did Aubrey… loudly…

After managing to briefly manhandle her friends from being the rowdy crowd in a violin competition – which really, would be a first to Beca – she settled down and returned her daze on the stage. There Chloe stood, looking like the perfect vision of the angel she had seen earlier on the space dome. Beca's breath might've even hitched by a little bit, not that she would admit it.

The dryness in the air inside the stuffy old auditorium suddenly disappeared.

And almost instantly, like a reflex, she could feel the goosebumps prickling her skin once more as she watched in awe. The first few notes filling the air.

And the world blooming into view right in front of her eyes.

Until nothing could be heard but the sound of Chloe's violin.

It was the same piece. it was still the Kreutzer, no question about it, but…

…but…

…no, it wasn't Beethoven's anymore…

The way she played it, with passion and life… with how she could make Beca feel every note, music once again stirring awake inside of her.

_Right now… right now the piece belongs to her…_ Beca thought to herself.

_Right down to its soul._

The girl who acted so tempestuous and capricious, who was active and energetic and yes, they knew each other for barely an hour, and yet here she was… giving Beca a hard time as she tried to keep up with her…

_I can't read her… but…_ Beca thought a she tried to figure out how and why Chloe played the way she did. _But this girl… she's beautiful… and in a way that the word beauty would always fail to encompass…_

And Beca knew that in that moment, Chloe Beale, enchantress with a violin, had her completely mesmerized.

A yearning growing inside her just by how Chloe played.

_Chloe… she looked so free…_

Amazing failed to encompass the talent she was witnessing too.

Too bad that's not what they were judging for.

But to Beca, the world around her has never been more colorful.

The music never that loud and clear.

And in truth, she couldn't even remember if music had ever made her feel so _alive_.

* * *

The crowd erupted and cheers after Chloe finished and Aubrey couldn't be more proud of her friend.

_That… that was amazing…_ Aubrey thought to herself as she watched in awe of her. The only person who she's always been amazed with in skill was Beca. But now… now Chloe's definitely on that list.

She quickly glanced towards Beca's direction, the look on her face, the light smile pulling on the edge of her lips, the shining light in her eyes that told Aubrey that she was impressed.

At one point she could see it too, Beca's fingers moving on their own accord against the armrest, as if she was playing along.

It was at that moment that Aubrey knew that in then end she had made the right decision. She wasn't going to lie, she's been going back and forth about it until the last minute of asking Beca.

But she figured, _this_ might do her some good.

And now Aubrey was sure, it was all worth it.

"She's gonna win, right? Because that was amazing!" Aubrey then said, speaking rather excitedly as she asked fully turned to talk to Beca.

Her comment seemed to snap Beca back to reality. "What?" she shook her head, as she tried to take her eyes of the stage to turn to Aubrey. Jesse still busy cheering with the crowd for Chloe's performance.

"Chloe, she's gonna win, right?" Aubrey asked, repeating her question.

But then Beca bit her lip as a realization seemed to dawn upon her.

"Not playing the score the way it was written is a total taboo." Beca grumbled as she slumped back down her seat. "I'm sure the judges docked her a bunch of points. Truth is, she's not even going to place, not with the scores anyways."

"BUT SHE WAS AMAZING!" Aubrey all but exclaimed, a little – okay, a lot – irritated that Beca would think that. "Weren't you at least impressed? She's outplayed all the ones before her!" she argued.

"This isn't a recital though." Beca replied coolly, only annoying Aubrey more.

_How could she be all calm and analytical about this?_ she complained in her head until she noticed a hint of sadness in Beca's eyes.

"But can you at least admit that she was impressive." Aubrey then commented as she sat proper back in her seat, sneaking a glance at Beca.

And Beca smirked. "Fine, just don't tell _her_ that."

Aubrey settled in her seat as the moderator announced a fifteen-minute intermission.

She managed to keep her promise to Chloe and introduced her to Jesse, and she managed to drag Beca back into a music hall, one way or another.

Overall, mission accomplished for the day.

It was no surprise really. Everyone outside the auditorium was still talking about Chloe's performance.

Beca was standing, hanging around with her friends just a few steps away from where Beca stood.

And in truth, her mind was still on that very same performance too.

The way Chloe played, so free and unhindered, with such passion and life.

_How… how does she look so free while performing?_ Beca asked herself, remembering her mother's words yet again. Chloe didn't even look like she cared if she won, placed even, or not… all as long as she could play…

_Coming in first is all that matters._ her mother's words echoed, casting a shadow over that part of her that knew she missed playing the piano. The part that she had grown to ignore because of all the pain that came with it.

With all that she wished she could forget.

But just before her despair could reach her she heard Chloe's voice coming out from the hallway. The blonde girl who stood up in Beca' defense earlier while people were talking about her run up to her, bouquet of flowers in hand.

A bouquet they didn't even have earlier… which meant that they ended up buying the first ones they could find as soon as they got out.

"Jessica! Ashley! What are you two doing here?" Chloe asked, surprised.

_Oh, she knew them?_ Beca asked herself.

"Of course! Didn't know you would be competing, I wish you would have told us!" the blonde, Beca wasn't sure if she was Jessica or Ashley, exclaimed.

"Yeah, we rarely get to see you nowadays. Wished we ended up all going to the same high school." The brunette, could be Ashley or could be Jessica, added.

"I think we raised enough hell back in middle school!" Chloe cheerfully replied before finally taking notice of Beca staring back at them. Chloe smiled and ran towards them soon after, excusing herself from some of her old friends.

And there she was, the girl who enchanted them with a violin, running towards them, laden with flowers.

Like it was a scene straight out of the movie.

And Beca felt the urge to move, to take a step forward.

But it wasn't her place to do just that.

Jesse runs towards Chloe, to meet her half way and cheerfully congratulate her with her awesome performance. The two of them looked like the cute movie couples that Jesse so desperately wanted to emulate with any girl he was currently enamored with. The dashing prince and the charming princess, that they were.

And Beca, she was just in the supporting role.

She was _'Friend A'_ to Jesse's protagonist.

_What are you even thinking, Mitchell?_ she thought to herself as Aubrey rushed towards Chloe and Jesse to congratulate her redheaded friend for a job well done.

She doesn't even notice when Chloe makes her way to where she stood, no, not until she was barely foot away from where Beca stood.

"What do you think?" she asked with the brightest of smiles. "I think I did a pretty good job." she added with a light bit of laughter. She sounded incredibly happy, she looked the part too.

And Beca, she had to choke on her words, being caught off guard by Chloe's sudden presence – _seriously, Mitchell, what is wrong with you? –_ as she tried to stammer out a reply. "It was… um… you-you know… okay… a-and… and, um…"

"Yeah, go on?" Chloe replied, almost breathlessly. She looked almost slightly disappointed, expectantly waiting for Beca to finish what she was saying, her hands slightly shaking from her nerves.

_And why is she nervous all of a sudden?_ Beca asked herself confused before she cleared her throat and shook her head.

"Honestly, I thought…" Beca started to say, making up for her initial rambling reply, "I've never seen anybody get flowers before, not like that… know you or not, those girls ran to get flowers for you immediately after your performance. And everyone else can't stop talking about you… … so yeah, I think you did pretty good today." she replied with a smile.

Chloe relaxed after that, smiling back at Beca as she resumes her earlier cheerful tone. "Not too shabby, huh?" she replied before turning around and walking towards Jesse to talk to him again.

Leaving Beca wishing she could be him instead and share the spotlight with Chloe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the whole movie line is really where I got the idea of making Jesse the soccer captain bff for Beca, I initially thought Luke would fit the role nicely but the movie parallels and Beca's sentiments on them works better with Jesse. We will see Luke later on though. He's sort of important.
> 
> PS: The thing where Chloe says 'Elohim Essaim...' it's like something (I can't remember exactly) of an invocation to summon gods and deities and stuff say to make a deal with them. Essentially that bit is about Chloe making a deal/exchanging her soul/giving it her all so that she could reach her audience.
> 
> UPNEXT: It's just gonna be Beca and Chloe! A little bit of angst (perhaps) and a little bit of fluff shall be thrown into the mix!


	4. Spring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, enjoy the fluff, grab a box of tissue for a bit of the emotional moments between our fave couple as Chloe and Beca talk, become closer, and… well… bond…
> 
> Most of this chapter is in Beca and Chloe's POV. There's a bit of Aubrey's POV plus Amy and Flo grace the chapter for a while. More on Amy later though, so no worries ;)

Beca had her eyes closed, imagining in great detail and vivid colors Chloe's performance from the other day. It was like she was back in the auditorium, hearing her play the piece for the Kreutzer for the first time all over again.

Her arms were raised, ghosting the keys of an imaginary piano as she imagined herself playing the accompaniment to the piece, as if she could still breathe life to the notes, command the sound the piano produced with such mastery.

As is she was still the pianist she used to be.

"There you are! I was worried about you, Shawshank." Amy said bursting through doors of the music room. Beca opened her eyes and jolted up from where she was lying down on the floor, the grey blazer of their school uniform folded on the ground being used as her pillow minutes earlier.

"Do you really have to be so loud?" Beca groaned as she rubbed her eyes. She never really liked being taken out of a dream, it made her grumpy. "Also, Shawshank?"

And for some odd reason, she was feeling extra grumpy that day. "Might as well call you that. You always get in trouble for some odd reason anyways." Amy replied with a shrug.

"Why are you here anyways?" Beca then asked as she accepted the box of apple juice that Amy shoved towards her direction as she skipped around her towards the bench by the piano.

"I'm hurt you would ask." Amy then replied. "Or did that ball hit your head that hard? The nurse said you were okay, thank God, but we were afraid you got a concussion or something. Who passes out in the middle of gym class anyways?"

"Gee, I don't know, maybe the one that got hit by a ball in the face during dodgeball." Beca deadpanned before taking a sip out of the straw of her juice box.

"Beca, you hit yourself with the ball when you threw it too hard towards the wall. Although, props to you. You made the ball travel all the way back just to hit you in the face." Amy then said. "We were just worried about you, that's all."

" _We_?" Beca asked and almost immediately she regretted asking it.

"There you are BE-CAW!" Jesse exclaimed before rushing towards her rather dramatically. "You got me worried there for a sec. I saw Amy rushing out of gym class on my way to the bathroom and heard what happened only to find out you weren't there. We've been looking for you everywhere!" he said, giving Beca a hug before sitting next to Amy who gave Jesse a glare for having to make room for him to share the piano bench.

"Gee, sorry I'm not particularly fond of the setting back there." Beca mumbled as a response, biting her straw as she took a pause from sipping her juice.

"Whatcha doing here anyways?" Jesse then asked.

"Looked like she was daydreaming? Day-playing? I don't know." Amy replied with a shrug. "I think she might've been dreaming of a certain someone she liked. She had a dreamy look on her face." she then teased. "And that's saying something. Beca never has that look on her face."

"Ah, a certain someone, huh? And playing too! My, my, Beca, don't tell me you were dreaming of a Ms. Chloe Beale?" Jesse then joined in with a wide grin on his face.

A very stupid and wide and cheesy grin that Beca really wished she could wipe off his smug, smug face.

She didn't want to admit it, but she found herself annoyed that Chloe liked him. She finds it more annoying how Jesse was all nonchalant about how Beca might like Chloe too.

Not that she does.

Nope.

That's not it.

But Jesse doesn't even seem fazed that he'd have any romantic rivals whatsoever.

_Stupid Jesse and his stupid Jesse-ness. How is it he's fine with this like it's no big deal?_

"So am I right? Was it the fair Ms. Chloe? Come on Becs, don't be shy, also did a double take myself." Jesse went on. "Besides, if you're worried about what we might think about you liking a girl, you shouldn't be worried. You're our Beca, if you like someone, we'll support you."

Beca groaned. "That's not… it's not even… ugh…" she started to ramble on in frustration.

_How is he okay with everything? Doesn't he like Chloe?_

Beca cleared her throat after a minute of failed and frustrated search for words. "What's the point anyways, it's nothing like that. She likes you. So yeah, it's not a question if I like girls or not, or if I like a girl. I would never have a chance with a girl like her. 'Sides, she probably doesn't like girls either."

"Ah, so I _am_ onto something…" Jesse then mumbled, trying his best to whisper the words to himself before fishing a twenty-dollar bill from his pocket and sliding it into the ready hands of Amy.

Looked like they made some sort of bet.

_Hang on, did they just make a bet about my…_

Beca was close to growling when Jesse cleared his throat and smiled. "Now, now, Beca. Cute girls in love look cuter, I get it, you can't help falling for them too. It doesn't have anything to do on whether you have a chance with them or not." Jesse then said.

"Hearing you talk I guess I get why girls go crazy over you." Beca replied with a chuckle as she shook her head. What Jesse said, it almost sounded rather romantic.

"Yeah and I throw myself right back, you know? You'll never know when you find Ms. Right." Jesse replied with a cheerful tone.

"And how many failed attempts at finding Ms. Right have you had about now?" Amy then asked, bringing Jesse back to reality.

Beca had to chuckle at Jesse's rather comically wounded reaction before shaking her head. "Yeah, but I'm not like that, no one's ever gonna like me, I'm no one 'right'." she then said with somber tone.

"Don't you think that's for the girl to decide?" Jesse threw back with a serious look and a light smile on his face.

And somehow Beca gets it. She just couldn't argue with Jesse logic, not right then.

Because even if Beca didn't want to admit it to herself, it gave her hope. Just something she could hold on to.

"You give pretty good advice sometimes you know that." Beca conceded, but again, she might've spoken too soon.

Right on cue, the door to the music room slams open and in comes marching Aubrey with a baseball bat in her hand, all ready to strike.

For a moment, Beca was scared that she was the one who upset Aubrey. Just for a moment.

"Swanson, you idiot! I had to deal with Alice crying again. She said you've been dodging her! When will you stop messing with girls' hearts?!"

"I-I'm not!" Jesse replied scared and jittery as he stood right up. "We barely talked the other day, I thought she didn't like me as much as Benji said. She seems cool though, I'd like to get to know her more before actually asking her out. As a matter of fact, I thought I'd skip soccer practice today and walk her home!" he went on rather nervously as he marched out of the music room, with Aubrey close to his heels, leaving Amy and Beca laughing out loud at their antics.

The rest of the day went on rather dully. Amy and Aubrey tried to convince Beca to stick around until after softball practice so they could all walk home together, but Beca declined. She's already been feeling odd since the competition.

A part of her knew, Jesse saw right through her. Because it was true, she couldn't stop thinking about Chloe's performance, about her bow work, about her music and her style. About Chloe in general.

Even as she headed out to walk home, the whole performance kept playing over and over again in Beca's mind. It was like a song was taking root in her and blossoming a new. She barely even tries now, and she hears Chloe's performance in her head over and over again. And every time she hears it unfurl, all that she was scattered in the wind.

At that moment, Beca knew one think to be true.

She wanted to hear Chloe play again

But she also doesn't want to, afraid of what she might find if she does.

It was like Chloe was the only light in her world now, and for some reason, Beca was afraid that if she chased after the image she's left behind, she would fall deeper into the abyss that already surrounded her.

And it was so bad that it almost hurt too.

_Because when you appear, it's what I want the most… and what I dread the most too._

Beca stopped on her tracks as she stared at the vision right in front of her. The cherry blossom trees on the street they were on were in full bloom. The breeze that greeted them carried the pink petals by and it almost looked like she was being gently caressed by the colors that surrounded them.

There she was, Chloe Beale, standing in front of her, patiently waiting for something.

Or someone.

Chloe looked up and smiled as she noticed her. Beca almost visibly gulped because she just looked so damn beautiful the way she was.

_This feeling I have, what do they call it?_

_Maybe I've forgotten… or never really knew…_

"You're 'Friend A'." Chloe chirruped as she hopped towards Beca, closing the distance between them until there were barely any inches left. All of a sudden Beca felt rather self-conscious and in awe.

 _You live within the veil of spring…_ she thought to herself, rather mystified by the girl in front of her.

"You go to our school!" Beca then muttered as she realized Chloe was wearing the same uniform as she was. "I mean, duh! But I never really thought of it before…" she added, mostly to herself.

"You're not trying to sneak another photo are you?!" Chloe then exclaimed before she calmed down and chuckled. "Go ahead, let's see you try take another stolen pic and post it on the internet. Bet that'll even make me famous."

"Cocky much?" Beca then retorted but instead of being offended, Chloe simply laughed and ignored it, looking behind Beca.

"No sign of Jesse," she sighed, "and here I wanted to surprise him. He's an elusive one, I guess. How much longer should I give him?" she asked, turning to look at Beca.

"Oh, he's got soccer practice." Beca lied, trying to cover for him. "Besides, they have some sort of tournament or exhibition match or something, I don't know. But apparently it's a big deal. Best we let him practice and leave him in peace."

"Maybe I should check on the soccer team. Give him my support?" Chloe then replied with a smile.

"I mean, they're pretty busy right now." Beca restated, trying her best not to be rattled by Chloe's persistence as she took a few steps headed towards the direction of the school.

"I guess you have a point." Chloe then replied. "He won't like me if I bug him."

"R-right." Beca mumbled as a reply as she took in a breath of relief.

Only to find Chloe right in front of her once again, grasping both her hands. "So, 'Friend A', you're gonna be his stand in this afternoon! Walk me home?" she beamed at her, and before Beca could even say no she found herself getting dragged by Chloe once more.

_What on earth just happened?_

* * *

"Here you go, you two. One coffee, no sugar and no cream, for our stubborn brunette, one hot chocolate for our lovely young lady here, and two caramel apple walnut waffles, our featured item of the month." the server said as she brought them their orders. Chloe thanked her as she fished for her phone and took a picture of their little afternoon snack.

They were at a little coffee shop and bakery a few blocks away from school. Chloe's always had a sweet tooth, and she had a soft spot for intricate desserts so even if her parents owned a bakeshop, she still loved to sample places such as the one she was in now with Beca.

Beca was staring blankly at the plate before her, still trying to process everything that's happened since she ran into her, no doubt. "Uh… so is photography a hobby?" Beca asked unsure as Chloe took three pictures of the sweet treat they were about to have.

"No, just a fan of dessert." Chloe replied with a smile. "So where do you think I should dig in first?" Chloe then asked and Beca couldn't help but chuckle at her vigor for life.

Chloe smiled as she takes a bite, and although it was mostly due to the dessert being truly heavenly, Chloe couldn't help but feel a little proud at seeing Beca smile and look back at her rather fondly. She looked rather relaxed as opposed to how she was when they first officially met.

Chloe took another bite of the waffle when all of a sudden they heard a girl their age trying to play the piano in the café, playing the first few notes of Mozart's version of 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star'.

"Well, would you look at that. That's a happy little piano, for sure. It's grinning from ear-to-ear!" she said rather cheerfully as Beca simply methodically cut tiny little pieces of her apple waffle.

"No it's not." Beca pointed out as she turned to look at the piano. "Look at those flower pots, see them? Water damage waiting to happen." she further explained.

Which may have rubbed Chloe the wrong way. How was she this stubborn? A piano was happy when it was played, any instrument was.

And here she was… the supposed renowned pianist being rather – _arrogant_ wasn't even the right word really but Chloe decided to settle with that since Beca was acting like a know it all about the emotions of a piano – but Chloe chose to ignore it for now, reigning herself back a little as she chose to focus on the girl playing.

Because no, there has to be a reason why the girl before her, so rigid and dismissive, so empty of life at times, had become the way she was.

There just _had_ to be.

Because Chloe believed that the same person who could play the piano and simultaneously pain a sea of colors and wonderful fields of spring, flowers all in full bloom, just with her fingers hitting the keys, had forsaken music.

Because of course Chloe knew who Beca Mitchell was.

Everyone who was anyone in the world of classical music knew who the girl was.

And without a doubt, any aspiring young musician with any self-respect has heard the name.

In truth, Chloe would be lying if she said she didn't feel proud that Beca thought her performance the other day was good. She'd die of embarrassment if she simply dismissed it.

After all, Beca Mitchell was the person every upcoming young pianist wanted to reach and beat.

And she was the one every other musician, including violinists such as herself, wanted to play with.

And it was really grinding her gears that Beca sat unmoved by the music. Sure, the girl was obviously a novice, but any true lover of music should be able to appreciate any note, every single sound, their beloved instrument made… right?

Chloe huffed, took a few bites of her dessert, gulped down a bit of her drink, and marched right over to the girl playing the piano. She ignored Beca's curious glance as she made her way, only turning once she reached the other girl who was playing. Beca had her attention back to what remained of her waffle, completely ignoring her so Chloe once again huffed, let go of her frustrations, and focused her attention to the other girl.

"Mozart's version of the piece, right?" Chloe asked, rather cheerfully. She already knew the answer of course, but she couldn't think of any other way to start the conversation. Beca's disinterest in the whole thing was already sapping her energy.

"Hmmm… oh, yeah. I learned it from my piano teacher last week. Sorry it's not that good, I kinda started late on the lessons, but you know what they say, better late than ever." the girl replied. "My name's Flo, by the way."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Chloe, Chloe Beale." Chloe then said, introducing herself. "And you know, it's not that bad. You just need some practice. I bet my friend over there can help, she's a pretty talented pianist, like _the_ best one I know." she added, loud enough for Beca to hear.

Which prompted the shorter girl to practically spit out the coffee she was just drinking. Chloe saw Beca cough a bit as Flo ran towards their table and ran up to meet her. "Really! But you're like my age!"

"Oh, she's a genius pianist though it doesn't really look like it." Chloe added as she followed Flo and Beca settled down.

"Wow! Could you play us something?" Flo then asked.

"Sorry, but I'm retired now." Beca gave as a lame excuse.

"Oh." Flo replied rather glumly.

But Chloe wouldn't take it down sitting. "Don't give one of your lame excuses now!" Chloe then glared at her, speaking through gritted teeth and soon Beca buckled down as she dragged her feet to the piano to play the accompaniment with Flo who Chloe encouraged to try again.

And though Beca said she's retired, not to mention the fact that it was just a simple piece, Chloe could see the mastery behind how delicate fingers hit the key with the precision she's heard to come associate with the 'human metronome'.

But people were wrong.

She wasn't some emotionless robot.

She could see it, a smile almost pulling at the corner of Beca's lips. She missed it, she misses this, _playing_.

So why, why did she disappear? Why did she give it up?

Beca settled down with an easy rhythm as she took over playing from Flo. Chloe couldn't help but smile to herself, Beca looked at peace.

Even everyone else in the café had noticed. The piano had truly become a happy one.

But the happiness didn't last long as Beca abruptly stopped, her right hand grasping her left looking rather in shock and a little bit torn.

"What's wrong?" Flo asked. "Why'd you stop? It was pretty!"

"I know…" Beca replied glumly. "But I just can't… I'm sorry…" she apologized before turning back to finish his coffee and stepping out.

_Something… something's definitely not right…_

Chloe apologized to Flo before slipping out to follow Beca. She noticed she already left more than enough for their meal on the table, making it her treat as it seemed.

"Now where did you go 'Friend A'?" Chloe found herself asking as a gentle breeze passed by. Her eyes landed across the street to a small playground where Beca looked like she was petting a black cat.

"So I see you like cats." Chloe expertly noted as she made her way to Beca, uncertain at how she would react. Something happened back in the café as she was playing the piano, Chloe wasn't blind to see it.

Like a gear had shifted, something changed, and it had Beca retreating in fear.

"Hmm? I had one growing up." Beca replied without looking back at Chloe.

A kind of silence settled between them for a minute or two as Chloe reached down to play with the cat as well. "And it's true then? You're really done with the piano?" she asked, almost sounding a little heartbroken.

In truth she was.

Because now _it_ was gone.

Because now _it_ just felt like a faraway dream.

A dream she might never reach… never if Beca completely gives up now…

"So, you know…" Beca replied smiling a bitter sweet smile a she turned to face Chloe almost looking ashamed.

Chloe smiled softly back. "What I know is that you won every award and competition at the youngest age possible, setting records and breaking your own. And I know you're the youngest person ever to win that prestigious award for young up and coming musicians. People used to call you the human metronome all the time because you were so accurate, I mean how many eight year olds can play with an orchestra?" she then said rather fondly with nothing but pure admiration.

"I see you've done your homework." Beca noted, standing up to stretch her limbs a bit.

"I'm not dumb, I don't think there's a young musician in the world who hasn't heard of you. After all, you're kind of what we all aspire to be." Chloe replied truthfully. "How come you gave it up?"

Beca turned to give her a somber look. She looked like in pain as she struggled to find the words to say what it was that burdened her.

"I play the notes but I can't hear them." Beca then said, almost in a whisper.

Chloe looked at her confused. "Wait, I mean, huh? What about just now in that café? You were great!"

"I'm fine at first." Beca replied as she explained what she meant. "I can hear everything but then it goes wrong. The more I concentrate the more my performance slowly consume me…" she went on, looking away from Chloe with a pained expression in her eyes. "The notes get pulled away, my petals get caught in the spring wind … It's like drowning in the ocean and no one can hear me, you know? And before I know it, they're gone. The sound, the music, the notes." she shrugged, trying to downplay the entire situation."

"That's why just now… that's why you…" Chloe found herself saying, her heard grieving a little for Beca.

What kind of curse it must be, to be a musician and not be able to hear yourself play.

Her heart was breaking at the news, at the irony of it.

But she can't give up on Beca.

She can't.

Because it was like giving up on herself.

"In every other aspect of my life my hearing is perfect, the only sound that refuses to register is the sound of my playing. It's my curse. I hear my fingers hit the keys and thump down into their place. It's a curse that nothing can't break." Beca then added, looking at the ground and shifting rather uncomfortably. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this, I never told it to anyone." she whispered once more.

And that was all that Chloe really needed to motivate herself to push Beca out of her shell.

After all, since she started attending Barden for high school and found out that Beca Mitchell was a student there, she made it her life's mission to figure out why the young musician left the world of music for good.

Because Beca quitting just won't do.

"Well mopping is not gonna fix it!" Chloe replied with fierce determination. "Beethoven held a stick against the piano with his teeth so that he can feel the music, you big quitter! It's not like your fingers fell off! We can power through!" she added, grasping Beca's arms tightly.

No, they won't quit.

Even if it was the last thing that Chloe did, she would get Beca to play the piano again.

"And if they did?" Beca threw back, a little surprised by Chloe's reaction. "And what do you mean by ' _we_ '?"

Chloe ignored her question and shook her head. "Then I expect you to hit the keys with your nose!" she replied defiantly.

"What, like Mozart?"

"If that's what it takes!" Chloe replied, finally letting Beca go. "Whether you're sad, you're hurt or empty… no, especially when that's the case… you have to keep playing!" she added. "For people like us, a life without music is death."

Beca looked back at her shocked, realization of what Chloe's words could mean slowly dawning on her.

"Yeah, I guess that's true…" Beca admitted. "To _you_." she added almost in a whisper.

Chloe simply shook her head again. "Okay, it's settled!" she said adamantly. "I'm drafting you to be my new accompanist."

"You're what?!" Beca replied, eyes growing bigger in shock of what she heard Chloe say. "What part of I can't play is not clear and for what?"

But Chloe wasn't having it. "Oh, the audience choice in the contest moves onto the next round too, I'm gonna need back up."

"I can't hear what I'm doing!" Beca argued.

"Sorry not your call –" Chloe started to argue back.

"It kind of is!" Beca interjected but her qualms remained unheard.

"It's meant to be and that's that." Chloe then stubbornly replied. "So, by the power vested in me, I appoint the accompanist job to 'Friend A'! And for our set piece… ' _Introduction et Rondo Caprccioso, Op. 28_ ' by Saint-Saens. I'll hand it over to you at school."

"I. Can't. Play." Beca tried to argue back, pausing to punctuate each word to drive the point.

But Chloe won't let her just give up, no.

Because life's too short to give up on _something_ you loved.

* * *

"'Scuse me. Pardon me. Passing through." Aubrey heard Beca say as she sprinted down the street a block away from their school, creating a divide between her and Amy next to her.

She was going to ask what on earth had gotten into her usually gloomy best friend, wanting to figure out why she was such in high spirits, but was cut short when she heard Chloe's voice booming through the streets within seconds of Beca passing by.

"Get back here you little coward!" Chloe cried out, cutting between Aubrey and Amy just like Beca did.

"What if I can't do it, huh? Don't you understand?" Aubrey heard Beca call back as they turned at the end of the street corner.

"I don't want to hear it quitter, be my accompanist already!" Chloe replied loudly.

Aubrey stopped on her tracks, completely lost. "O-kay… what's happening?"

"I don't know but I want to find out." Amy replied with a hint of mischief in her eyes as she ran after them.

And what else could Aubrey do but give chase as well.

The most of the morning before first period was spent playing hide and seek with Beca and Chloe, in a sense, as they tried to figure out what was going on. Beca, ever dodgy, managed to shake all of them off, and Chloe was just too frustrated and tired with trying to literally chase after Beca.

Aubrey, however, found her answer during Home Ec.

"You're gonna have her be your accompanist?" Aubrey asked, as she passed Chloe the box of flour, looking at the redhead rather curiously.

"Well I don't have a choice really, my accompanist dropped me after the whole stint in my performance the other day. I got a little carried away by the music you know, and it gave her a hard time catching up but she's a wiz with the piano, right?" Chloe offered as an explanation.

Which, in a way, made sense. She heard from Chloe the day before that she made it through the next round, and what Chloe pointed out about her struggling accompanist seemed to be true to. Beca noted the same thing on their way out of the auditorium when Aubrey asked the technical details of why on earth the judges would dock points from Chloe.

"Someone told you, huh?" Aubrey then found herself asking upon realizing that Chloe seemed to know how talented Beca was with the piano.

"No, I already knew. Trust me, she's a big deal in our circle of young musicians, otherwise I won't bug her." Chloe replied, turning her attention to what they were doing. "You think she'll do it?" she then asked.

Aubrey paused for a moment.

The last time she heard Beca play… it was ages ago really, but the last time she heard Beca play was _that day._

When all her world had fallen into silence as it came crumbling down. When she lost all of the life that was in her.

And now Beca has this chance… a chance to play again… to resolve whatever conflict within her took her over and consumed her.

A chance to face it head on and perhaps find some sense of closure for whatever it was that was haunting her.

Because even when she doesn't say a thing about it, Aubrey could tell something didn't feel quite right.

Not since that day, no.

And if this meant that she could have a chance to reclaim what died for her that day, that Aubrey was sure to push Beca to go face it.

Aubrey smiled gently as she turned to face Chloe. "We'll make her do it!" she replied with a determined look.

* * *

Beca found herself walking out of the classroom just in time for the bell ring. It was noon. She could sneak into the music room for a quick working lunch, hoping not to be disturbed by either Aubrey, Jesse, or Amy.

Or for that matter Chloe.

Chloe who was a force to be reckoned with when it comes to playing the piano.

Chloe who acts like she's the happiest child on earth with food and desserts, who loves cats, and who's friendly with everyone.

Chloe who shines with everything she does.

 _Life's a series of moments, and you love them all… maybe what Jesse said was true… is that why you sparkle the way you do?_ Beca thought to herself.

A part of her was very tempted to just cave and agree to Chloe's insistence of having her as her accompanist.

_This feeling I have… I think it's what people would call yearning._

But Beca knew she could stand next to Chloe and be proud. She can't sparkle the way she does.

Truth be told, she's afraid she'll just dull her shine.

As she walked the halls she noticed something new taking over the airwaves of their school station. Typically current pop music played through the intercom during break times, that our some weird discussion that the administration keeps on pushing on the poor DJs regarding pressing issues that high school students deal with nowadays. It's why Beca decided to back off her initial interest in playing as a school DJ.

It's that authoritarian presence that she hated. You can't force people to open up.

And like hell was she going to spew out pre-approved content that the school admin think was enough to help their students.

But today was a different day.

Because today, Chloe seemed to have hijacked the airwaves. Today, she could hear the Saint-Saens piece that Chloe had tried to give her this morning.

Beca almost jumped back in surprise as she opened the door of to the music room to find that all the walls, boards, floors, ceilings, and instruments were covered with sheets of music.

Again, Saint-Saens.

The rest of the day just got more and more ridiculous after that. The piece was on endless repeat. Her locker, her books, her notebooks, her bag – at that point, she had a feeling Aubrey was recruited into this – even her cell phone had images and copies of the music sheet.

When she got home, what does she find? The entirety of her piano room covered with copies of the same music sheet – if she was suspicious that Aubrey had been in cahoots with Chloe then, this was her firm confirmation.

And when she's had enough that she marches over to the window to look up to where Aubrey's room would be across the fence to complain, what does she find?

More copies of the music sheet taped on her window and just outside their house.

"Seriously, Posen! What the hell?" she complained just before she ducked back into the room, Aubrey flinging yet another copy of the music sheet through their windows, the stitched bundle of papers narrowly missing Beca's head.

"Just play with her already!" Aubrey called back, only making Beca grumble and complain.

Because, as it would seem, the whole ridiculous thing would dog her the whole week through.

And no matter how Beca would love to argue and complain, there was a part of her automatically matching the notes she heard to the keys on the piano.

She would hum the piece as her fingers tapped away on nothing but air or the wooden surface of her desk.

She would take a peek at the music sheet for 'just a little bit'.

Until one afternoon she was lying on her back on the floor of the music room at school, her hands moving through the air, playing along as one loop comes to an end.

She knows it, the piece, by heart now.

And it only took her a week to master despite not touching the keys of the piano.

She could already see it, see herself on stage, see herself striking the keys and moving along to the music with nothing but silence filling her senses. No matter how hard she tried…

…nothing…

…nothing comes of it but mind-numbing silence and the sheer panic and desperation filling her entire being.

Beca almost jolts up, _almost_ , as she realizes that it's all just in her head, a nightmare. It's kind of sad that she was already getting used to this, really.

She took a deep breath and sighed afterwards, falling back to where she was laying down.

 _I can't do it_ , Beca thought to herself, _I just can't._

* * *

"I kind of feel guilty… is this all okay? Forcing her to help? I mean, I want her to, you know? But not when she feels like she has no other choice. I want her to make that decision." Chloe found herself saying on a bus ride with Aubrey one rainy afternoon after school. The contest was just two days away now, and, while it was true that she wanted Beca to play the piano again and give it a try, to push her to overcome whatever it was holding her back, she didn't want to make Beca feel obliged to do it just to please her. To do this just to let Chloe get her way.

Because as much as she wanted to get a chance to play with Beca, she didn't want to make her feel like she had to because there was a gun pointed to her head.

She wants Beca to fight, and to fight because she actually wants to try again.

"She's fine, she won't flake. She'll do it." Aubrey replied, trying her best to reassure Chloe. "She better do it… I'll drag her to that damned stage myself if she doesn't. She needs to confront her demons some time." she then added, sounding more determined.

"You really care about Beca, huh?" Chloe then asked.

Aubrey looked at her for a moment, thoughtful at what Chloe had said, before she smiled. "She's just like an annoying kid sister for sure." Aubrey said in response. "Of course I care about her, she doesn't really have much left, you know? In terms of people she care for. And I want to support her, I really do. But to be honest, if she never plays again, I'd be okay with it. I just want it to be on her terms, you know what I mean?"

Chloe nodded in response.

Because, yes, yes she does.

If giving up playing was what made Beca happy, impossible as it may seem, than she would get it.

She totally would.

But if it isn't… that's a different story…

Aubrey sighed. "Seeing her like this, it breaks my heart…" she admitted, "it's like she's only half alive… something inside of her just stopped and she acts like she's frozen in time. That's why I'm forcing her to play with you. I thought, well, maybe that might change something in her."

Chloe simply smiled back not knowing what to say in response. It just didn't seem like any words could perfectly encompass how much she gets what Aubrey meant.

Thankfully, Aubrey's stop was next.

And just after that was Chloe's.

It didn't stop her from putting Aubrey's words on repeat though, because she couldn't help but wonder just how Beca managed through the years that followed her leaving the world of classical music for good.

It was rather abrupt really, and people talked, they said some things, the truth buried beneath all of it. Chloe never really paid any attention to them.

People loved to exaggerate and tell tall tales anyways.

But if all this time, since the day Beca quit until know, if what Aubrey had said was true, then Chloe's heart was undoubtedly breaking too.

Aubrey's words haunted her the next day. She could see with her own eyes that Aubrey wasn't lying. It's like a part of Beca was going through the motions of life, half-dead and half-alive. Sure she couldn't compare how Beca was as a person before other than being the renowned pianist that she was, but the truth in Aubrey's voice was unmistakable.

That's why Chloe found herself running up the stairs at school, upward towards the rooftop. It was the last place she hasn't looked for Beca just yet.

She left a message for Beca in her locker the other day after school – they really need to exchange numbers at some point, she could always ask Aubrey, she supposed, but Chloe would feel better about it to ask Beca herself – where to meet her to get ready for the contest which was, of all days, on a Monday afternoon, just after classes end.

But Beca didn't show up.

Which meant that, indeed, she was flaking out.

But those words… Aubrey's words… Beca's confession to her that she couldn't hear her notes anymore… those all motivated her to get to Beca and fight.

Face this head on.

Because a musician living a life without sound was such a tragic thing, and no, Chloe wasn't going to let Beca suffer through that for the rest of her life.

She was nervous and out of breath as she finally reached the door that she stopped for a moment to steady herself.

Putting a brave face on, Chloe turned the knob on the door.

 _I won't give up on you, Beca._ Chloe thought to herself.

_So please, let me reach you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support so far with this fic! So yeah, about the ending, I think I've made up my mind about it. I liked the anime ending but it also broke my heart. Naoshi Arakawa (the author of the manga series) had said in an interview that the ending was almost changed into something like the one I'm tempted to do. Kaori (Chloe's counterpart in the story) and Kosei (Beca's) deserved it at least, but since he told the producers of the anime what the ending was going to be before he finished the manga, and the anime went with the ending people who watched it saw, Arakawa decided not to change the ending in the manga.
> 
> It was still good and powerful in its own way, but I wanted something more because it felt like something was missing. So I'm going with my own ending, one that's in the middle of two extremes (so that's you're hint), but one that I hope will be written well and will resolve some of my issues with how the anime ended.
> 
> I hope you guys give it a chance and stick around. I'm a sucker for having my characters have moments of happiness, no matter how long it lasts (despite all the angst I end up writing).


	5. A World With No Sound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you for the support so far! Here's the next chapter featuring Chloe and Beca's performance.
> 
> I do warn you, some of Beca's POVs have brief flashbacks of how her mother taught her. It's just a brief glimpse, nothing too bad, but feel free to skip ahead of that. It comes up as she plays the piano so you know where to skip to the next character POV.

Beca was minding her business on the rooftop of the main building on school. It was probably the first time in a week where she's been left in peace with nothing but the noise outside reaching her ear. No classical music piece whatsoever on repeat to drive her insane, no.

Today was Chloe's competition. Today, it would end.

At least for her.

But apparently, the said redhead won't let her quit just like that. Chloe was breathing hard, as she tried to catch her breath as she made her way to Beca one step at a time.

"Wait, aren't the prelims today? Why are you still here? It starts in an hour." Beca stated, looking at her curiously, dropping her sandwich in the process.

"What do you think I'm doing?" Chloe asked upon taking a deep breath. "I've been looking for you all over, let's go." she went on, grabbing Beca's hand, trying to pull her up.

"No, I won't?" Beca tried to argue back, trying to sound as firm and resolute as possible but the way Chloe's eyes were determined, the way she was pouting at all of her flailing arguments, well… it sounded more like an uncertain question…

Beca took a deep breath, stubbornly trying to keep herself seated on the floor. "People have to train for that. I can't pick it up just like that." Beca argued again, trying to hide her anxieties about it.

Just the thought of playing again… on a stage… in front of a crowd…

…and then the silence swallowing her whole once more…

She just couldn't.

"I can't give a performance I'd be proud of." she sighed, fixing her eyes on the ground. "I'm sorry… I just… I just can't play anymore."

"There's a difference, you know, between _can't_ and _won't_." Chloe then said. There was a kindness to her tone that made Beca look up. There it was again, that fierce determination in her eyes. All mixed with a glassy look, a sense of desperation that Beca figured might just be her own imagination.

Chloe huffed. "All I hear are excuses for you to run away." she then said.

Beca shook her head and closed her eyes shut. The things she had buried years ago were all trying to resurface, clawing back at her, screaming to make its way out. "When I play I feel horrible," Beca said with a rather shaky breath, it was, after all, a truth she had kept only to herself. Admitting it out loud made it true.

It made it real.

The darkness, the pain, the sensation that she was being pulled deeper and deeper into an abyss, all alone.

"It's like I'm at the bottom of a dark cold sea all alone, no light, and no sound." Beca went on, trying to keep herself together. "The notes having forsaken me…" she said in almost a whisper, coming face to face with a truth she tried to ignore and run away from.

Ever since that day one the stage, as she tried to chase after the notes. She played and played, and she hit the keys as hard as she could but no sound would come out.

Until she broke down in tears, drowning her quite pleas and sobs for help deep within her.

_Somebody… please somebody help me… mom…_

And now… now she has this girl who came out of nowhere in her life, a determined redhead who wants nothing but to have Beca go back down to the bottom of the ocean.

She can't.

She just can't do it.

She can't bear to be alone in her desperation anymore.

"You'll have me this time." she then heard Chloe say and Beca looked at her rather lost and disbelief.

Because who was she?

Who was this girl who just wouldn't give up on her?

"I know you can't hear your notes and your rusty but I want you anyway." Chloe then said, not giving up this fight. "Maybe we bomb, maybe we fail, or maybe we step out and shine, it doesn't matter. We are going to play. If there's a crowd and a chance to play, I'll take it and I'll give everything I've got. And the people who hear it? They'd never forget me, part of me will echo in their hearts forever. I think those moments are when I'm alive. I was born on this earth to make music and so are you, Beca, so are you. So please do it for me, say you'll be my accompanist."

"But…" Beca tried to argue again but when she looked up to see Chloe, she had her head slightly bowed down to her from where she sat, her eyes welling up in tears.

"Please… believe in me, even just a tiny bit… you… you don't know how close I am right now to just losing heart, so please… just please… play with me… hear my notes… give it a chance…" Chloe pleaded.

And no, Beca has no idea just why Chloe won't give up on her.

She just knew that she won't.

 _Damn it. I think Jesse called it, impossible or not, it's up to the girl to decide._ Beca thought to herself, remembering the talk she and Jesse had before.

Beca sighed. She would be jumping into the unknown but for this girl right in front of her, she knew she'd take it, the plunge.

She just doesn't want to see her cry anymore.

"I'll do it, I'll be your accompanist." Beca then grumbled as she stood up.

Chloe looked up, almost looking like she was surprised that her persistence won in the end.

And really, it only confused Beca even more.

Beca shook her head as she chuckled. "No promises I'll be good though." she admitted.

But then Chloe smiled an incredibly bright smile as she wiped away her tears, and what else could Beca do?

Because she realized then that seeing Chloe smile was all that she could really want.

* * *

"There she is!" Amy huffed as she kicked the door open and rushed out into the open rooftop. A very angry and upset Aubrey was quick to follow her with a rather amused Jesse right behind.

"Beca Mitchell! What on earth is wrong with you?!" Aubrey then cried out, sending Beca backing close up away from her and embarrassingly behind Chloe.

And Amy had to admit, it was times like this, times when they were going crazy with their antics, that she loved the most.

"We've been looking for you for over an hour! And now you've gone and made Chloe cry!" Aubrey went on, not holding back with her lectures.

"Take it easy on her! I need my accompanist!" Chloe then cheerily said, wiping away her dreams completely.

"Well thank God you finally had the common sense to say yes!" Aubrey then yelled.

"Guys, no offense, but we really need to go." Jesse then said, stepping up to point out the time. "If we run, I think we can make it in under fifteen minutes."

"Run that far?" Beca replied shocked. Amy had to admit, Beca wasn't athletic, she wasn't that strong either although Aubrey did shockingly say she punched a guy who was picking on Aubrey once when they were little. Aubrey admitted she had it handled, and Amy knew that to be true, but that wasn't why the whole tale was amusing to her, no. The look of horror on Aubrey's face as she told Amy how angry Beca's mom was for almost hurting her own hands was the look of pure terror, and that was what had her so invested in the story.

Because no one scares Aubrey Posen out of her wits.

No one.

And Amy would've given anything in the world to see that.

But then again, the funny little world that she had stumbled too ever since she moved in town and made friends with the trio that was Beca, Aubrey, and Jesse, pretty much provided her with all the amusement she could get.

That and solid camaraderie and friendship.

"Do I have to point out that we're in this mess because of you?" Aubrey snapped back.

"Geez, I know." Beca replied. "I can keep up with you guys if I put my maximum effort into it but I'll die on top of the piano when we get there." she argued.

"So what do you have in mind, genius?" Aubrey retorted.

And Beca seemed like she was about to lose her cool. Jesse, frantically trying to come up with an idea to keep her calm and Chloe entirely unsure what to do. For the most part, Beca was cool and level headed. But for the most part, she was also living in her little gray world.

And then there were days where she and Aubrey just start bickering like an old married couple.

Kinda like how they were now.

"Now, now, that's why I'm here." Amy then said, a plan forming at the back of her mind.

Two hot minutes later and a whole lot of running down the stairwells, they were riding three different bicycles down the hill and onto the direction of the music hall. Aubrey was on one, with Beca behind her as her passenger, face buried in the music sheets she was grasping in her hands. Amy was on one herself, while Jesse took over the third with Chloe as her passenger, one hand holding onto her violin case with dear life.

"Did you guys even rehearse at all?" Aubrey, the speed demon on a bike – _yep, totally calling her that –_ asked as she pedaled faster and faster on her way.

"Oh, we're totally winging it!" Chloe called back.

"On a more important note, whose bikes are these? Last time I checked, neither any of us owned bikes."

"Who cares?" Amy called back. "Don't sweat the small stuff, short stuff. At least you'll be living up to the nickname I gave you more and more now. Shawshank."

"You stole the bikes?!" Beca exclaimed.

"I prefer the term 'borrowed'." Amy replied with a chuckle.

Things were getting more and more interesting.

She's been living in this small town for a while now, and things have never been this lively.

* * *

She could hear the swishing of the metronome, that knowing ticking sound it made just before it changed directions, swishing back and forth.

Beca doesn't know why on earth she was thinking about this now but it was like her mind had trapped her there. Living in the memories she had been trying to run away from.

The sheets were right in front of her. The notes a perfect black over the white pages just like the keys on the piano that her little fingers were stretching over to hit on the right time.

"You missed it again." she could hear her mother say. It was barely a fraction of a second. Her voice was shaking, and Beca could feel the disappointment and dread filling her as she made yet another mistake.

"Everything is in front of you, Beca!" she heard her mother yell as Beca tried to fight the tears. "You just need to read it, over and over. Practice it over and over. You won't take a break until you get it right, do you understand me? Until you don't miss a single note!"

Beca could feel herself almost say her response out loud. Almost say 'yes' almost completely get pulled in by the moment.

And she was close to just losing herself to that dark dreary world, where she didn't sleep until she got it right, until her hands were tired, and her cheeks swollen, and her eyes blurry with the tears.

It wasn't always like that, it wasn't. It wasn't always dark clouds and storms.

It wasn't pain and the abyss calling out to her.

It wasn't just black and white.

So what happened? What changed? She loved the piano before.

But she couldn't find the answers, not then.

Especially not when Aubrey pulled the brakes hard and sent her flying off the bike, what with both her hands clutching on the music sheets for dear life instead of on Aubrey, making her get to know the concrete ground rather intimately, the bridge of her glasses breaking in two.

"Drat! Sorry Beca."

"Sorry? Sorry doesn't even cover it!" Beca replied as she pried herself off the ground.

"But hey hobbit, we're here. So why not chill and not lose it, you know? You're making your great return to the world of music." Aubrey then replied, trying to sound apologetic without actually apologizing.

"But my glasses!" Beca argued.

"You're near-sighted. You're not reading the notes from a distance." Aubrey shrugged.

"She's right you know. We'll get you contacts later. Your eyes are beautiful, Beca, you shouldn't hide them behind glasses." Chloe then said, getting off the bike she and Jesse were on and making her way to Beca. "So let's go, the stage is calling!" she chirruped, offering her hands to help her up.

Chloe was standing close, too close if Beca dared admit, but the anger and dread were being overwhelmed by her gentle hands dabbing her handkerchief at a cut that Beca didn't even notice formed from when she went up face to face against the ground.

"We don't want you bleeding on the keys now, do we?" Chloe joked with a smile before flipping her around and pushing her onto the direction of the music hall.

"Hang on Shawshank!" Amy then said, running behind them. "Here," she went on, removing her sleek stylish shoes. "We can't have you wearing Chucks on stage now, can we? I know that for some reason the vice principal has some soft spot for your subtle rebellion there, but I don't think the judges of the world of classical music would appreciate it."

Beca instantly nodded, kicked of her shoes and borrowed Amy's. They were a good size bigger but she could still walk on them, so that was fine.

Chloe seemed prepared with her things, disappearing into dressing room to change into a simple dress she had neatly packed in her backpack.

Beca, on the other hand, was making her second, albeit informal, debut as a pianist in her Barden uniform. She slumped down on a seat backstage, outside the dressing room, feeling like a major idiot.

As she waited for Chloe, Beca could feel her anxiety building, her fingers nervously tapping away as her eyes were fixed on the music sheet.

She couldn't do this, she can't. What was she thinking?

 _You're no Beethoven._ she could hear her own voice say.

For some reason she could imagine the black cat from before, the one that looked like the one she once had, saying this to her, walking up to where she was sitting.

But she was seeing things, she knew that.

And yet she felt trapped in those thoughts, nothing snapping her awake into the reality in front of her.

So much so that she couldn't even hear Chloe talking to her as she stepped out of the dressing room, looking like an angel sent from heaven, asking her how they should play and go about the piece.

But she couldn't hear her, couldn't see her.

Not until Chloe leaned down and pressed their foreheads together, making her look her in the eyes.

Beca blushed, hard. And she really didn't care at that moment if anyone else was paying attention to them.

Well, she cared a little, after all the whole thing felt rather intimate.

But what she cared about the most was how Chloe was so close to her, all boundaries crossed. She had a fierce determination in her eyes, pouting at Beca for not noticing her earlier.

"Pay attention, Beca." Chloe calmly said. "Pay attention. I don't want to hear about how you can't ehar my notes, okay? Just listen to mine and we'll be okay." she added with a smile on her face. Chloe grabbed both her hands and held it in her own.

They felt warm.

The warmest that she's ever known.

"Don't be ashamed if we bomb. We're going on a journey together, so let's just enjoy that moment." Chloe then said and Beca could feel her breathing settle down a steady rhythm despite her heart starting to race. "You've listened to the piece for the entire week and the sheet music was everywhere within your sight. You're going to be fine."

Beca nodded just as they were called to get ready. Beca took a deep breath as watched Chloe grab her hand and lead her to the call room all while thinking about just how starkly different the two of them were. Chloe was light and carefree.

"You are freedom itself." she found herself saying out loud, causing Chloe's cheeks to turn pink as she paused on her tracks before turning to smile at her again.

"Music is freedom." she said rather cheerily. "And this moment before us," she went on to say, starting to sound a little nervous. "it's what we live for. So how about we go out there and just enjoy it and play?"

Beca nodded again, trying her best to smile.

She found that a part of her was slowly believing in what Chloe said.

Beca could feel the nerves sinking in, especially as they walk onto the stage. She headed towards the chair in front of the piano, adjusting the stool to the perfect height. Her nerves only grew more and more as she could start hearing the people around her recognize who she was.

The chatter was building up, making her feel sick.

It was just like the last time. The last time when the notes first disappeared when she called for help but no one would answer the call.

Beca could feel her hand trembling as she reached for the keys, waiting for Chloe to start. She tried to control her breathing, shut down all the noise. She wanted Chloe to start just so she could focus on something.

On one thing.

Chloe's music.

Because what she didn't need now was to hear anyone talking about the piano prodigy who disappeared from the world of classical music just after she turned eleven, all grown up.

And just before the noise fully took her over her came clarity.

Chloe started playing, right to the tee too. Each note with exact precision, matching the _ticks_ of the imaginary metronome only Beca could hear. It almost felt like Chloe was matching her style playing for her benefit.

And at that moment, Beca knew what to do.

Her fingers moved almost automatically, matching Chloe's speed and precision.

Overall, they were off to a good start.

But just as Beca was settled, Chloe smiles, turning to steal a glance at her.

And they were off to the races, Chloe picking up the pace and playing the way she knew best, free.

Beca tried her best not to smirk, but she did, picking up the pace and matching Chloe's style perfectly. Leaving the audience stunned.

* * *

Aubrey felt stupid for gaping in sheer amazement.

She's stubborn and annoying sometimes. Hard headed and snarky most times.

Totally ungrateful about the people who cared about her too.

But there she was. Haven't played the piano in years and there she was, leaving everyone breathless.

"That's Shawshank?" Amy asked, her jaws dropping to the floor.

"Oh man, now I feel like a jerk for never attending a performance before." Jesse admitted.

"Wait, so that really is Beca Mitchell?!" a blonde girl below their row shrieked, turning to face them.

"And she's playing with Chloe?!" the brunette next to her then added.

"Dreams really do come true!" the other blonde then said.

"I'm sorry, but who are you?" Aubrey found herself asking. "Wait, no, you were there during Chloe's performance in the preliminary round."

"Yep! Name's Jessica. This here is Ashley." the blonde then said, introducing herself and her friend.

"We were friends with Chloe since grade school." Ashley added.

"And you know Beca?" Jesse asked.

"We played piano with Chloe before. We took the same lessons." Jessica explained.

"That's before she switched to violin." Ashley said on the side. "But yeah. That's why we know Beca too. We've been fans of her for ages."

"Wow, Beca's really famous, huh?" Amy asked amazed.

"Beca Mitchell, the star." Jesse then sighed. "Man, should've picked up an instrument if only I knew…" he said, mostly to himself, earning him a slap on the back of his head from Aubrey.

"Of course she is, she's all that we aspire to be as young musicians." Ashley then said in response to what Amy had said.

"All we want to be and all we aspire to be like." Jessica then added. "And really, we're all dying just to be like Chloe getting this chance to play with her. I'm a little jealous." she admitted.

And for some reason, Aubrey could feel something hit her with Jessica's words.

Just as she watched as Beca shone on with Chloe by her side.

* * *

_Okay, so far so good. Just keep focusing on Chloe._ Beca thought to herself as she played the piano.

The audience not talking about her helped by a lot, and knowing Chloe was right there with her helped the most.

She wasn't alone.

Not anymore. At least not now.

But as Beca dared look up, she could see from the periphery the spot where her mother would be, somewhere at the back of the auditorium, the lights hiding her for the most part, letting the shadows take hold of her more and more just as her illness progressed.

Beca could feel her emotions taking over her a little, just enough that Beca thought she caught a glimpse of her mother actually being there.

But that short while was enough to do the trick.

She could feel it, like an anchor was weighing her down, pulling her into the cold dark depths of the ocean surrounding her.

It felt like drowning.

The water surrounding the sounds, trapping them. The darkness overtaking her.

She could feel the panic well up inside of her as she turned to face the sheets but the notes danced away, becoming blank white pages.

Beca started hitting the keys as hard as she could, desperate to hear them, but all she could hear where the sudden gasps from the audience, the complaints about her erratic playing, her about the discord between the music she produced and the one that Chloe made.

And it hurt.

Not the words, no.

Not the complaints, not what people said to her.

It hurt the way the music abandoned her, especially now that she had nothing.

It hurt the way it taunted her, disappearing when she needed it the most.

It hurt the way that music was a part of her, a part that she can't grasp anymore.

Beca felt the frustration build and build until she realized that as she hurt, she was hurting Chloe too.

She was hurting her performance.

 _I'm sorry Chloe. I'm so sorry._ she apologized in her head. Chloe was playing masterfully, she was leagues above the rest of her competitors.

And here she was ruining it.

So Beca did what she could do best at this situation.

She stopped.

For Chloe.

So that she wouldn't hurt her music anymore.

She stops for her, feeling so bad about failing her.

This was the only way she could save Chloe's performance.

But to Beca's own surprise, and the audience as well judging from the gasps that followed, Chloe stopped too.

"Chloe, you can't… what are you thinking?" Beca whispered almost panicked.

_Chloe stopped. She stopped. God, I feel more like an idiot now by getting her disqualified. She's not allowed to stop._

But Chloe simply took a deep breath all while Beca was getting tongue tied by Chloe's approach to competitions.

Chloe turned and simply smiled back.

 _Be mad, be angry._ Beca found herself saying. _I ruined this for you._

But Chloe was kind. "Again?" she asked. "Let's start right where we left off, how about it?"

Beca was stunned. She knew that even when they get disqualified they would let them play again as long as they finish by the time her performance should be up.

Chloe doesn't wait for a response and takes another deep breath to pick up where they left off.

She starts again and Beca watched her a minute or two like an idiot, realizing just how much faith Chloe had in her.

Funny how she said she was starting to lose faith and she needed Beca when it seemed like she was just what Beca needed.

When right then Chloe was the one keeping her together, stopping her form losing faith.

So what else can she do but play?

Roughly at first.

Beca still couldn't hear anything and she tries thinking just how much Chloe believed in her

She kept making the mistake of hitting the keys hard.

Beca looked up to see Chloe as her fingers moved across the keys, she could see how she was putting all of her into the piece, and Beca remembered she wasn't alone.

"You need to be gentle with the keys, honey." Beca then heard her mother's words, soft, sweet, and gentle, carry over from those happier, lighter days.

Before she fell ill.

Before it all changed.

"Be gentle with the piano, Beca, so that it would make a happy sound. If you hit the keys too hard it would be angry." she could hear her say again.

So Beca took a deep breath and softens the way she hit the keys.

She couldn't see the notes, she couldn't hear them, but Chloe was right before when she said that Beca knows the piece. She's heard it over and over again for the past weeks, her fingers tracing the air as if she was hitting keys, moving on their own accord.

So even when she was at a disadvantage, Beca would play.

She would play from memory.

For Chloe.

Clarity sunk in for Beca. She could her the violin but still not her music.

And once again she could hear the crowd, this time they stopped complaining about her and were in awe and amazed silence.

Chloe turned to face Beca and smirked as she played on, not one to give up or back away from a challenge.

And Beca smirks right back despite not knowing Chloe's eyes were right on her.

Despite not realizing how she was playing free and unbound.

For that moment she was focused on one thing only, to give it all that she could and keep up with Chloe's playing.

For that one wonderful melody in perfect harmony.

* * *

Aubrey sat there amazed her two feet cold after she threw her shoes at someone insulting Beca's rough patch earlier. That earned him shoe number one, shoe number two was earned after Chloe stopped and the guy complained about her being disqualified thanks to Beca stopping earlier.

He was going to complain some more but Ashley and Jessica handled the glaring, Aubrey found that she couldn't breathe right then. It made her remember the day Beca's world just stopped turning, the day she stopped playing.

The day she broke down on stage during her first performance back after her mother died.

The guy was about to say something again but he chose to keep it inside. Any other complaints he had stopped when Chloe played again and Beca followed.

"Still crappy though." the guy murmured.

Which earned him another shoe from Amy.

"Got any other thing to say, punk?" she asked when he turned around.

He was about to raise his voice when it happened.

When Beca started playing the way Beca Mitchell played.

No, even more than that.

When Beca started playing even better than she used to.

"I can't believe this! Their trying to outclass each other!" Jessica exclaimed in disbelief as Chloe and Beca pushed each other to the edge of perfection as they both out did themselves.

Like how they were pushing each other to become better even as the last moments of the piece draw out.

And all that Aubrey could do was watch, stunned.

She was happy for Beca, of course she was.

Beca was finally coming back to life.

But then… what was it…

Why could she feel an ache in her heart for seeing the way they performed with each other?

* * *

Beca stopped, unsure about how she felt after it was over. She looks up at Chloe who turned to look at her amazed, asking Beca to join her.

She relents, dragging her feet as she chastised herself for giving the worst and rockiest performance of her life.

And just as she did, the crowd went wild. Standing up on their feet, cheering and clapping.

Chloe bowed and Beca bowed alongside her.

"Thank you." Chloe whispered to her leaving her curious and amazed. Amazed by everything that Chloe was and wondering why on earth she would be thanking her. "Thank you Beca." Chloe said again. "Thank you for playing with me. For giving me the chance to play with you. This moment right here would stay with me forever I promise you that."

"Don't be silly, I ruined your chances for winning." Beca then said but Chloe shook her head, all teary-eyed but with a smile on her face.

"The moment we're in, it made me happy." Chloe admitted. "And now we get to live in their hearts too."

Beca simply chuckles in response as they part from the crown and slowly make their way backstage.

Beca was still confused by it all, not sure how she felt.

The only thing she knew was that she felt alive, and free, and amazing.

Despite the mistake-ridden performance.

And it would have been the best really.

Until she saw Chloe about to faint.

And just like that, the world that had just started turning for Beca again was threatening to stop.

All as she rushed to catch her from falling.


	6. Gray Skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca struggle with a few thoughts and decisions; Chloe gets hospitilized but still tries to relentlessly help Beca get back into the world of music

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the hiatus. My upload schedule is still rocky with work keeping me busy and all but once we hit the next upload (chapter 7), I promise I'll be more consistent.
> 
> Thanks for all the support so far. Your comments and reviews are always appreciated. They're what keep me going. For now, here is chapter 6.
> 
> I don't own pitch perfect.

Every step she took drew the very life out of here. Beca tried her best to keep her breathing from becoming too erratic, but the white-washed walls of the cold hospital hallways and the smell of antiseptic surrounding them was just too much for Beca to bear.

The last time she was at a hospital… that last time…

Amy opened the door of Chloe's private room, the redhead beaming at them, happy to see her friends finally visit her. She's been in the hospital for three days after the whole fainting episode. Beca was there when the ambulance came but she let Aubrey and Jesse handle the rest while Jessica, or was it Ashley, called Chloe's parents and all.

Beca was the coward who ducked out. Amy took her own as she tried to fight the surge of panic that was about to overtake her senses. Hospitals and Beca, they just don't mix.

Too many memories.  _Bad_ ones.

This wasn't the first visit, at least for Jesse and Aubrey who've been around a lot. Amy's gone two consecutive days too, joining her two best friends during the second day.

This was Beca's first, however.

And it was mostly because Aubrey raised hell and all but dragged her out of her house. "You idiot! After all that happened with your performance! The least you could do is show up and check in on her, hobbit!" she had chastised as she broke down Beca's bedroom door that afternoon and all but hoisted her tiny frame up. Jesse did much of the calming down and Amy the sweet talking. In the end, the combined forces of the three finally got Beca out to join them, but not without much feet-dragging, sighing, and glum looks.

Even now, as she looked up to see Chloe sitting up in her bed, she couldn't help it. The first image that popped in her head was that of her mom, sitting up looking so frail, oxygen mask on.

The same smile on their faces.

"Hey! Finally, I've been waiting for you guys all afternoon!" Chloe chirruped, still beaming. Jesse and Aubrey made their way inside without a problem while Amy all but shoved Beca in along with her.

"How are you feeling?" Jesse asked, handing Chloe a small pack of sweets from the confectionary store they passed along the way.

"Better! Especially now that you guys are here!" she replied cheerfully.

 _Liar,_ Beca thought to herself.

The smile, the exerted effort, it brought up unpleasant memories for Beca.

Chloe looked fine, but the feeling of dread creeping up from deep within her just wouldn't let her believe that she was indeed fine, causing fear to constantly fight for control over her, drowning Beca in her own silence.

She smiled weakly as the conversation picked up. Aubrey asked when she would be out of the hospital and Chloe said that it should be soon. "It's really my first time being all confined like this. My dad might've freaked out a little and figured I might as well get the whole package of a general check-up just to make sure nothing's wrong."

"Oh, well, I guess when you have overprotective parent's that's understandable. You're an only child right?" Jesse then asked and Chloe nodded.

That was about when Beca felt like she tuned out of the conversation all together.

The image of her mother interposed with Chloe on the hospital bed, it was making her feel nauseous.

 _Chloe's not your mother Beca. Chloe's young, she's fine. It's over-exhaustion, that's all. It's probably your fault too, making her worry and anxious about the competition in the first place,_ she tried to convince herself. It was the most probable explanation after all.

Except she could still feel her hands growing cold. She still couldn't convince herself.

"Come on Beca, we're leaving." Jesse then said. "Yo, earth to Beca Mitchell!"

"Huh?" Beca then said, lifting her head up to meet Jesse's gaze. She was sitting on the chair by the window, not having realized that she had been staring blankly at the floor for God knows how long.

"Sorry for Shawshank, she's been extra spacey lately Red." Amy then said.

"That's fine." Chloe replied looking at her a bit concerned. Here she was, the one in the hospital, and she seemed to be more worried about Beca that she was worried about herself.

"Sorry, just a lot on my mind and all." Beca then mumbled getting up.

"Actually, would you guys mind giving us a moment?" Chloe then asked, turning to look at their friends.

"Sure, just give her a piece of your mind for us, okay Chlo?" Aubrey then replied with a chuckle before she ushered Jesse and Amy out, the two looking like they were planning to eavesdrop.

Beca stuck around, eyes still on the white flooring, shifting her weight a bit.

"Beca," Chloe called after her and Beca knew she had to find the strength to tear her eyes off of the floor and look at Chloe, fight the drowning feeling she's had since she's stepped foot in the hospital, like waves were crashing hard against her chest and knocking the air right out of her lungs.

Beca closed her eyes and took a deep breath before finally looking up to meet Chloe's ocean blue eyes. All of a sudden she could feel a shift, a different drowning feeling settling it.

Although, Beca thought, it was a little less than drowning and more of getting lost in Chloe's eyes. Those ocean blue that looked intent in studying her, conflicted about things Beca wasn't even sure about.

"Have you been playing?" Chloe then asked, breaking the silence between them.

"Hmmm, no." Beca found herself saying as a reply. She found it strange, how easy it was to give an honest response to Chloe. But it allowed her breathe again, even for just a little. "I… I don't really have any reason to."

Chloe frowned at her, brows knitted together. Beca wasn't sure if she was angry or disappointed or both. "The piano is not just a part of you, you know." she huffed.

"What?" Beca asked, a little lost. She was expecting a lecture from a sick girl not a vague response.

Chloe took in another deep breath, looking a little bit calmer after. "It's not just a piece of you. Not something you can misplace, lose, or bury. In that moment, when we were playing, I know that  _it_  was you."

"Is this your way of saying be one with the piano?" Beca then asked.

"Ugh, you're really not making this easy, aren't you?" Chloe then grumbled. "I don't know if you're really just dense sometimes or stubborn, I think the latter's true. But Beca, just listen will you?" she then added, looking almost a little in pain and saddened by whatever thoughts were playing in her head. Chloe looked away to clear her throat a little as Beca looked at her expectantly. When her eyes met Beca's own again, there seemed to be renewed strength in there mixed with a tinge of sadness and hope. "I think, well, I think the piano, playing it, the music that you make form it, that it is you. And maybe that's why it hurts, why you suffer so much."

And it hit Beca. The words Chloe said had hit her with a force she didn't realize. The words, they all wrung true.

When Chloe had said that a world without music meant death to musicians like the two of them, Beca knew that was true.

But it was at this moment she understood why.

Because they  _were_ the music. It was the very essence of their lives.

And once again Beca was in awe of Chloe, to have seen it, to have understood, the unspoken pain she had tried so very hard to hide and bury. The truth that was the reason behind why her world was so dull and gray.

It's why she clung onto it like a lifeline. Because not being able to play tore her apart, limb by limb.

"You can't have a life without music, Beca." she then heard Chloe say again. "Without it, you've stopped living."

Beca simply stayed stunned silent, turning away from Chloe as she steeled herself to leave. She couldn't let Chloe get to her. She couldn't begin to even unravel the mess the past had left behind her. She can't go through the pain of doing so.

She can't relive it.

She can't bear it anymore.

The constant reminder that the notes have forsaken her, it was killing her.

So it was better that way, to simply exist.

But Chloe, she won't let her.

No, she was fighting so hard to remind Beca what it was to live in color again, to breathe, to  _be_.

Be music, be alive.

Even after getting home, even after the dark of night had blanketed over them with the moon and the stars keeping them company.

Even after Beca had locked herself in the piano room where she used to play and practice, lifting the cover off the keys she hasn't touched for years.

"Do you think you can just forget it, Beca?" she could her Chloe asking her, over and over again, the very question haunting her.

_No._

Beca knew the answer.

She can never forget.

The world won't ever let her forget.

Beca's fingers trembled as they reached out for the keys, ones that are undoubtedly out of tune now, only to stop herself half way through, the tears she held back finally broke free.

_Damn it._

She found herself crashing on the dusty floor. Chloe Beale had given her a taste of what the world could be like for her again if she had the courage to face it. If she had the courage to live through the painful process of being reborn, of fighting to regain the music she's lost.

And in the process she had undoubtedly cracked open a dam.

Because the piano was Beca's life.

The pieces every breath of air she breathed in.

The keys she gently stroke her mother's smile.

And she's lost all that already.

It all died the day her mother died.

The day it was all taken away from her, leaving her empty.

Because music  _was_  Beca.

And she knew, no matter how much it hurt, that Chloe had been right.

She's stopped living, stopped being Beca.

And now  _yearned_ to be that again.

* * *

Jesse was watching Beca intently as the two had lunch on the rooftop. Now that they knew that was Beca's hiding place, they won't let her ever get away with hiding again.

No, not when she's actively running away from things that Jesse wasn't sure of. He didn't know if it was Chloe she was avoiding, the piano, maybe Aubrey. Heck, possibly music. But that didn't matter. She was running away from something, or at least trying to, and she's keeping it all in.

And he's not gonna let her, not this time.

Not after that performance he witnessed.

"Wanna visit her again?" Jesse asked but Beca still seemed out of it. "You know, I bet Chloe's gonna be happy to see you again. She did turn to you for help with the competition thing and didn't you have that chat with her? You kind of seemed glum after that. Even worse than before really. I figure, if she gave you a lengthy lecture for not coming before we get her some sweets again, and you can make it up to her!"

"Go by yourself." Beca mumbled as a reply.

Jesse took a deep breath. He's been trying to get into his best friend's head the past few days. He was worried, the last time Beca fell into this kind of silence was when her mom died. He wasn't exactly sure how she got out of it back then, but Beca changed and while the lack of piano lessons meant she could spend more time with them, the lifelessness that often accompanied it was nothing that Jesse could even comprehend.

She got better, she started to be more like before.

But it still was never the same. Like a part of her had gone missing. Jesse thought that tragedies changed people, maybe that's why Beca had become the way she was.

So why was she like this now?

"Hey now, don't skip out because of me." Jesse then replied thinking that maybe he was right in his initial suspicions. Maybe Beca did like Chloe.

He wasn't entirely sure what or how to feel about that, Jesse did like Chloe after all. She was pretty, and charming, and nice. But it's not his call to make who Chloe will choose if ever.

And he would forsake any girl to keep Beca's friendship too, if Chloe ever chose her.

Love is supposed to be free, after all, or so they say.

"I'm not." Beca sighed as she responded, finally acknowledging Jesse. "I just… I have some thinking to do. When does she get out anyways?"

"I'm not sure." Jesse then replied. "I still think you should visit her again. Hey, I know, I can't go visit her today so why not just go by yourself after classes? Aubrey's busy too, and Amy. If it's some weird classical musician thing that's bugging you and Chloe, then we won't be there to interfere."

"I'll think about it." Beca then replied. "Hang on, why are you busy all of a sudden? It's near the end of the year, you don't have matches anymore."

"Soccer camp." Jesse then proudly said. "Truth of it is, watching you two play made me fire up! The upcoming season's going to be the year we win as champs!" he then declared. "So you better watch us Beca. Watching you and Chloe play the way you did, I know I'll never forget it. So you better not forget our big upcoming season!"

Beca looked at him a little at a loss before simply smiling a meek smile.

And for the first time in what felt like forever, Jesse could swear he can see a hint of the old Beca in her eyes.

* * *

"Huh?" Beca found herself gasp. She was on her usual route home, walking from school alone with all her friends having practice. It felt lonely to be left alone for once, especially after years of her friends always being the counterbalance to her grey world. The noise, the little semblance of life. But, Beca supposed, the change wasn't so bad. It gave her quiet at the very least, and in that moment she welcomed the silence she had grown so used to. She had a lot to think about.

But then, as if life had finally developed a habit of constantly derailing her plans, she found herself stop in surprise of the sight before her. There, on the little bridge above the river that ran near their neighborhood was Chloe Beale, alive and kicking and apparently out of the hospital, playing hopscotch with a bunch of kids.

"Ah, there you are Friend A! I was wondering when you'll be showing up." she greeted with one of her mega-watt smiles. It never ceases to amaze Beca how this girl could be everything and anything she wanted. She could be sweet and nice once moment, rather excitable and angry and grumpy and just as stubborn as she was herself the next, and then before she could even notice the change she'll have Chloe be all somber and sensible to her, hitting the nail on the head, pulling her out of the shadows.

 _Like she's literally the explosion of colors in my world,_ Beca thought to herself as she shook her head and chuckles. Chloe was life itself, passionate about every single thing she sets her mind to.

And Beca was slowly figuring out that Chloe has set her mind on pushing through her grey skies and pulling her out of it completely.

"You were waiting for me?" Beca asked rather confused. She figured if there was anyone Chloe would want to see after getting out of the hospital that it would be Jesse.

No, definitely not her.

Chloe took a deep breath. "You heard me right the first time." she declared, running up towards her, a skip in her step. "You never showed up at the hospital again and I wasn't going to let you get away with flaking out on visits and you know, causing the stop in the middle of my performance in the competition causing me to be disqualified." Chloe then said, a smile still on her face.

"Technically, I stopped but you could have kept go-"

"I don't want to hear any excuses from you now." Chloe replied, cutting her short, trying to be all intimidating. Beca could tell she wasn't being serious but it still made her feel guilty.

She knew what she had said to Chloe was true.

But she also kind of understood why Chloe stopped and threw away the competition.

She did it for her.

"I'm sorry." Beca then said. "I realize that I didn't actually say those words out loud. And I'm sorry for skipping out on visiting you."

Chloe nodded, looking thoughtful for a minute or two before addressing Beca. "That's why I think it's only fair for you to make it up to me, don't you think so?"

"You know, Jess might've said the same thing…" Beca then replied. "I don't have a choice, do I?"

"No." Chloe then said. "Just say yes, it shouldn't be a big trouble for you."

"Okay, but what do you want?" Beca then asked and Chloe grin.

And for some reason Beca could feel an unsettling feeling sink in the pit of her stomach. It wasn't exactly bad or anything, but the glint in Chloe's eyes told her she wasn't go to like it.

"There's an upcoming piano competition at the end of the summer. I want you to join."

Ah, there it was.

The girl who just doesn't know how to quit was still pushing her to break free from her chains. Take flight.

But could she even do so with broken wings?

"Chloe…" she tried to reason.

But then Chloe started to look brokenhearted about it. "I… I just thought it would be nice, you know? Here you play again after the terrible attempt we had during my contest… I… I'm sorry, I just wanted to help…" she replied looking like she was about to cry.

Beca was never the type of person to be comfortable around people who cried. It didn't help that she still hated herself for making Chloe cry before the contest, causing her to get late, possible being one of the factors why she pushed herself to hard and collapsed from exhaustion.

It didn't help that the kids that she had been playing with took notice, putting Beca in the spot.

"We-well… I suppose…"

"So is that a yes?" Chloe then asked looking hopeful. "I promise I'll help you prepare."

Beca took a deep breath and considered her options. She would most definitely bomb again and she wasn't even sure if she could ever play again.

But she didn't want to disappoint Chloe, break her heart again.

And that taste she was given… of playing again… of taking flight and finding freedom in music…

…she was partially blaming Chloe for it, partially thanking her…

But could she endure the pain? The hurt? It would undoubtedly reopen scars she would rather keep as closed and shut.

This was her crucible, or at least it would be if she said yes. There were only two outcomes to it. That she would make it through or she would crumble in defeat.

But that look… that hopeful look in those ocean blue eyes, it was like seeing the light of the sun breaking through the surface of the water as she swam towards the surface.

And Beca knew, she  _knew_  without a shadow of a doubt that she yearned to reach the surface and break through, to breathe again.

To  _live_  again.

Beca took a deep breath. "Yes. Sure." she answered and she was rewarded by the most beautiful smile she's ever seen from the redheaded angel that decided to intrude upon her life.

"Good! Cause I already signed you up with Etude Op. 5 No. 5 as your piece." Chloe then said leaving Beca speechless.

 _This… this was trap… I-I should have known this was a trap…_ Beca thought to herself but it was too late already.

She would be mad but then she felt Chloe pulling on her hand as they reached one of the ledges of the bridge. "So how about we commemorate this then?"

"What?" Beca then asked confused before watching Chloe climb over the ledge, looking like she was ready to jump into the river.

It wasn't like people never did that before. Beca could still remember the time when they were younger when Aubrey pushed her off the ledge. It was one of the hottest summers ever. The water below was cool and crisp and quite clean, and deep enough to deem reasonably safe to jump in.

But it was still an insane idea.

"Hang on, what are you- Chloe!" Beca called out as Chloe dove in. She quickly resurfaced, looking rather happy for taking the dive.

"Come on Beca! Live a little, will you? You have the rest of your life ahead of you, why not stop and make memories along the way? Join us in this world of the living!" she greeted back.

And Beca most definitely did not want to jump.

But for some reason she found her limbs moving, setting her bag down next to the ledge as she got into position…

…and before she knew it she felt the cool rush of the water great her as she sunk in.

It was exactly the same as when she was younger, although at least this time around she could anticipate the water, she was prepared.

She stuck around underneath, holding her breath and opening her eyes to see Chloe diving back down to check that she was okay. She reached out her hand and Beca smiled, joining her as they resurfaced.

A rush of air filled Beca's lungs, and as she breathed out she felt light, like a weight have been lifted. Her clothes were soaked, her hair dripping wet. She felt like an idiot as Chloe lectured her on how she scared her for a minute there when she didn't resurface immediately.

And Beca found herself laughing.

The fall was nerve-wracking but exhilarating.

Almost inevitable really.

And she should be mad, she really should be, or at the very least annoyed.

But the cool water, the bright colors of the setting sun, Chloe inches away from her checking to make sure she was okay, all of it was something so new, so wonderful, that Beca couldn't help but revel in the feeling.

It was the same feeling as she got onto the groove of things on that stage she shared with the crazy, annoying, unpredictable girl in front of her.

And she wants to keep remembering that feeling.

She wants to keep experiencing it.

"Ah, your glasses! It's gone!" Chloe then exclaimed, making a quick dive to search for it. Beca soon joined her, finding her new set of frames with ease as Chloe grabbed it.

_Thankfully. It would be a pain to get another pair in a span of a week after my old one broke._

When they resurfaced the two found themselves laughing, Chloe placing her glasses on for her.

And Beca found herself smiling for real, a kind of happiness setting in.

She never knew what she would get by having Chloe unexpectedly dropped into her life, the girl who came out of nowhere, constantly pushing her, never letting her be comfortable.

But the storm brewing inside of her had ceased to rage on that day because of the very same girl.

And oh how she shines, like the sun breaking through.

And Beca knew, she'd never compare to that.

But certain or not about what was to come next, she knew, she won't ever stop trying.


	7. Resonance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca finds herself awaiting her turn for the piano competition; meanwhile, old rivals take note of her return to the wolrd of music and try to outplay each other in trying to reach Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I feel like on a roll with this fic, let's hope it keeps going for a while. For now, here is chapter 7 featuring flashbacks, the brief mention of Cynthia Rose (she'll pop later on with our main crew) along with the introduction of Stacie and Lilly, and the end of summer piano competition begins!

The stuffy air in the auditorium never changed. Even the people started looking all familiar. Aubrey was used to it. If anything, only what they talked about was what did.

"Oh, hey, we know you two." Jesse had said as he settled down on one of the seats. Right next to him were Chloe's old friends, Ashley and Jessica.

"Yeah, we know a few people performing." Jessica replied. "Oh, Chloe! You're here too!"

"Yep, guess you guys aren't the only ones in a supporting role for today." Chloe then replied as she took her seat next to Jesse. Aubrey sat next to her herself with Amy to her other side.

"Huh, wait, you're not with Beca Mitchell right now…" Ashley noted.

"H-hang on… does that mean?!" Jessica then exclaimed.

"Yep, our little short stack's making her come back!" Amy then beamed, flipping open the pages of the program book they got to where Beca's name was on full display.

Aubrey settled down her seat, leaning on the back rest, as her friends chatted about. She was feeling nervous for Beca. Especially since the last time she watched Beca perform by herself on stage was the day the music died inside of her.

So how can she not be nervous?

Although she always was, looking back. For every competition she saw her participate in, even in recitals, she simply just did.  _Guess some things never change…_

There was still about twenty minutes before the actual performances started. Chloe wanted them all to be early to not give Beca any way of escaping her promise of competing. That and to give her time to get acclimated to the atmosphere of the music contest again.

Beca for her most part looked like she was half a bundle of nerves and half her old self earlier. Aubrey stole a glance at Chloe for a brief moment, thinking back on the summer they've had so far.

_All of this… it was because of her…_

… _an angel of music…_

… _Beca's angel of music._

All of them were had been hard at work. Jesse had renewed spirits leading the soccer team through their summer camp more spirited than ever, even she and Amy were as passionate as ever with soft ball.

There was simply no way she was going to let Beca get away with moving forward ahead of them, chasing after the music that had left her behind…

… _all because Chloe had set her on this path…_

Aubrey took a deep breath, she supposed it was for the best. Beca needed closure, and this was the only way she could ever attain that. But, she couldn't help but resenting the piano even more.

It took Beca away when they were younger with her lessons, it took Beca away with desolation she felt after she stopped playing, and it was taking Beca away now.

But away from what? From who?

Aubrey was happy that Beca wasn't as gloomy as before, that she wasn't just wasting away. But there was still that ache in her heart, an ache that won't go away, all as she tried to run after her and reach her.

"Is the piano all I'm good for, Posen?" Beca had asked one afternoon. It was the last day of classes and still she found herself in the piano room during their break period.

"Nonsense, Beca." Aubrey had replied then, "You're pretty good at a lot of other things!"

"Like what?" she had asked as if to challenge her.

"Like… like… uh…" Aubrey had mumbled, looking for something to say.

But in the end, she had none.

She had been so upset by it that Cynthia Rose, one of her other classmates, friend, and usual library companion when studying for exams, had taken notice. She had always been quite observant about things, but Aubrey had quickly shrugged it off.

A few days later, the summer camps have started. Aubrey was drained, tired and sore all over when by some miracle she had heard it.

Music.

Coming just outside of her window.

The years of silence having been broken.

It was rusty, and rough, and it sounded all kinds of wrong but it was music.

And when Aubrey opened her windows that late afternoon she saw Chloe playing on the keys of the piano, helping Beca get it tuned. She watched them – day in and day out, her curiosity getting the best of her – all while they worked hard in the music room shaping Beca up for the competition, the competition that Beca didn't even bring up to Amy, Jesse, or Aubrey until three days after they had cleaned up the music room and she was about to start practicing.

They left her alone for it, with only Chloe ever being at her side checking in on her to make sure she wasn't neglecting practicing. If anything, Aubrey figured Beca would need the space.

But she didn't seem to mind sharing the space with Chloe.

Chloe who would lecture her, Chloe who would end up falling asleep on the cramp couch of the music room at Beca's house making Beca get her a blanket to make sure she doesn't get cold while she tries to play all through the night.

Chloe who Beca would complain about for being tough, unprecedented, and a total pain in the butt.

Chloe who would make her smile, make her want to push herself harder, run faster to get back what she had lost… to take flight once more with music as her wings.

And Beca played, played with great uncertainty and a heavy heart at first, but she played. She pushed herself, she fought hard.

She wanted to…

Aubrey wanted to…

She didn't want to be the only one left behind. Jesse didn't either. Amy too.

So they started showing up, supporting Beca while they dragged her out in the day to school and hung out in between practices. The sessions were then spent in the school music room and Beca's home. They would cheer on each other.

When Beca would stop, frightened and terrified, Chloe would pick up her violin and play the piece for her. Amy would play a recording they had.

And she would pick herself up again.

Jesse was in charge of lightening up the mood.

And Aubrey would bring her snacks if she got hungry, especially during the late night practices.

Aubrey took a deep breath and calmed herself, her eyes focused on the stage.

She wasn't sure what would happen next, how Beca would do. She looked ready the other day, being able to complete the piece without a problem.

"She'll be okay." she then heard Chloe say, placing a hand on Aubrey's own that was resting on the arm piece. "And if she totally bombs, we'll still be here to cheer her own."

Aubrey smiled.

She hated the damned piano.

But she knew it made Beca happy.

And if this would help bring her back to life, then she had to have faith in Chloe's words.

* * *

Beca took a deep breath.

So far so good.

She was trying to keep her mind blank, trying not to think about it much.

She's been doing better with the piano. Not that she's magically solved her problems. She just figured she could find ways to not focus on that dreadful feeling of losing the sound of the notes that have abandoned her.

She would focus on the notes in front of her in the music sheets, trust muscle memory on which keys to strike next, if not then try and focus on the memory of Chloe playing the piece on the piano or transposing it on the violin for her to hear.

Beca would practice playing on the keys from memory, she would practice playing the piece on any surface she could find until she knew it by heart. That was all she could do.

Especially since she found that she couldn't exactly say no to the manic, stubborn, unpredictable, gale storm of a girl that was Chloe Beale.

Yes, the very same patient and kind girl who stuck by her through the mess she signed her up for in the first place.

Beca couldn't really understand what Chloe was playing at here. Did she think it was some kind of charitable act to get her back to the world of music?

Why would she spend so much time on her? Make sure she finds her footing back, make her feel alive again?

Why would she relentlessly push her out of her comfort zone all so she could play again?

She could have spent all that time with Jesse instead, get to know him more.

But every time Beca asked herself those questions she would find her way back to Chloe's simple words.

A world without music for people like them was death itself.

And all that Beca could think of when that happens is how she craved to be alive again.

Impossible task or not, she was about to find out.

* * *

_She_  was here.

After years of absence, Beca Mitchell finally showed her face again.

As soon as Stacie heard it from her music teacher, she knew she had to decline the invitation for the international competition she received months ago. Her one and only goal was to beat Beca Mitchell.

After all the years of coming second to the inhuman prowess of the so called child prodigy, finally,  _finally_  she had the chance to upstage her, prove to the world that she was the better of the two, that it was her name that had to be immortalized on people's lips, synonymous to Mozart and Beethoven and even Chopin.

Stacie took a deep breath. She patiently waited the entire summer for this, for this chance.

And when she saw Beca going into the backstage waiting rooms she knew she was finally going to have it. The wait had been over.

Nothing much changed since they were younger. Beca Mitchell, ever aloof to the presence of other young musicians with her backstage, awaiting their turn. But Stacie figured, this was the time to break that pattern. This was her moment.

Beca had always been one step away, always close enough but just out of reach.

This time, this time it was her time to shine.

She was going to make the human metronome listen to her notes, feel her music come to life.

And beat the accuracy and precision to which the world had come to associate with Beca.

Stacie was the first to perform. She doesn't get stage fright anymore, not much at least. If anything she looked forward to it, the chance to shine brighter than any star, to have all eyes on her as she performed.

This time however, she started to feel something akin to nerves but she chucked it up to excitement. She's been dying to have a proper competition for so long and with only Lilly to compete against, it wasn't really that fun.

The stage was bright, the crowd waited with baited breath. Stacie could feel it, the anticipation in the air for her to strike that first note, for her to start the piece.

And when her fingers had hit the key she knew she was home.

This was what she worked so hard for. She lived and breathed only for the music. Only to play like her, no, better than her.

Chopin's Etude Op. 10 No. 4. The "Torrent" Etude.

The notes came in a flash, fast-paced and tenacious like herself.

She had spent years chasing after her.

And Stacie knew this was the culmination of her passion, of all those years of hard work and effort.

Yes, she would make her listen, make her feel, the music that came forth within Stacie herself.

She would reach her. Surpass her.

She won't be ignored any longer.

_I'll make you listen. I'll make you see me._

_Your eyes better be on me, your ears tuned to my music._

_Beca Mitchell, you better hear me._

* * *

There was thunderous applause just as Stacie Conrad, ever the brilliant pianist, finished her piece. Lilly had been waiting on the sidelines eyeing her competition on stage, being the third one up.

Stacie seemed to be more fired up than ever, bearing it all, stroking the brush that was the notes of the piece in one continuous swoop as she painted herself in history. Her hands were shivering as she took her bow, excitement still coursing through her veins, the rush and the thrill of the performance evident on the self-satisfied smirk on her face.

She quirked an eyebrow at Lilly as she passed her by on her way back, a gesture paid back in kind by the usually stoic girl.

It was an unspoken challenge, she knew that much. The challenge that had been going on for years between the two of them.

A challenge on who would dethrone Beca Mitchell.

It's always been the three of them after all, with Beca always coming up on top and the two of them fighting for the scrapes of acknowledgement in the form of second or third place.

But no, she won't let Stacie be the one to do it.

No, definitely not.

That prestige was reserved only for her, Lilly Okanakamura.

She still remembers it. The first time she heard Beca Mitchell play.

She had always been a quiet and shy girl. But then, all of a sudden, she saw it. A world coming to life thanks to the music created by one unfeeling girl her age.

Ever since then Lilly wanted to play the piano. Learn it. Master it.

Until the day she reaches Beca Mitchell.

Until the day she surpasses the human metronome.

This time it would be her painting Beca a picture. Her making a mark with her sound.

Before Lilly knew it, it was her turn.

She could feel it, the same kind of nervous excitement that Stacie must have undoubtedly felt. The stuffy old auditorium had grown to be dull and gray all throughout the years of Beca's absence. But now that the prodigy had returned home, Lilly could see the color bursting into life ready to welcome her.

Ready to reignite the fire in all of them.

Chopin's "Winter Wind". Etude No. 25 Op. 11.

From the first key that Lilly had hit, she poured every emotion welling up inside of her, the melodic lines breathing life into the auditorium, making the audience feel the same thing. Her anger, her sadness, for being cast aside and abandoned.

_Why did you leave us Mitchell? Were we not good enough?_

_Did you hunger for better competitors?_

_Did you grow tired of winning?_

The last few years had grown too tiring and boring for her, with nothing to motivate her to play other than wiping the smirk off of Stacie's face every now and then.

But this time, this time she will shine.

She will live up to her potentials.

She would make the human metronome of the music world tear up just like she did the first time she played.

_I want you to feel it, every note I play is for you to hear._

_Let it ring, Mitchell. Let it echo._

_Let it ring._

* * *

Beca expected the competition to be tough, especially with her current state.

She expected her peers to be quite good too.

But listening to each one play, she had to admit, they all surpassed what she had expected.

Beca kept impatiently tapping her foot, shaking off the nerves as best she could. "Beca Mitchell, you're on standby." one of the stage assistants had said after the intermission.

After the next one… after the next contestant… it would be her turn.

It wasn't the first time since her breakdown that she graced the stage, she did accompany Chloe after all.

But this would be the first time she'll have to face the music alone.

Beca took a deep breath and stood up.

Chloe was right.

They were on a journey.

And no matter how long it takes for her, no matter how bumpy the ride, she would see this one to the end.

Or at least try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is a bit long but it should be up in a few days' time (okay, maybe a week). As for ongoing fics, I'm planning to finish the Ouran AU over the weekend then my Supergirl epilogue of a sequel fic the first half of next week before refocusing on this one. I've missed writing and I'm currently re-watching the anime so hopefully that should be enough to get me through to finishing this fic. I have a lot of feels for it. That said, advanced trigger warnings for the next chapter as we're for sure delving into Beca's head and there'll be some pretty bad memories along with it. It's mostly her chapter with snippets of a few character's POV of her performance. Oh, and Luke. We'll finally get Luke. CR will make a full participation in the coming chapters after that ;)
> 
> Again, sorry for the hiatus and thanks for bearing patience. Grad school's buried me deep in work but I'm slowly resurfacing ;)


	8. Revival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca faces her demons as she gets on the stage and plays her piece; a familiar face listens in the crowd and makes Beca an offer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's chapter 8 featuring Beca's performance, a peak into her past, the introduction of Luke, and an unsuspecting offer?
> 
> Trigger warning: Beca's gonna have some flashbacks and it would get emotional, especially when we reach to a certain part with her mom. So yeah, just a heads up, it might get too heavy.

The silence was unnerving.

She could feel it again as she wait for her turn backstage. The ebbing flow of the waters threatening to crush her spirit as each wave hit her chest, drawing out the air she breathed. Quickly, the silence is all she could hear. Like the water was taking over every surface that surrounded her, threatening to reach her ears, inches just below her nose.

Beca was afraid it would fully immerse her in the cold dark depths that had been waiting for her.

And she hasn't even started playing.

_Why are you even here? Aren't you scared you'll be humiliated again? You can leave and no one will miss you… it wouldn't matter. You're no Beethoven or Chopin,_ a voice had said to Beca, as the words echoed in her mind.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. The voice was right, she couldn't really remember what on earth she was doing her.

All she could hear was heart beating loudly in her chest, screaming to run now, now that she still had a chance.

But for some reason she couldn't.

For some reason her feet stayed firmly on the floor where she stood behind the stage, awaiting her turn.

_You can't run._  Beca told herself.

Not after the performance of the girl Conrad who kept going back and forth with her lukewarm treatment of Beca. Not after the other girl Lilly, whose last name Beca kept tripping on, marched back into the waiting rooms after her performance, grabbing her by her collars, wanting to say something but held back.

Not when she knew her friends would be in the audience, expecting her to grace the stage with her presence.

"Are you ready?" one of the stage hands had asked. Applause filled the air and Beca found herself back in the present day reality. The pianist before her was about to leave.

It was her turn.

_Are you ready to start your journey?_  she could already imagine Chloe asking.

And her heart beat louder. The dusty smell of the backstage filled her senses, the lights before her shining in bright colors.

Beca took a deep breath again.  _How did I never notice this before?_

She was uncertain, she was nervous, she was scared.

But all of that was better than merely existing, than being hollow.

Was she ready? It was a cold hard maybe.

But she wants to be.

And with a shaking hands and quivering resolve Beca pushed herself to take one step forward, and then another.

It was time to return to her battlefield.

_Sit yourself down Beca,_ she then heard her mother say, the voice coming from nowhere in sight. Beca stopped in the middle of the stage to quickly glance over to the crowd. Nothing.

She could feel her breathing get erratic again as she steadied herself and urged herself to cross the remaining distance.

But as she returned her attention to the piano on the stage she could see the image of her mother waiting for her, sitting on her wheelchair, looking very frail as she urged Beca to take her seat.

Beca obliged not really having much of a choice.

_Let's begin._

* * *

"Hmmm… is that?" Luke asked himself, propping himself up his seat as his eyes took note of the stage. He didn't bother getting a program book earlier, only going to the contest because an old friend had one of his students compete in the first place. His student was okay at best, nothing great but nothing bad, still definitely a newbie in his humble opinion making him feel like he wasted his time.

But now, now he was glad to come.

Now that his eyes rest upon Beca Mitchell.

"You've disappeared on us for quite some time." he noted mostly to himself in a rather somber tone.

Could she do it? Could she really make a comeback after everything that's happened?

She stopped midway on her tracks, undoubtedly the nerves were getting the best of her, but she persisted.

Luke took a deep breath as Beca took her seat.

_Only one way to find out._

* * *

Beca took a deep breath to calm herself. She was scared but then again she knew, so was everyone else.

Chloe made sure she got that message loud and clear.

So she had to try.

She had to go on.

She shut the world around her and focused on the piece now engraved in her memory. Chopin's Etude Op. 25 No. 5.

" _Wrong Note"_

As soon as Beca's fingers hit the key and the music filled the auditorium she felt at ease. It was working. Her playing was no different from before she had quit. She could play the piece on muscle memory alone. She could hear the notes fine.

She could do this.

_That's right Beca. That's good. A musician should be a mirror that reflects the score. Keep playing that way._ Beca could hear her mother say.

She tried to shake away the images, shake away the memories. She was here to play like always, simple as that. Just to play the piece.

She wasn't here to win, not necessarily. She wasn't here to chase away a hopeless dream or live in someone else's shadow.

_You're going to win again for me, right Beca?_ she could hear the question going over and over again.

_You didn't play like this the last time. You went and played like everyone else,_ her mother's voice kept haunting her.  _You disobeyed the composer's intentions… and see… see what it did?_

Beca tried to snap back to reality, but the words were clawing at her.

_What it did… what it did…_

She played in a recital. It wasn't the first time she ever did, but her mother was there to watch her. She was getting sicker, her health failing. She's been coming in and out of the hospital lately, and the only time Beca could get her to smile was whenever she won.

Her father was gone again, away on some business trip, so one of her mother's students brought her in t watch her, and Beca wanted to reach her. Make her feel how much she loved her through the music that she played…

_Shut up. Shut up._ Beca tried to tell herself, tried to tell the voice of her mother.

That was ages ago.

That was far too long ago now.

She focused more on the notes, her fingers still hitting the keys with the right accuracy and precision.

But the damage was done.

She had gotten more aware of the chatter, of the words… human metronome… soulless puppet… her mother's marionette.

_Shut up. Shut up. Shut up._

They didn't understand. She was playing to make her better. She was winning for her, to keep her by her side, to make her feel stronger. It was all that made her happy.

It was why when she came to watch her performance then she was excited. She was happy.

She wanted her mom to be happy.

Beca could feel herself go off the movement. She was missing the pace, messing up the keys.

_Focus, Mitchell, focus,_  she then told herself.

_Focus, Beca, you can't win if you mess it up,_ she could then hear her mother telling her.

And Beca did, she focused on nothing but the movement, nothing but the score.

The score that was beginning to whisk away, just as the water rose to drown her in her sorrows, the notes disappearing along with the air that she breathed.

_No, no…_

Beca fought. She wasn't giving up. She wasn't going to lose them this time. She focused on the memory of listening to her recording, to the times that Chloe would play the piece for her, give her something else to focus on.

She focused on the way she played so free and light unlike her, so rigid and disciplined.

_As it should be_ , came the voice again.

And Beca's thoughts traveled back in time to when she was talking to Aubrey and Jesse rather animatedly. Excited that her mom would be out of the hospital for her performance. It was in the middle of summer, Beca was sweating from the long sleeves she wore while sitting on her front porch eating the sandwiches that Aubrey brought over for lunch.

" _I'm gonna play and give it my very best as a gift to her!"_ she had chirruped, eyes shining like the sun that day.

And she did. As soon as she reached the stage, her eyes glanced over to the left side of the auditorium, towards the back, where her mother and her longest pupil was. Beca had taken a deep breath and as soon as her fingers hit the keys, the music came pouring out of her, hoping the notes would reach her mom.

She wanted to make her proud.

She didn't make her proud.

" _Did I not tell you to review that score over and over again?"_  her mother had said as her hand slapped Beca's face, making her drop the music sheets. She tried to pick them up under the constant berating that her mother had given her right in the middle of the lobby of the concert hall.  _"You made too many mistakes, you misplayed the third and eleventh movement because you let your emotions get away!"_ she had continued, using the cane she rarely used to walk anymore to hit Beca. Beca did her best to shield herself, but the slaps were becoming harder. She could feel the crowd coming over, stopping what they were doing as they witnessed what was going on.

" _Stop it, Mrs. Mitchell, that's enough. You're being too hard on her!"_ her mother's student exclaimed.

But her mother didn't listen. The hits got harder and soon Beca's poor little arm couldn't shield it anymore, the cane coming down hard as it hit the side of her face, sending her glasses flying away and drawing blood in the form of a small cut above her head.

She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, the sting coming from the cut.  _"You disappoint me. You're not going to bed until you play that part perfectly."_ her mother went on.

And Beca could remember the many missed summer days when Aubrey would knock on her door asking her to play outside but she had refused, choosing her lessons over them.

And she could remember struggling to hide the bruises she got every time her mother would hit her whenever she made a mistake in practice.

And she could remember the chatter, the ones that would talk about her bruises, how she was being turned into a soulless machine to play as perfect as she could. She could remember the whispers about how her mother was a monster, never letting her play, being too harsh on her…

Beca could remember how she cried that afternoon, an anger welling up inside of her.  _"All I wanted was for you to be happy, even when I wanted to play, even when you would hit me, I kept playing to make you happy, all I wanted was for you to get better and be happy, and yet…"_ she had remembered saying.

" _ **I wish you'd just die."**_

Beca remembered the words she never meant to utter. She had said them in anger, with her head bleeding, throwing the sheets back right at her mother before running off. Her mother's student found her eventually in the park that night on a swing staring blankly at the ground, the cut on her head bandaged off with the help of Aubrey who had fallen asleep on the closest park bench not wanting to leave her.

_Right, that was the last thing I said to her,_ she thought to herself. Because after that her mother had been hospitalized again. After that she had been too afraid to come in to her room or speak with her.

_That's why the notes have forsaken me,_ she then thought, remembering the next time she played on a stage, her mother having recently passed away.

She saw her, at the spot where she had been the day she came to watch Beca.

And the notes started to disappear.

_It's my fault. It's all my damn fault._

Beca remembered the desolation she had felt. The despair as she tried to chase after the music. She looked up to that spot, the music starting to fight against Beca's grasp again.

And there she was, like a haunting memory.

_This… this is my punishment…_ Beca thought to herself.

And she could hear her mother's response.

_That's right dear, this is your punishment._

All as the silence drowned her.

_Thud. Thud. Thud._

No matter how hard she stroke the keys, she couldn't make the piano sing its hymns.

_Thud. Thud. Thud._

It was gone.

All of it was gone.

* * *

It was rough, it was terribly rough. Luke could hear Beca writhing in pain as she struggled to play the piece.

He shook his head. This wasn't how she used to be.

She started out fine, just like always, but Luke knew that she was better than this. He's seen her perform before, not just making the crowd feel in awe of her skill, but perform in a way that transcended music in itself.

She was suffering, she was hurting.

He could see old scars reopening.

_You have to fight this, Mitchell. You have to fight. Don't let the past drown you._

_You're better than this._

_You were better than I've always been._

"Don't quit on me now." Luke grumble to himself as he continued to watch in pain, remembering the little girl who always outplayed him.

He could hear the tension in her playing ease up, as Beca slowed down her pace.

_No. No. Don't you dare stop playing now, Mitchell._

"Don't quit now."

* * *

_Maybe I should just stop,_ Beca thought to herself.

She can't go on playing the way she was playing. It would be for the best.

_That's right. You're no Beethoven or Chopin. You're not Mozart either. No one would care,_ the voice in her head said again. A voice different from her mother's but it was still one that mocks her.

All she could hear is the dullest  _thud_  of the keys, all she could feel was the numbness the silence left behind.

She can't keep doing this, torturing herself in trying to regain what was already truly lost.

She's alone in the cold lonely bottom of the abyss.

Beca was about to give up, her pacing slowing down as she looked up to find the bright lights of the stage above her.

" _Beca! You have to see this! Do you see your entry number?"_ she could hear Chloe's question from earlier that day echoing in her thoughts.  _"K.265, Mozart's 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'. I guess that means the stars will be shining above you as you play!"_

Beca took a deep breath, remembering Chloe's words.

_Right. She said that. And didn't Jesse say…_ she thought to herself, remembering her long walk home the other day with Jesse. The two had come from the school, Beca having gone to watch her friends practice.

" _Still can't hear the notes, huh? Guess that's just setting you up perfectly. There are setbacks in becoming a superstar you know, it's what makes your story interesting and all the more dramatic. It's what you do in the face of diversity that defines you, like the stars at night. You look up, and in the darkest of the dark skies you see them shining their brightest."_

Beca calmed herself down.

Aubrey never said anything but she'd keep bringing her food everyday knowing full well that she'd forget to take care of herself as she practiced. Amy would drag her out for a break.

Jesse would cheer her up and try to force her to watch movie to clear her mind.

And Chloe would never leave her alone. She'd push her, remind her of their love of music.

_She would remind me I'm not Chopin._

_She would ask me what the piece meant to me._

_Who are you? Why do you play?_

_Why do_ _**I** _ _play?_

_Why did I play to begin with?_

Beca took another deep breath to calm herself.  _Right_ , she used to play for her mother. To make her happy. To make her feel better.

_But I started to cheer up Aubrey,_ Beca remembered. She ran up to her mother one day wanting to learn how to play something nice for Aubrey after her grandmother died.

And she continued playing for her mother.

And now she was playing because her friends had faith in her.

Because they believed in her.

Because an impetuous redheaded girl chose to believe in music.

_So I'll guess I better try believing in it too._

Beca took one last deep breath as she steadied herself. She stole a quick glance at the crowd, finding Chloe who looked incredibly nervous for her. She smiled weakly as she focused on the keys.

_Why do you play Mitchell?_ the voice asked her again.  _Who do you play for?_

But Beca never bothered to answer that question. She didn't need to. She was playing for herself – she wasn't Chopin or Beethoven or Mozart, but she wanted to play as herself.

For her friends who never left her side.

And most of all, she was playing for Chloe who never stopped believing in her.

Now Beca was the star shining in the night sky fighting. Her pain, her sorrow, her struggles to find herself in music once more.

She was the music of her regrets. This was her apology to her mother.

She was the music of her broken heart, for giving up music all together.

She was playing to reach the people who cared her.

She was playing to reach  _her._

To once again share the scenery she shared with Chloe, the scenery of spring that gave him the strength to perform, the ability to play again.

_You live in the music that haunts me, that taunts me,_ she thought to herself as she could start to hear the notes of a violin that shouldn't be there. But how could she not, everywhere she turned, every circumstance she faces now, there she was, being as merciless as ever.

She won't let her quit, she won't let her give.

So now that music follows her everywhere, even when she's drowning in her sorrows.

But the water has gone, the strong harsh waves weren't threatening to swallow her alive, she could breathe again.

_And now, the music that sustains me,_ Beca smiled as she imagined those long afternoons in the music room, Chloe falling asleep with a smile on her face as she relentlessly practiced.

_So tell me, Chloe, do I exist in the music that follow the notes?_

_Can I reach you like you've reached me?_

* * *

She was back.

Her idol –  _wait, no, Stacie, no she is you're rival_ , Stacie chastised herself – the unmatched pianist who was a breed above the rest.

At least, when she started playing that was the case.

Stacie wasn't sure how to feel. She was still reeling from her embarrassing encounter with Beca Mitchell backstage after she had wrapped up her performance. She was on her way to change out of her dress in the dressing room and back to regular clothing when she walked pass her by the hallway. So used to being snubbed, Stacie was all kinds of flustered when Beca smiled light and said "That was amazing."

She heard her. She watched.

And she thought she was amazing!

But now, Stacie was sitting next to her mentor in the audience, watching the rest of the performances. There really was no need to stick around backstage now that she was done.

The piece Beca played was rather unusual. Inconceivable even. Beca Mitchell always picked the hardest pieces to play to demonstrate her skill. That's why Stacie chose her piece, and undoubtedly that's how Lilly chose hers too.

It was a response. It was a challenge.

And Stacie thought, as Beca started to play, that Beca was going to answer.

But then she started slamming the keys as she played, the music started to sound so fats and rough, playing with no mastery at all.

Stacie was feeling so frustrated, grasping the program book in her hand as she watched her so called rival start unravelling, falling apart on stage.

She felt slighted, insulted, for all the hard work she had pushed to try and surpass her.

And now this was how she repays her.

_What kind of terrible joke is this? Does she really not think we're worth being treated seriously?_ Stacie thought, wanting to get up and leave.

It was pissing her off.

And she almost did. Stacie stood up, looked around in the audience expecting Lilly to seat somewhere near her own instructor, expecting to see her just as insulted as she was.

But that wasn't the case.

Lilly looked at Beca on stage, brows tied together as she listened to whatever her instructor was telling her. It almost seem like she looked sorry for Beca Mitchell.

Stacie took a deep breath. Whatever, she wasn't going to care about this. Beca always left during qualifying rounds as soon as she was done, like she already knew the results, she never cared about them, never saw them. She wasn't going to care now.

But just as Stacie turned to leave, it hit her.

How the notes had changed from the masterful beginning, the sloppy middle and now…

…now…

Stacie took back her seat watching in Beca Mitchell in awe.

She used to laugh when Lilly would tell her the story of the first time she heard Beca play. A girl of five who was a nervous wreck. She was like a robot, unemotional around the people around her.

But then she had hit the keys and with every stroke painted a picture of the most wonderful garden in Lilly's eyes. She felt everything, all emotions, all at once and she burst out crying.

Stacie had always wished she could have seen that.

And now, now she was.

This was the Beca she had chased after, no, even more.

This was the Beca she wanted to beat.

* * *

She was back, the stainless steel piano inaccessible to all of them. The piano prodigy who Lilly could never challenge out of the hollows.

She felt a mixture of both excitement and disappointment as Beca played the same way she always had, painting the world in hues of gray and in the dullest of lights.

And then, perhaps to spurn them or mock them, she began playing terribly.

So embarrassingly so that she was slamming the keys in desperation, rushing through the piece like a madman.

"Ah, so I guess the rumors are true." her mentor then said right next to her. Lilly turned, a questioning lingering in her eyes that urged her piano teacher to tell her more.

"I was there when she last played. She had a breakdown on stage, stopping in the middle of her performance, sobbing. A lot of rumors where spread but some of the people who used to be close to her mother said that Beca quit because she couldn't play anymore. That it seemed like she couldn't even hear the notes she was playing. Judging from this, I'm thinking they're right."

Lilly looked back on stage shocked to hear the news.

But then if it were true, why would she dare herself back in the music world. Was it on a whim?

She was never interested in people, in them, not even in herself or anything at all. She was only interested in the piano, that's why Lilly vowed to make her care someday.

And it seemed that Beca was starting to care, chatting with Stacie briefly backstage before they each went their separate ways.

Beca was acting odd in ways Lilly has never seen. That whole interaction was the first thing that tipped her off, the next was that she picked an easy piece to play, rather inconceivable to tell the truth.

And now, she was making a mess of herself. Why?

_Were the hollow halls of your silence too lonely? Did you miss this? Miss us? No, you didn't even know us. So why?_

For a minute, nothing seemed to have changed. Then it did, in the worst possible way. The perfect notes now sounded so broken and shattered as they fall upon Lilly's ears.

And Lilly was about to give up hope, the hope that the little girl who inspired her to become a pianist would ever grace the stage once again.

But then, just as it all became dire, she could feel it.

They were wrong, Beca cared.

And now she suffered on the stage, she struggled. The emptiness of her accuracy and precision were drowning in the echoes of her misery and pain.

Now her broken heart was evident as the melancholic notes carried them, painting a vision of blue that demonstrated her sorrows, her regrets.

And as the notes picked up, the piece reaching its tail end she could see the colors turning, a bright shining star fighting against the darkness.

She was fighting.

If Beca Mitchell really couldn't hear the notes anymore then she was fighting.

She's let the sorrows overwhelm her and now she was fighting to regain the music she lost in her life. Now that she's accepted it, she was moving forward.

The hues of blues turned into the colors of blossoming flowers in the spring right before Lilly's eyes.

She stopped playing the piece by the score.

She stopped playing by memory.

She started playing from the heart.

Lilly could almost get a glimpse of it. The pianist that Beca truly was.

And for once the stoic pianist smiled.

* * *

Chloe was feeling sick the whole time, like she would through up. But she tried to reel it in, Aubrey was already feeling the same thing and she knew someone had to be stronger between the two of them. Jesse had fallen asleep, evidently Amy too. The two only waking up as Beca's performance started.

And from the start, there she was, the human metronome that won every single contest. She could play and play well, and Chloe knew she shouldn't be worried, but she still did.

She still felt nervous.

She pushed Beca this hard, and she was glad she's made it here, but she was still scared. What if this becomes too much?

She could still remember the first time Beca played. The first time she heard her, the feelings Beca's playing gave her…

…they were the feelings she cherished. The ones that made her give up the piano to become a violinist.

So that they could share one moment together, play in harmony and share a scenery.

And Chloe was afraid, because the last time Beca played, she quit in the middle, the notes having abandoned her.

For while everything was okay but then she could see, the cracks on the surface of the girl who always tried to be perfectly composed on stage.

Chloe was scared, she was scared that Beca would give up, especially when she slowed down playing.

_No. No you idiot, don't. Don't give up now._

It wasn't that she wanted Beca to win, no. She simply wanted her to live again. Live in the music, come back and return from her desolation.

She couldn't just let her drown in her sorrows after all.

She's always wanted to reach Beca, reach her with her music.

Make her feel the same way she made Chloe feel the first time she heard her play.

That time when a girl next to her just started bawling afterwards.

Because that was how powerful music was.

Especially the one that poured right out of Beca.

Chloe could feel herself near tears, Beca seemingly lost in her own desolation.  _No dummy! Didn't I tell you? Music transcends. It transcends words, actions… keep playing, with your broken heart, with your sadness, keep playing. Until you find the image that the piece evokes in you, until you figure out the feelings it stirs inside of you._

_Beca, please, keep playing._

_Don't let the darkness consume you._

Chloe grabbed the edge of the seat in front of her. She and Aubrey were perfect mirror images of each other as they waited for the inevitable that they were afraid of. Jesse and Amy were both awake now, the two sharing the same concerned look on their faces. Even Jessica and Ashley were worried.

The Beca who played the first third of the piece was who she usually was, and the Beca playing the second third was an epic mess.

But then, the Beca who played the last third was once that was transformed.

Chloe watched in awe as she found herself feeling every note, every movement of the piece. The tempo was shaky at first but then Beca found her ground.

And everyone watched in awe and silence as they were engulfed inside Beca's world of spring, an awakening from the winter chill that was Beca's sorrow.

Chloe found herself breathing a sigh of relief as she watched.

She was back.

The Beca who inspired her, pushed her, unknowingly motivated her to become a violinist was back.

The Beca whose music lived inside her since the day she first saw her performance was back.

_At last… she's returned,_ Chloe thought tears beginning to run down her cheeks. She didn't bother to hide it. She could see everyone touched by the music that escaped Beca's fingertips.

_You're here._

Chloe smiled.

_Beca Mitchell, you're here._

* * *

Beca knew, the points she must have lost with that inconsistent performance must mean she's already lost.

But she didn't care.

Only one person mattered at that time, only one person whose opinion mattered to Beca.

She stood up, bowed and looked up on the crowd that was still trying to figure out what just happened. Her eyes fell on Chloe.

_So tell me, did it reach you?_

_I hope it reached you._

And as Beca took a deep breath, about to make her exit, she looked back at the spot where she would see the ghost of her mother haunting her, surrounded in the darkness that threatened to swallow her too.

But the image turned form gray to a wild array of colors, and the memory of her mother smiled back down on her.

She didn't know what to make of it, but she did know that Beca felt like a whole weight has been lifted form her shoulders.

* * *

The crowd didn't even realize that it was over after Beca finished playing. She stood up and bowed with a smile on her face, not a hint or regret or anything.

That was the shakiest performance Luke has ever heard in his life. The beginning good, the middle bad, the last part… it was like music was brought to life that words would fail to even capture what that was.

It was jarring at worst.

But completely transfixing at best.

And Luke could tell, that the entire audience was indeed transfixed as a scatter of applause started to fill the hall, Beca's music still resonating deep within them that they have only began to stir awake and realize that it was over.

The Beca of the last third… it didn't sound like anything Luke has ever heard. It was highly simila to that first time Beca played, and that other time she watched her perform with her mentor, Beca's mother.

But this time it was different.

This time it was free.

His four year old girl couldn't stop crying, overwhelmed by the emotions imbued in the last third of Beca's performance. "Would you like to buy her flowers?" he asked her and his daughter nodded, still clutching to her stuffed toy cat.

Luke was lost in thought after that, decisions needed to be made.

He wasn't exactly a world-renowned pianist but he was quite well-known in the country. He had a promising career ahead of him when he fell in love a good six years ago with a then aspiring photojournalist whose career took flight. Now he's mostly a stay at home dad.

He has been giving lessons like his former mentor now, although mostly to young kids.

Beca was still that shining diamond, that child prodigy that could always play better than him but she needed guidance. She was still suffering, struggling to find her way back, and Luke couldn't really blame her.

Her mother was tough, even on them who were only her students, but especially on Beca. Sometimes a little too much.

He could still remember finding her all broken inside in a playground after one of her last performances. He could only guess how much she hated her mother then.

The tragedy of it was that as soon as Beca left running, her mother began to cry.

" _You didn't need to be so harsh."_ Luke had said, finding it hard to keep quite with the brutality of her punishments.

" _I have to."_ she had whispered in a quiet sob.  _"I'll be gone soon. I need to get her ready in the smallest amount of time. Her father's always busy, no one's going to look after her. No one's gonna help her stand on her own feet. She needs to learn everything I know now so she can make a decent living and stand on her own. She can grow to hate me, but she needs to be strong. She needs to be ready."_

Luke sighed at the memory. He understood her sentiments but still disagreed with her actions. He walked back from the outside into the lobby, one hand holding a small bouquet and the other his little girl's hand. He stopped short of the sight in front of him in the lobby. There, in the same exact spot where his former mentor cried, stood Beca Mitchell looking so uncertain at her friends who greeted her back.

And apparently making new ones as a redhead seemed to introduce two of their group members to Beca.

"Do you want to give her the flowers?" Luke asked his daughter who eagerly nodded. He handed her the bouquet and urged her to run up to Beca as he lingered a few steps behind, still thoughtful.

He watched as his little girl, her blonde hair in pigtails, her little hands struggling to hold both bouquet and her stuffed toy, rushed towards Beca both nervous and excited.

Beca regarded her with a strange curiosity. The redhead regarded her with adoration.

"Accept the flowers!" the redhead all but commanded with a smile still on her face and Beca quickly accepted despite the reluctance. Luke supposed, there was no need to guess Beca's sudden return anymore. The way they regarded each other was all Luke needed.

"What's your name little girl?" the redheaded girl then asked.

"Avril." she chirruped in response.

"She's your new avid fan, Mitchell." Luke then said as he walked towards them.

"Luke." Beca then squeaked sounding rather surprised. Luke could feel the heaviness of the atmosphere surrounding them as he smiled at Beca. "What brings you here, shouldn't you be a famous pianist now?"

"Yeah, but I gave it all for love." Luke then said, reaching out to pick up his little girl to let her seat around his neck and give her a ride.

"Ah, I see." Beca commented dryly.

"Wait, wait, wait, Beca, who's the hottie?" a blonde girl with Australian accent asked but Beca ignored her. She then turned to ask a different blonde, the girl always with Beca in the past. Luke believed her name was Aubrey.

"I feel like we have so much to catch up on." Luke then went on, ignoring the chatter. "But I don't suppose this is the place to do that. I'm glad you've decided to return Beca, you're still a little rusty though."

"And?" Beca then asked curiously. "There's an 'and' to this, I can feel it."

"I really don't have much to do lately, so if you want, I'd like for you to consider becoming my mentee." Luke then said making his offer.

Beca's group of friends chattered excitedly among themselves but one look at Beca and Luke could already sense the answer she was about to give.

And Luke would understand. He was his mother's student and he could tell that Beca would very much like to live outside her shadow.

But that makes him the perfect mentor.

Because he understood the pain that Beca would undoubtedly bury deep inside her and hide.

"Don't give me an answer now." Luke then said. "I still live in the old house I used to rent, bought it now of course. Come by when you have an answer ready. It's tough Mitchell but I want you to know, I'm not like my mentor. The music still lives inside of you, it's suffering, but it's still there. I know she wouldn't want to watch it die. She'd want you to reach the stars your way now, but you can't do it alone."

Beca looked conflicted and simply nodded.

"But when you do give me the answer, could you let me know which one was it?"

"Huh?" Beca asked.

"Oh, you know, the one you're in love with! The piano was practically singing it as you played!" he then teased making Beca all flustered and the chatter of her friends all the more lively.

Luke chuckled, it was nice seeing some color in those cheeks every now and then. Although, he had a feeling he was going to pay for it dearly one way or another.

So with that, Luke bid them farewell.

He wasn't sure if she'd bite with the offer, but he sees it.

No, he felt it.

The music that made his mentor smile and cry and feel.

A kind of music that not everyone had.

And it would be a shame to simply let it all die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I started rewatching the anime and it just moved me to keep updating. i'm working on the next one already but I'm also working on the Ouran updates. Since they're shorter, the updates to the Ouran AU fic (Barden High School Host Club) might come first this coming week and then chapter 9 for this one.
> 
> Thanks for all the support so far! And I do hope this fic reaches you wth its words the same way music reaches the characters ;)


	9. Summer's End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca contemplates about her next move; Aubrey thinks about what the future would look like now that things are changing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Grad school life isn't easy so I do apologize for the delays. I have one other fic I'll be finishing up over the next week and then I plan to focus on this one. I'll strive for an update every other day or two.
> 
> Thanks for all the support with this fic! For now here is chapter 9, we have a lot of flashbacks here as Aubrey, Chloe, and Beca contemplate the aftermath of the competition (that yes, Beca so totally lost), what had happened then, and what will happen next. It sort of a transition to the next chapter where our beloved characters, especially Beca, make a few important decisions.

It was like a metamorphosis, something so entrancing that despite the pain and worry that Aubrey could feel in the pits of her stomach, despite the dread of history repeating itself over and over again as Beca let a heavy shadow drape upon her on stage, Aubrey couldn't bare take her eyes off of her.

The anger, the frustration everything that followed her usual stoic performances, it stroke a deep chord in Aubrey.

Like music came to life as Beca played, and everything that she kept to herself, everything she hid behind her tall walls kept pouring out of her with every key, with every note… until she emerged of it.

Someone knew, someone transformed.

Someone  _alive_.

And while Aubrey couldn't help but feel the happiness that she felt for Beca taking that first painful step forward, while she couldn't help but get angry at the tall brunette – she believes her name was Stacie Conrad – who was also part of the competition for approaching Beca and being upset at her for turning up with such an inconsistent performance – because who does she think she was, what right does she have to question Beca like that and be upset? – Aubrey couldn't help feel a different kind of pain.

The pain of knowing that all this time, the endless hard work Beca had put into this performance, the suffering and the frustration, the undying drive to see this through despite not being entirely certain… all this time it was Chloe who saw the truth.

She needed this.

Beca needed this.

And Aubrey who's known her for all these years totally missed this.

She was sad, she was hurt, and she ached for Beca and the silence she lived in after what had happened to her many years ago. After her mother passed, after she broke down on stage. She wanted Beca to return to music, get closure, play the piano and realize that's truly not her life anymore.

She wanted her to move on.

And it was, perhaps, the most selfish of her wishes, but it was the truth. She wanted to see Beca alive, to feel alive, and not simply exist in her quiet monotonous world.

What Aubrey didn't realize was that if she did confront her demons then Beca would realize she was only truly alive when music surrounded her. That life without music to her, without the piano, was simply not living.

And Beca didn't need to say anything.

All Aubrey had to do was watch her on that stage, change, grow, start to heal, to know that it was in that moment when she was playing, pouring all her heart out with the piece she had selected to play, to know that that was the truth.

To know that Chloe was right.

To know that Chloe saw this from the very start.

To know that Chloe knew and understood Beca in a way that Aubrey could never do when she was supposed to know everything about Beca.

"Please don't push her so hard. I don't want to see Beca suffer." Aubrey had said to Chloe one afternoon, catching the redhead off guard. Chloe looked thoughtful for a minute and gave her an understanding smile.

"Right now Beca is turning the sorrow and grief, the pain and the hurt to notes, Bree. Exposing her own pain and suffering even her own struggling self, that's the only way she'll break free of the chains holding her back and find her way back to dwell in music, play music that breathes life." was her response, making Aubrey feel a twitch of jealousy at how easy it was for Chloe to know this. Making her wonder if Beca ever told her this or said anything about it.

Because she sure as hell never told her anything.

Aubrey got up and out her bed, looking out the window she started contemplating what she should do. School would start again in just a few days, the competition was over and done, but the music never stopped. She could hear the soft playing sounds of the piano coming from Beca's house and Aubrey simply didn't know what to do.

The part of her that wanted to go back to the way things were was telling her to go and make breakfast for Beca who for sure hasn't eaten and bring it over.

The part of her that saw her progress and change over the summer told her she shouldn't intrude.

If Beca was playing then there was a high probability that Chloe was over at Beca's house just like how it had been over the summer as Beca prepared for the competition.

She's happy Beca's not as gloomy anymore, of course she was, but she hated the change.

She hated it.

So Aubrey decided to not go over and take a walk instead, clear her head. But the image of Beca playing on that stage, of becoming so much more than she was before, of overcoming the ghosts of her pasts, it was forever engraved in her memory and it was just too hard to concentrate on anything else.

_What on earth is wrong with you?_ Aubrey asked herself as she walked down the familiar street she and Beca had taken so many times as children on their way to the playground and the town hall.

The same street they took last night on the way back from the competition.

With the changes that kept happening, kept overtaking, and kept overwhelming her.

She's never walked down the street before having to comfort Beca after losing a competition. Aubrey was too busy searching for words to say while Jesse and Amy kept yammering about how to comfort Beca, Chloe staying all but silent.

"I can hear you, you know?" Beca had said, stopping all of a sudden before turning around with a genuine smile on her face. She took a deep breath before running down the slope of the hilly street, Chloe right behind her. Jesse and Amy shared a confused look before they started running after her, with Aubrey being left to ponder for a few minutes what on earth was going on in that head of hers.

Aubrey had rushed down the slope the best she could. A few days before the contests, she had twisted her ankle during their team's summer camp. She took her time, thoughts on why Beca was acting so strange, an image of her running down the slope so free on her mind.

Yes, free, like a bird in flight after mending a broken wing.

When she had found them she saw her friends laughing on the side of the street, sitting on the pavement. That's when Aubrey understood, winning had stopped mattering to Beca.

And everything had truly changed.

She had found something that mattered to her more than winning, more than chasing perfection.

And it hurt in her chest every time Aubrey thought about it not being her.

"Whatcha thinking about cap?" Aubrey heard someone say. Sure enough one of her teammates was standing right behind her. Cynthia Rose looked concerned and it bothered Aubrey how much it looked like she understood what was going on inside of her.

Especially when she couldn't even put it into words herself.

"I'm fine." Aubrey lied.

"You don't look fine." Cynthia Rose pointed out. "How's the ankle?"

"Perfect, I think I can join practice soon."

"You know cap, when you lie, you do this thing where you take a breath and exhale as you say your response. Everyone in the team has noticed." she then pointed out annoying Aubrey even more. "Is this about Beca?"

"What about Beca?" Aubrey huffed, crossing her arms across her chest. "Nothing's wrong with Beca."

"Well you kind of seemed upset with her. Throughout summer practice you always get distracted whenever we hear her start playing in the music room for practice. I do admit, I'm impressed they let her use the space in the day."

"The teachers are big fans of her and the school councilor thought it would be a good idea to help her deal with her moodiness and stuff with everything that's happened to her." Aubrey replied with a shrug still not wanting to talk much about things.

"Huh, didn't know that." Cynthia Rose gave as a reply. "Still, I'm just worried about you cap, you got yourself hurt during practice because your head's not in the game and all. We just wanna make sure you're okay."

"Everything is." Aubrey insisted.

"Well, I'm hear if you ever want to talk about it." Cynthia Rose replied before bidding farewell.

Leaving her to her thoughts again.

* * *

Chloe smiled as she watched Beca scruff down the pastries she had brought over. They spent a lot of time over summer getting Beca into shape for the competition.

And maybe she bombed a little, maybe she was stoic a bit at the start.

But she bloomed, a musician learning to paint a world of colors once more as she poured her soul into her performance.

Chloe remembers seeing the dusty piano room for the first time, smiling even bigger as she took note of how clean it was now and well organized and taken care off. The cobwebs were gone, the feelings of desolation having disappeared, and the sun was shining once more, filtering through windows smiling down upon them.

"What?" Beca asked her, downing the hot chocolate Chloe also brought along with her.

"Nothing, just thinking."

"About?" Beca pressed on. "Please don't tell me it's about my performance. I know it's terrible already, you don't need to let me know that."

"No it wasn't." Chloe replied. "It was true, your performance I mean. It told a story, your story."

Beca simply nodded and smiled. "I thought you'd be my critic again that's why you're checking in." she replied and Chloe laughed. "What was it again, that thing you said when we first started practicing?"

"It takes courage to sail in uncharted waters, something Snoopy said." Chloe replied remembering the times she would have to lecture Beca for playing everywhere, still going in and out of it, giving up on herself before even starting. But now she sees a Beca who had renewed faith and vigor.

"So what's the reason for the visit?" Beca then asked.

"Would it be too hard to believe that I care about you Mitchell? What you did yesterday, it wasn't easy. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I don't think Aubrey or Jesse or Amy would forgive me if I broke you by having you go through all that."

"You're not being all apologetic now, are you? You did put me through hell." Beca then replied and Chloe couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt.

She wanted to see Beca break free, find herself again, feel alive.

And while she wanted for the best, she wasn't entirely sure if she pushed her too hard either.

But Chloe… she just didn't want Beca to give up on herself, that's why she kept pushing her out of her comfort zone.

Because it simply broke her heart to see Beca be like the desolate and dusty piano in the room before they cleaned it and tuned it again.

"If you shut yourself in, you'll suffocate, sometimes you need to look up and see the sky." Beca then said, getting Chloe's attention and snapping her out of her thoughts. "Those were your words to me, remember?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Those words helped me get through it all. You've put me through hell, Beale, I hope you know that, but I also want to thank you for it." Beca then said with an awkward shrug and a sincere look in her eyes.

Chloe simply nodded in response. "I'm just glad I could help you with something."

"Yeah, well, don't let it get to your head." Beca then commented with a smirk.

Chloe shook her head and threw one of the throw pillows on the love seat in the room she was sat on prompting a "Hey!" form Beca after it landed on her face.

"So tell me miss hot-shot pianist, what was your answer?" Chloe then asked remembering a question she had posed Beca during the long days and nights of endless practice. She had just finished lecturing Beca after another round of bickering about her way of playing the piece.

"Before you fingers touch the keys, you must determine in your mind how you're going to play it." Chloe had told Beca, quoting Anton Rubinstein. "So tell me Beca, how are you going to play this piece? What does it mean to you? What's in your heart when you play it?"

But Beca never answered it then.

And she refused to answer it now, giving Chloe a simple shrug.

"I guess I just refused to get another lecture from you if I gave up then." Beca then gave as a cheeky remark, earning her a second pillow from the love seat.

"I'm not kidding though," Beca then said, picking up the pillows as she stood up from where she sat on the piano stool, "I don't think I would have made it this far without you. Thank you, Chloe."

Chloe stood up, meeting Beca halfway through the room to give her a hug. "Just don't say you'd be lost without me." she then said, almost in a whisper, because none of it would mean much if that were the case.

"No, I won't." Beca then replied sounding uncertain.

But she did hold her in her arms too, a quick but uncertain hug.

And Chloe let it be for now.

* * *

Chloe left as soon as she came, or at least after the pastries she brought along with her were all but consumed. Not certain of what to do next, Beca pulled up the video recordings of her practice sessions with Chloe over the summer before listening to the performance Chloe had recorded for her the other day.

It wasn't the first time she listened to it. She and Chloe both listened to it the night before after going home. Chloe wasn't sure if she should leave her alone, after all she suffered her first loss, and decided to order pizza in case Beca decides to sulk away and forget to eat again.

"I'm not that helpless!" Beca had protested although she most definitely appreciated the gesture.

That's when Chloe pulled out the recording and wordlessly hit play. It said it all, the inconsistency of the performance that started with a heartless machine, and angry girl hitting the piano keys before all but giving up, and then… some kind of magical transformation in the end.

Chloe didn't dare criticize her then. Instead she simply decided to comment on the last part of her performance. "That part was wonderful, like all new colors started to jump up from the stage and surround you." she noted and Beca dreaded for Chloe to ask what she was thinking about then.

She did sort of ask her that morning and somehow Beca couldn't find the words.

Because how could she say it? How should she tell her that all she could think then was the image of spring that she shared with her before? That image and Chloe herself?

How, when she's supposedly in love with her best friend?

Chloe instead asked her that night if she resented her, and Beca had been quick to say no.

And before she left that morning she asked it again, because after all, the suffering and pain in her performance was evident, and Beca was quick to reassure her that she didn't. "I was suffering yeah, painful and challenging, but we're sailing in uncharted waters right? So thank you." Beca had told her.

Because it was true.

_My world began to change when I met you_

"You love it but you can't go near it. You want to touch it but you want to forget it. Music is your life Beca, and you're suffering because of it. Something's gotta give and the only way to reconcile all of this is if you go on a journey and face whatever it is you might find at the end of it." Chloe had told her once during their endless practice sessions and now Beca knew she was right.

_You swept away the cobwebs…_

It wasn't easy but Chloe never gave up on her so she was thankful for it, despite it making it worse for Beca and the bittersweet feeling she had regarding Chloe.

"Plain, boring, pedestrian, mediocre." That's what Chloe would tell her when she would play like a robot. "You sound like you don't have any soul!" she would reprimand.

_Right, and you helped me find it again._  Beca thought to herself as she listened to the tail end of the performance, her thoughts still on Chloe.

"What did you have in your heart the last time you performed? It was there before wasn't it." Beca remembered asking her during the last night of practicing.

"Yeah, feelings deep down our hearts, I guess it's impossible to approach the stage without it." was what she had given as a reply.

"So what was it?" Chloe had pressed on, making Beca smirk and annoying the hell out of Chloe because she thought she wouldn't say it.

But she did, and it was the one time she had said her thoughts about Chloe out loud. "I had you in the field of fireflies." Beca had told her, remembering one of the evenings over summer, walking home from school together and stumbling upon the lovely sight of it. Chloe stood by the door of the piano room at Beca's home not entirely sure what to say.

"You know I'm not always going to be around to help you." Chloe whispered, stopping herself from leaving just then.

But Beca had shrugged it off. "Who said that? Snoopy again?" Beca had instead asked, Chloe had been quoting too many people and characters as a source of inspiration for Beca.

"Charlie Brown." Chloe replied with a weak smile before bidding her farewell then.

But Beca didn't let her get the last word. "Watch me transcend perfection!" she yelled back as Chloe left and Chloe had simply chuckled before getting her on bike and going home.

_Like you,_ she had thought then but opted not to say out loud.

The recording stopped. Beca knew she didn't exactly keep her word and transcend perfection but she did feel something awaken inside her.

A new life breathing inside her.

There was much work to be done.

And if she did intend to keep her word to Chloe, it meant that she can't stop now.

Sure, she dealt with and faced her demons on stage the day before, but would she have the strength to do it again?

Could she turn her back on music again? Or accept it with all her heart.

At that moment, all Beca knew was that she needed to make decisions of her own.

* * *

Luke wasn't exactly the patient type. It had only been a day since he made the offer and he was very much tempted to go get an answer from Beca then and there. He managed to stop himself just before going out of the door with Avril only to find that Beca was standing outside ringing his doorbell.

Hence why he was now sitting in his living room with Beca, drinking coffee while his daughter went back to her room to play. "That was fast. You have an answer to my generous offer, I assume?"

Beca chose to ignore his question. "I'm here 'cause I've been thinking."

"Thinking about what?" Luke pressed on.

Beca took a deep breath. From what Luke could tell she still seemed uncertain about things but she was trying to be brave at least. "One day in April, I met a really weird violinist." Beca started. "She's totally outrageous, unpredictable, and hyperactive sometimes. She likes to push my limits really, and tends to leave a wrong first impression. But when she smiles she smiles like an angel," she went on smiling to herself as she talked about the violinist who Luke guessed was the redhead who recently joined her ragtag group of friends, "and she never gives up on me." Beca finished with a deep breath.

"And?" Luke then pressed on, wondering if Beca truly was in love with the girl because she sure sounded like she was.

"She believes in me and she believes in music too." Beca then replied. "She dragged me on stage after I kicked, punched, and tried to claw my way out to become her accompanist. On that same old stage I tried running away from, that same stage I ended up inhabiting with her for a few minutes where we played together, I saw something I never saw before."

"And?" Luke then said again.

"Is that all you can say? 'And?'" Beca then remarked.

"I can tell you haven't gotten to the point, Becky." Luke replied.

"Don't call me that." Beca then responded before taking a deep breath. "And I want to see that again." she then added.

Luke smiled thoughtfully. "I suppose your answer is that then, huh?"

Beca nodded, and that was all he needed to know.

They have a long road ahead of them, after all, they had no time to waste.

It was time to work on getting the piano prodigy back in perfect shape.

* * *

Aubrey spent most of the day hanging out at the park, reminiscing about the summer days of their youth. Those days felt so far away.

She remembered the days when she had to drag Beca out of the house, wearing ridiculously thick layers of clothing with long sleeves to hide bruises that Beca never realized Aubrey knew about. She remembered the days when she'd push Beca to do things like play dodge ball or hide and seek, or just slide down the hilly slopes of the park.

On her way back, Aubrey couldn't help but remember that one time she pushed Beca down the hill as Jesse and their other playmates rolled down themselves, making it a competition on who gets there fastest. There were two things that Beca never really did in public, one was take risks, like that time when they were kids jumping off the bridge into the water, and two was that she never cries.

That afternoon she did both, mostly because again, Aubrey pushed her.

As Beca reached the bottom, her glasses flying off to a corner that Jesse had to scramble on his feet to look for it, Beca started crying. She landed wrong and twisted her ankle that Aubrey had to carry her home on her back, already dreading having to explain to her mom what had happened. Beca wouldn't stop crying, and Aubrey had to keep trying to cheer her up, fighting the tears herself.

Because she had pushed her that afternoon and Aubrey could feel the guilt consume her. She got hurt because of her.

In the end, the two of them were both crying as they reached their neighborhood. Beca's mom had been surprisingly understanding but she wasn't allowed to play outdoors anytime soon after the whole incident. The only consolation Aubrey had felt then was at least Beca did not injure her hands, or else there would have been serious consequences.

_Oh, how so many things have changed since then…_

Just a few days ago it was Beca carrying Aubrey on her back after practice. And time heals old wounds and all, Aubrey knew that. She knew that nothing would ever stay the same either.

But it was that night that she had started to notice that Beca had become much stronger of a person than Aubrey could remember.

It was that night she noticed how much she's grown up.

How much she's grown to be independent, how much she was starting to find herself again.

All things that Aubrey had wanted for Beca.

And it hit her that as she wished for this in the past, she never really thought about the possibility that as Beca becomes who she was supposed to be, there was a chance that she would be left behind.

That at a certain point, Aubrey won't be able to keep up.

Aubrey stopped for a brief minute outside of her house looking over at Beca's. No music was playing at that moment, and Aubrey noticed how much she was welcoming the silence then.

Summer was ending, and soon fall would take over. Aubrey can't stop the change.

But how could she ever deal with losing Beca to music again, in a different way from the many times before?

When they were kids and she had to practice.

As they grew older and silence took over her.

And now that Beca was transforming, becoming who she was meant to be?

How much could she really be okay and fine watching her grow as she slipped away from Aubrey's reach?

Aubrey wasn't sure, she just knew that it was something she needed to figure out on her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the update! Thanks for the patience and I do hope I can get the next one up in a few days.
> 
> UPNEXT: A surprise performance invite; a crash course practice; and a piece that meant a lot to Beca!


	10. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca and Chloe get ready for a recital they are invited to participate in; Jesse and Aubrey think about their real roles in the things happening around them and what the future could hold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, we're halfway through! Sorry it's taken this long to continue this fic. Been busy and all…
> 
> For now, here's chapter 10 featuring Luke's musings, Aubrey's stubborn forced obliviousness, Jesse's own thoughts, Chloe unwittingly pushing Beca in the right direction to heal again, and the continuation of Beca's journey.
> 
> Heads up for Aubrey's POV, Beca's an idiot consumed by her thoughts and might give you a bit of a scare.

It was the last days of summer. School was about to start for Luke's beloved mentee in three days and instead of being sad that summer was at its end, or excited that school was about to start at the very least, Beca once again a bundle of nerves.

Two days after her shaky performance in the Chopin piano competition, Chloe had unexpectedly dropped by at Luke's home – with Beca already there getting a head start in once again undertaking the difficult path of becoming a pianist, or at least trying – with an invitation to play during a violin recital. The winner of the competition she had lost with Beca was set to be the last performer while the best of the other contestants and audience favorites were all asked to participate.

"So, will you be my accompanist again, Friend A?" Chloe had asked with a huge grin on her face. For a minute or two, Luke was worried that Beca would shut her down and say no, that she wouldn't.

"She will." he answered for her in a split second after that thought had occurred, earning him a death glare from Beca.

"Not your decision to make for me." Beca had then replied with a grunt.

"Well, you are my mentee." Luke had pointed out before Chloe interjected.

"So what's it going to be Friend A?"

"The competition is in two weeks Chloe!" Beca had grumbled. "We haven't even practiced or selected a piece!"

"We originally competed with a piece we didn't even get to practice because you kept playing hard to get! Besides, you still owe me for that terrible performance and you didn't exactly do too well with the piano competition – "

"That you forced me into." Beca had interjected.

"That's beside the point. We have two weeks, I already have a piece in mind too. If you say yes, we have no time to lose. I'll swing by your house to bring dinner tonight and start burning the midnight oil practicing!"

"Well, it's not like you're going to accept no for an answer…" Beca had then said, caving in, and just like that, she was out of the frying pan and into the fire yet again.

All thanks to a fiery redhead who just won't quit on her.

Luke couldn't help but chuckle at the memory as he walked down around the town square with Avril and a still very much annoyed Beca. It was a lovely night outside, the three of them eating cotton candy as they explored the town's annual end of summer festival. They've been practicing for a few days now, Chloe thinking that taking a night off would be good for Beca. Luke agreed, although Beca seemed to vehemently protest anything the two of them were saying at the moment.

"What on earth were you finding so funny?" Beca grumbled as they stopped near the fountain in the middle of the town square, Beca slinking down one of the benches scattered about.

"Oh, I just remembered how much I have to thank Chloe for everything she's done. You're growth and improvement over the last few days is astounding thanks to her."

"I don't know, she still thinks everything I do is pedestrian." Beca replied, taking a huge bite of her cotton candy before helping Avril up the bench to sit next to her.

Luke laughed. "Well you do still sound like a robot at the beginning." he commented, earning him another glare from Beca. "I do have to admit, the two of you definitely argue like a married couple."

"Shut up, you're starting to sound like Jesse."

"The soccer captain at your school?" Luke then asked. "I thought he likes Chloe, why would he say that?"

"First of, Jesse doesn't like a particular girl, he thinks Chloe's cute but he's more in love with the idea of love than actually being in love with anyone. And second, he meant Aubrey."

"Oh." Luke then said with a hum. "And what do you think about it?"

"She's like my own personal older sister hounding me about. I can't blame her, I do get pretty useless on some days." Beca then said before taking a deep breath and looking up above the sky, her eyes searching for the stars. "My world was pretty dark for a while there. Jesse, Amy, most especially Aubrey… they're the ones that kept trying to pull me out of it. It was never enough then, I guess because Chloe  _was_  right. Because I kept ignoring the part that kept me alive. Because I felt pain, so much pain and I chose to feel numb instead of dealing with it and embracing that pain and suffering and exploring who I am through it."

"And now?"

"And now I'm suffering. Still suffering. But I think it's good for me. I see colors everywhere now. Sometimes they're in melancholic hues but sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by the wonderful blooming colors of spring, that I'm surrounded by the lights of thousands of fireflies in a warm summer's eve. Sometimes I feel like I could be happy, and that suffering and sadness is just on the opposite side of that same coin. That they both go hand in hand in life. And as much as I'm annoyed by the hell I'm going through now, by having to face a nightmare to see a better day every time I play that stupid piece Chloe selected, by having my heart ache every time I feel the scars I have in me reopen and reseal, I know I'm feeling better more and more each day. I know that Chloe's right. And this is my journey to see through to the end. Just don't tell Chloe I said that."

Luke smiled warmly before placing a hand on Beca's shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Sounds like you're growing up Mitchell. More than that, sounds like you're in love with a Ms. Chloe Beale."

"I… it's not like…" Beca then started to say, becoming rather flustered and dropping the rest of her cotton candy. It was clear that the topic had caught her by surprise.

"It's fine Beca. It's fine to feel the way you do, if you're worried about the whole 'but she's a girl' thing. Love is love, and I think that what you and Chloe have is something pure and true, her being hard and strict on you included. She wants the best for you."

"That's… That's not it." Beca shyly admitted, briefly looking away before acknowledging Luke. "She likes Jesse."

"Hmm, well if that's true then why does she keep choosing to spend time with you?"

"Because she needs me to be the ever dependable Friend A." Beca replied sounding rather glum. Luke would disagree but he figured it would be better for Beca to see and realize that for herself. The way he sees it, Chloe most definitely cares a lot about Beca, so much that he could say that she's in love with her.

Sometimes it's in the little things, in the subtle things we do, in the little ways we show it.

And if Chloe didn't love Beca with all her heart then why would she sacrifice so much of her free time in wanting to play with her, in wanting to see her soar again?

It just didn't make sense.

But Luke figured, best not to meddle now and let things happen on their own way.

"Well either way, you're most definitely all grown up now, Beca Mitchell. Matters of the heart not included, but hey, even the best of us grown-ups still mess things up." he then said, taking the seat next to his daughter and looking at Beca all proud.

"You're not getting sentimental on me now, are you?"

Luke laughed. "What? Am I not allowed to be? I'm like your big brother at this point. I've seen you in your diapers, Mitchell, and I watched you become the pianist you are now. One might say, I had the pleasure of discovering your talent." he went on, remembering days gone by where he would march over to the Mitchell's household and ask Beca's mom if he could play their piano there and practice because he would be upset with his current girlfriend, or be annoyed by his then roommates. "I'm sure your mom is even prouder than I am."

Beca smiled a bittersweet smile. "Hey Luke, do you think… do you think she's ever forgive me?" she asked, the crack in her voice telling Luke the ache in her heart that she's been trying to hide.

Regrets and sorrow buried deep within for so many years that Beca was only dealing with now.

Luke shook his head in response and smiled, trying his best to hide the tears threatening to fall. He would always remember the time he saw his own former mentor breakdown in tears, expressing her worry for Beca, lamenting whatever little time left she had with her, to get her ready. He never agreed to her methods then but he knew, even in her dying breath, it was Beca that was on her mind. Worry about her, about who would remind her to eat breakfast and brush her teeth, about who would watch over her when her father was on a business trip, about who would be there in her lows, who would cheer on in highs, and who would encourage her to never stop playing when she's losing faith.

She never hated her.

It was more that she hated herself for being sick. That she was angry that she had to get Beca ready in such a short time to face the hard life and difficult challenges ahead of her.

"Idiot, you're already forgiven." Luke then said. "You've been forgiven before you even did anything."

"What?" Beca asked, confused, a tear trailing down her cheeks. She sounded almost in disbelief at hearing what Luke had then said.

Luke shook his head once more. He knew why she was asking this, what she was struggling with now. He knew what she was afraid to face on that stage once again.

"You need to face this head on so you can say goodbye, Beca." he started to say, trying his best to keep his calm and not get emotional now. "You never lost the music deep inside you, the sound that comes from your soul, you let it override you without thinking during your last performance. The sound within you, the imagined scenery… wasn't there any moment you imagined the notes suffused with your emotions? You never lost it Beca. The only reason why you stopped hearing the music inside of you was because you were drowning in your own sorrows. You kept drowning in your pain and your regrets. Stop thinking and feel, just feel the music and let it come to life."

"But…" Beca then said, trying to interject, wiping her tears away as she did.

But Luke never let her finish. "Losing the ability to hear, I think that's a gift, so don't you dare say it's a curse or a punishment your mother left you, because now, Beca… now you can stop focusing on the movement, the tempo, the sound, and the score. Now you can close your eyes, cover your ears, and play as you feel, you know? Set yourself free from the technical… That's what your mom left you. So no. Not a curse, not a punishment."

Beca simply nodded thoughtfully. "Thanks Luke." she replied.

"Daddy! Can we play games in that booth? I wanna win the giant bear!" Avril then piped up, breaking through the heaviness in the atmosphere that surrounded them for a while.

"Beca, would you do the honors?" Luke then asked.

"Sure." Beca replied, jumping onto her feet and offering a hand to Avril. Luke watched the two as they ran over to the booth, Beca's mood improving a little as she played with Avril.

Luke took a deep breath and sighed. "I do suppose I should be the one apologizing." he whispered more to himself.

All of this was his fault after all.

He was the one who unwittingly pushed Beca to the piano.

The one who convinced her mom who had been so reluctant to teach Beca more than a few simple pieces after witnessing first hand her own genius.

"I hope you can forgive me for your suffering one day, Beca." he then said before standing up and following the two.

* * *

 

"Does this really have to be the piece we play?!" Beca complained as rubbed her temples. The two of them have been practicing their performance for a few days now and Beca still seemed stuck in a rut.

If anything, all the complaints that Beca was giving told Chloe it was most definitely the right piece that she selected. Sure, Beca made it through her last performance but that doesn't mean she's all cured with her problems.

Chloe could tell, she was still struggling with something, wrestling with emotions she'd rather keep lock up. She'd ask what they were, maybe help Beca work through it, but they were musicians. Chloe knew that what words failed to capture, Beca could speak through the notes.

If only she'd set herself free from the bonds of the past that haunted her.

That's why she selected the piece in the first place.

There sitting on the dusty bookcase where Beca had kept all the music sheets and pieces that she and her mother used to play was a well-kept booklet, standing out in contrast of the dusty old ones that were left forgotten.

She first saw it the day she and Beca cleaned the music room at her home, the only one that seemed to be constantly dusted and taken care of, suggesting that whether or not Beca played the piece, she most definitely took it from where it was for whatever reason she had.

_Liebesleid._

_Love's Sorrow._

Rachmaninoff's arrangement of Kreisler's piece.

"I think it's perfect." Chloe then said in a gentle voice, making Beca feel bad from all the complaints she's been giving out.

"I just… I can't… Chloe."

"How many times now did you say you can't but end up surprising yourself anyways?" Chloe threw back as she watched Beca take a deep breath and sigh.

"Why would does it matter? If you really want to play this piece maybe ask Luke to be your accompanist instead."

"I don't want to play with Luke, I want to play with you. How many times do I have to say that?" she replied, starting to get frustrated.

Somehow it always felt like it was one step forward, two steps back with Beca.

Chloe knew it wouldn't be easy, and she was happy to be more than patient about it, but lately she's been thinking about what the future would hold for her.

What if this was the last chance she could ever play with Beca?

She wanted to make the most out of it.

True, it was rather greedy and selfish of her to want more than just that one opportunity, but can anyone blame her, she felt happy every time they did.

She felt at peace.

"If it's about not hearing your notes…" Chloe then started to say before Beca turned to face her looking a little torn.

"It's not that. I can hear them fine right now." Beca admitted, her eyes staring down on her own hands.

"Then what is it?" Chloe asked, sitting down the love seat opposite of the piano stool and reaching out to hold both Beca's hands.

Beca quirked her lips to one said, pursing them shut before letting go of another sigh. She looked up, looking a little bit guarded once more. "It's nothing… well maybe not nothing… but… it's just…"

"Are you afraid you'd stop hearing them again?" Chloe then asked, searching Beca for answers, her eyes that seemed to be hiding a storm of emotions that she couldn't put to words.

Chloe wanted to push, help her move forward, however she felt like she would be intruding upon something sacred to Beca. At least that's what the way Beca was acting then suggested. "Stop thinking about how we're going to play it during the recital, at least for now. Just play with me. Play as if it's the last time you'll be playing with me. This is your chance Beca, to let what this piece is making you feel in general or how it's making you feel about me scream out its message into the world. Also, I'd like to go through one round of full practice if you wouldn't mind."

Beca chuckled. "I'm really not allowed to say no to you, am I?"

"Nope." Chloe replied with a cheerful smile. "Remember, think about what this piece means to you. What do you think about as you play it?"

"Fine." Beca replied before slipping her hands out of Chloe's grip and turning to resume her position with the piano. "Ready when you are."

Chloe stood up and took a deep breath as she grabbed her violin.

Their practice was rough. Beca sounded like she was grappling with something that was distracting her much throughout most of it but she did relax a bit towards the last minute of the piece. When they restarted, Chloe took more of a strict approach, focusing on getting Beca into form again.

It was one of those days again. One of those endless nights as well, one that always ended with the two exhausted as they filled the house, and the entire block if Chloe was being honest considering that every time she leaves she'd notice one of Beca's neighbors or two thanking her for playing again. They must hear them somehow, or perhaps when they pass by outside the house the do.

Those thoughts always made her feel happy, content, warm.

She was doing something, leaving something behind.

She wasn't entirely sure when she found herself falling sleep on the love seat, all she remembers was that Beca wanted to play the piece a few times on her own to get it down and hear her thoughts on it. Chloe must have dozed off at some point but Beca wasn't done, she wasn't quitting, as she heard her playing her heart out, the music making Chloe feel some kind of farewell through the notes that Beca had been playing. She smiled a little as she opened her eyes a bit, watching Beca get lost in the music as she played. Chloe barely registered the blanket she was wrapped up in until she shifted her weight and notice the edge spill down a little. It was something that Beca must have gotten for her when she first noticed she was asleep because Chloe was sure it wasn't there before.

She pulled the edge closer to herself, curling up and snuggling inside to keep her warm as she felt the heaviness of sleep pull her into her dreams one more.

Chloe smiled lightly once more before her eyes fluttered shut, simply enjoying the thought of falling asleep with the music Beca played serving as her lullaby.

* * *

 

It was a week into the start of classes. In a few days, Jesse, Amy, Aubrey, and the rest of their friends would be sitting in the town's stuffy music auditorium and watch the stage come alive as Beca and Chloe both unleash their musical genius.

If only they could actually stop bickering like a married couple for a good five minutes and just play. They barely have time to practice now that school had started and they needed to make the most of lunch time and after school hours when the teams had their practice. That's the only time they were allowed to stay on campus grounds after classes.

"Stop sticking to the boring old script! It's a recital Mitchell!" Chloe complained, stopping herself from playing after barely getting started.

"You're the one who was invited, not me." Beca argued back. "You need to be the one standing out. It's a violin recital, not a piano one."

"I'll stand out on my own because  _I'm_  playing." Chloe then harrumphed. "Everything we've been through already won't amount to anything if you keep playing the way you're playing."

"I'm playing fine." Beca threw back.

"You're playing without a soul!" Chloe complained again. "Live a little, will you?!"

"Ugh, fine. Let's try it again." Beca then replied, throwing her hands in the air with resignation.

"And we thought it was bad when she fought with Aubrey." Amy then commented, standing right next to Jesse outside of the window of the music room. The two of them were eating ice cream as they waited for Aubrey and Cynthia Rose – who's been starting to hang out with them more and more now that Aubrey's declared the two of them to be study buddies or something – from finishing their own lunch in the cafeteria.

"Hmm, can't help but think you're right." Jesse then replied with a chuckle. "It's nice to see Beca be lively though. We could never get her this interested in anything."

"You okay J-man?" Amy then asked, catching Jesse off guard. Truth be told he was a little bit jealous that the attention was now on Beca. He's been so used in being the star athlete, the leading man in his group of friends, the one who attracts the attention of all the girls. It was strange to see Beca being the one who was taking center stage so often now – although in a way that was his own fault, it had always been this way before when Beca was younger with all her competitions and all that he never bothered to show interest in until they met Chloe – but more than that, it was so strange to find Beca being the one who someone else was interested in.

He was happy for Beca, sure.

But he felt like crap for being something like a second fiddle to her now, especially with Chloe.

It really makes one think of what they're doing. He's all about meeting cute girls and falling in love, he never thought about what it felt like when he would decide to step down and realize he was only chasing an illusion of love rather than be in love with the girl he was chasing.

But now, it was different. Sure, Chloe would still pay attention to him, be extra nice and all, but somehow Jesse felt like he was just a means to an end.

And it made him realize that perhaps he made other people feel that way too, no matter how much of a gentleman he tried to be.

He can't really be mad at Chloe either. Mostly because he was thankful for all she's done for Beca now.

And anyone who would take the time of day and fight against Beca herself for her own good is someone Jesse would treasure forever. After all, he cares a lot for Beca. He cares a lot for Chloe too.

Their happiness would be his too, whenever the hell they figured it out and get their act together.

But then again he could feel empathy for yet another clueless person caught up in all of this.

_Man, growing up is tough._

"Uh, Swanson, been talking to you here." Amy then said, taking Jesse out of his own reverie.

"Right. Yes, yes of course." Jesse then replied. "It sucks when you realize you're actually Friend A, but someone's gotta do it, right?" he then said with a smile.

"Yeah, guess you're right." Amy then commented before looking at Jesse, the now three empty packets of ice cream they had, and Aubrey and Cynthia Rose coming towards them. "You're on your own, by the way. I'm not gonna let myself be dragged in this."

"In what?" Jesse then asked before realizing Aubrey was standing right in front of him.

"You ate my ice cream!" she huffed. "Jerk! Remind me not to ask you a favor again!" she then said before kicking him in the shins.

"What's going on?" Beca asked, rushing towards the window with Chloe as Jesse tried to muster up the strength to stand up straight and not cradle his aching shin.

_Stupid Aubrey and her stupid strength!_

"Someone just got served." Cynthia Rose replied coolly before Chloe and Beca both burst out laughing.

And sure, Jesse was in pain, and sure his ego was still also as bruised as his shins were going to be that with Aubrey's feet of steel, but seeing Beca smile so care free, he figured it might be all worth it.

* * *

 

"You've been awfully quite, cap." Cynthia Rose noted as she walked home with Aubrey. It felt different new, but Aubrey most definitely needed someone to talk to about her own irrationality.

She couldn't really tell Jesse much, what would she even say? He was supposed to be the one Chloe was hanging out with all the time and it felt rather awkward to talk about the unreasonable amount of jealousy Aubrey was feeling with Chloe, and how she understands Beca and her connection to music more than she could ever do.

She couldn't talk to Chloe about it. What right does she have? Besides, Chloe was her best friend outside of the group. More than that, what would she even say?  _Hey, spend time with the guy you wanted me to introduce you to_  just sounded plain rude and rather possessive of her when it came to Beca.

To which, Aubrey knows, she doesn't have the right to have.

She couldn't talk to Amy either. She was just afraid that the Australian girl would tease her. Aubrey knows when push comes to shove, she's ever the dependable person, but at the moment when she's still trying to figure out what exactly was going on with her, she figured better not.

And Beca… how could she even talk to that idiot when all she could see was Chloe?

And all she cared about was the piano?

So she decided to take Cynthia Rose's offer, mostly venting out her concerns and anger at how the piano was becoming the center of Beca's attention yet again.

"Nothing much." she finally settled as a reply.

"Hmm, heads up cap, we've got company." Cynthia Rose then noted as she saw Amy running towards them and pulling the two in a bear hug.

"Perfect timing! This is so happening!" Amy then cheerfully proclaimed.

"Calm down Amy, what's happening?"

"Oh, we figured we could do some destressing and what better way than be delinquents for the afternoon?" Jesse then replied, appearing right behind Amy. "We were keeping things on the down low and was just hoping to catch you after practice but Amy said you two rushed out early."

"Okay, so what grand scheme are we getting into?" Cynthia Rose then asked.

"You can't possibly be condoning them!" Aubrey chastised.

"Live a little, cap." was Cynthia Rose's reply.

Aubrey was about to protest when Chloe then showed up riding with Beca on her own bike. "Oh great, you two found Aubrey and CR!"

"Yeah we did!" Amy replied with a high five.

"I can't believe I'm letting you nerds get me into more trouble." Beca then grumbled.

"Oh loosen up Shawshank and live up to your name will you?" Amy then replied.

"Sure, for as long as Aubrey doesn't break any more windows." Beca then replied with a chuckle, making Aubrey a little annoyed and surprisingly, as she found, a bit happy. With everything happening around them, she was taking comfort in the knowledge that somethings never change.

Beca soon put the pedal to the metal and led the charge as Jesse ran immediately after them with his bag filled with goods.

"Shall we?" Amy then asked.

"But you hate any form of cardio." Cynthia Rose then noted.

"I'm not letting Jesse eat all the ice cream again!" Amy then replied, leading the rest of the remaining charge, with Cynthia Rose close behind.

"Wait, where on earth are we going?" Aubrey then asked chasing after her friends.

Aubrey soon found out the answer to her question when she found her friends sneaking into school grounds and heading straight to the pool.

"How did we get access to this place again?" Aubrey asked as soon as they arrived.

"Oh, I apologized to Alice about everything and she was nice enough to offer the keys to the pool house as a sort of gift in exchange for, I don't know, maybe being a decent human being who took the time to talk things through." Jesse then explained.

"What things?" Aubrey asked rather confused.

"Me chasing girls for no reason." Jesse then said in a whisper, stepping closer to Aubrey and giving her a sort of half hug. "At least when my only reason is to realize romantic ideals."

"You're gonna be serious with Chloe then?" Aubrey then asked, telling herself that this was purely out of curiosity.

"Not exactly. But more one being more aware of other people's feelings." Jesse replied with a shrug before letting Aubrey go and she simply nodded in response. She watched Jesse run up to Amy to unload all the snacks they've been carrying. She saw Cynthia Rose, chatting up Chloe while Beca was setting up a small speaker with her iPod for a bit of music.

Mostly she sees her friends having fun despite the twitching ache in her heart that she could never stop of feeling as thoughts about the future kept filling her head.

It didn't help that as soon as they started gathering by the pool side to grab some snacks and dip their feet by the edge of the pool, Cynthia Rose asked what everyone's plans were for the future.

Jesse simply shrugged and proudly said he'd like to lead the soccer team into winning the national title that year. Amy had the same thoughts with the baseball team.

But then Chloe's turn came up and she simply shrugged, making Beca look at her curiously. "I'm not really sure. I haven't thought much of it."

"What do you mean?" Cynthia Rose then asked.

"I don't know, I'd just rather live in the now." Chloe replied, trying to shake the question off, Aubrey could tell there was something about the topic that made her feel uncomfortable but instead of saying anything about it, she found herself rather distracted by the look of gloom and doom in Beca's eyes as she can't help but look at Chloe with uncertainty and heart break.

"Mitchell, would you quit drooling." Aubrey commented, giving Beca a light shove as they both walked towards their own spot by the pool. However, Beca had been too distracted by her thoughts and fell into the pool.

"Geez, Posen. Do you always have to push Beca into bodies of water?" Jesse then commented with a chuckle.

"She's done this before?" Cynthia Rose then asked amused.

"Once when we were little." Jesse quickly responded before Amy cleared her throat to catch everyone's attention.

"Uh, guys… Shawshank isn't resurfacing up yet… how deep's the pool Jesse?"

"I think it's pretty deep?" Jesse replied with great uncertainty and Aubrey was starting to feel the panic swell up inside of her.

"Get out of there Mitch-" she started yelling, thinking Beca was giving them a scare on purpose to teach her a lesson but before she could finish the sentence she saw Chloe push herself off the side of the pool she was already sitting on and dive down.

Aubrey sat in silence as she watched Chloe pull Beca up again and swim towards the edge, check if she was okay as Beca coughed out water with a look of shock and confusion and a whole lot more of mixed emotions that Aubrey couldn't understand.

She watched helpless as Chloe took the lead, the initiative to fix her mistake.

She watched as Chloe pull her out of the dark depths yet again and save her.

Chloe looked exhausted next to Beca as she finally realized what had happened.

"Maybe heading to the pool wasn't the smartest of ideas after all." Amy said, breaking the silence that settled down on them before Jesse and Amy rushed to check that Beca was okay.

All while Aubrey stood there shaken.

"It's okay cap. She's okay." Cynthia Rose said, consoling Aubrey.

But while Beca might be okay, Aubrey knew she wasn't.

She was struggling to keep her hold on the past and have things still be the same.

And all the she ends up doing is make things worse.

Maybe it was time to grow and embrace the changes that come with it.

* * *

 

"Are you sure you're okay?" Chloe asked Beca yet again as the two walked side by side towards where Chloe lived. Beca was rolling her bike in between them, her thoughts still on what had possessed her after hearing Chloe's response to Cynthia Rose's question.

To say she didn't have a mini panic attack as she fell down into the rabbit hole of wondering why Chloe would give the answer she gave would be a lie because she most definitely did. And it didn't help that images of the time Chloe was hospitalized started to appear in her head interspersed with images of her mom in the hospital.

Memories she would rather forget.

Memories that won't stop resurfacing ever since Chloe pushed her to play the piano again.

Maybe that's why it had been so easy to let go for a moment when she felt herself submerge into the water, slowly sinking towards the bottom of the pool.

Down there Beca couldn't hear anything again.

Down there she could feel a sense of quiet.

She felt nothing but the cold of the water that started to weigh her down. She saw nothing but the faint light coming from the surface above.

She didn't feel the pain in her heart, she didn't feel the ache of missing her mother, of regretting how she never got to properly say goodbye.

She didn't feel the guilt, she didn't feel all the emotions she did right then.

Reminiscing the good in the past, reliving the suffering of her past.

Funny how she used to dread it, the silence, the quiet, and then it became was something she didn't realize she thought she needed, especially with the thoughts she was having.

But then she say the image of Chloe, diving down towards her with her outstretched hands to pull her back to the surface. That was when things first clicked in her head.

She was using the silence as a safe haven, as an excuse.

She was using it as a reason to give up.

It was her escape.

But it was an escape that had been tearing her apart without knowing it.

She felt bad about it after. Chloe looked exhausted, Jesse and Amy looked scared, and even Aubrey started crying a little when she finally got out of the shock of seeing Beca possibly nearly drown.

It took a while before Beca started moving, unpacking the extra set of clothes she brought and changed. As soon as Chloe got dried of changed as well, they all decided that perhaps going home wasn't such a bad idea then.

"Earth to Friend A?" Chloe then said. "Are you sure you're okay?" she repeated her question.

"Yeah." Beca replied, snapping out of her reverie. "Here," she then said, getting on her bike, "this would be faster. Besides it's the least I could do after you saved my life." she then added, offering to take Chloe home with her bicycle.

Chloe accepted and for a while Beca reveled at the thought that Chloe's arms were around her and that she jumped into the pool to save her.

Her thoughts took her back to what Luke had said, making her feel a little bit of hope.

"Slow down a little and look up Beca, look!" Chloe then said softly. "The stars are shining for us tonight!"

Beca did as she was told, looked up, and smiled.

_Funny how it never seemed to dark anymore now that you're here…_

Beca stopped for a minute and admired the stars before looking at the time and deciding to pick up the pace and get Chloe home. Chloe, for her part, gave out a light chuckle before humming Mozart's version of  _Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star_ before full on singing it.

And she wouldn't dare admit it out loud but Beca couldn't help but love the melodies of Chloe's own voice as she sang. She laughed a little before joining her in song.

_How, how do you make me feel this free?_ she thought to herself as the two rode on towards Chloe's home.

_Why do you keep helping me shine?_

_In my own desolation, in my sad existence…_

… _why do you keep stirring me awake?_

"Take the next right Mitchell." Chloe then said and Beca obeyed, curious to where they were heading before Chloe asked her to stop.

Beca nearly skidded to a halt. "Wait, I thought your house is the next street over?" Beca asked entirely confused as Chloe got down of the bike.

"Yeah, but my parents always work late." Chloe then replied before stepping inside the bakery store in front of here. "Are you coming?" she then asked and Beca quickly got off her bike and parked it to the side of the store.

Stepping inside, everything started to make sense. Chloe's penchant for sweets and her natural warmth – that is, when she wasn't drilling Beca into practicing. The piano on the side of the store also made so much sense, and the old recorder to the other side.

The two employees was quickly made known to Beca to be the two owners when Chloe introduced them to be her parents.

"Ah you must be Beca Mitchell!" Chloe's dad chirruped. "Honey, it's  _the_  Beca Mitchell! Can you believe it? She's here at our store!"

"Oh my gosh, you're right my dear! Shall I bring them some of today's bestsellers?" her mom then said. "Chloe, you should have told us you were with Beca!"

"I did tell you I was practicing with her." Chloe then said with a smile and a shrug.

"Uh, what on earth is happening?" Beca asked as she found herself being ushered into a seat, served hot chocolate and plates upon plates of pastries, and entertained by Chloe's parents. She saw Chloe's dad flip the sign by the store front to 'Closed' and her mom started bringing out albums of baby pictures of Chloe.

"They're fans of yours." Chloe then said before looking mortified at the sight of the albums. "And mom, do you really need to bring all those out?!"

"Of course honey, we needed to show Beca our thanks for how much impact she's had on you!" her mother replied, leaving Beca all the more confused.

"Yes, it's thank to you Beca. All of this. Our Chloe's happiness and her love for music. Watching you play for the first time motivated our daughter to excel in the violin." her dad then said before pointing out a picture of Chloe's first violin practice.

Beca chuckled a little, finding the whole unexpected and odd situation she found herself in rather amusing. "Didn't realize I meant so much to you, Chloe?" she teased.

"Oh God, I'm so embarrassed. Cut it out you guys!" Chloe then said, burying her face in her hands, her face redder than her hair in that moment. Beca had to admit, she couldn't help but find Chloe incredibly adorable in that moment…

… _and damn you Jesse for making me never forget how cute Chloe is…_

The whole evening was spent with sharing stories and learning more about Chloe's fondness of music. Beca couldn't help the smile forming on her lips as she listened to the contests, the recitals, and the many violin teachers that couldn't restrict Chloe's freedom in her playing, something that made her all the more beautiful if anyone asked Beca.

She couldn't help but think at how happy she felt in that moment, and how she hasn't felt that way in a very long time at all.

She even had a box of left over pastries to take home.

Even the darkness of the house, the loneliness of its empty rooms, they couldn't damper Beca's mood.

No, not even nearly drowning earlier that night.

Beca found herself at the music room, standing in front of the piano, her fingers grazing the keys with fondness. The thought of Chloe's parents and how proud they were of their daughter still lingering in her mind.

She couldn't help but think back to the time when her own mother felt the same way. When she would watch in amazement as Beca learned new pieces rather quickly, grasped the right tempo, understood the technicalities involved with playing each piece, and playing over something she had recently heard perfectly down to the very last note.

It's what made her love the piano in the first place.

That it was the link she had shared with her as she listened to the many pieces that her mother played when she was younger, falling asleep and waking up to the sounds of the music it produced.

Beca took a deep breath as she sat herself down.

_Could you really do it, Mitchell?_ Beca asked herself.  _Can you really play it perfectly, down to every last note?_

_Can you play that piece and do it justice?_

_The one she always played for you?_

Beca took another deep breath and calmed herself.

The recital was right around the corner and she wasn't sure what any of the answers were.

All she knew was that she'd somehow find a way to make it through as long as she had Chloe by her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter would be a bit emotional, I believe, then we get a bit of a lull with push and pull of angst and bittersweet heartbreak.
> 
> I've been re-watching the series too and there is a rather unexpected heaviness in one of the later chapters because of a thought that occurs with Chloe's anime counter-part (Kaori). If you watched the show, you might remember what I'm talking about. I'll put a warning in my beginning notes so you'll know when it is and skip over if it gets too much. That said, I'll try to upload the following chapter after that one since I plan to resolve it rather quick and I do plan on switching up the order of things a little from how they originally occurred because of how I think it would fit better in the fic. Bottom line, there might be moments that things get to hard and heavy in the next half of this fic but I promise to give you ample warning ahead of each update so you'll know.
> 
> UPNEXT: Last minute decisions and impromptu performance shake ups; Beca's confrontation with her past part 2; and a rather moving performance


	11. Love's Sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca takes the stage on her own with Chloe MIA; Both Luke and Beca deal with thoughts of the past as Beca tackles on 'Love's Sorrow', her mother's favorite piece

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm kind of on a roll here (so, yay?)… Here is chapter 11 featuring sneaky Stacie and Lilly, a fun but strange way to include John and Gail, short POV's for a few of our lovely characters, Beca's dilemma, and Kreisler's Love's Sorrow.
> 
> Thanks for sticking through this fic you guys, and for all the comments and the support. I appreciate them all.

Amy never really did imagine that recitals would ever seem to be exciting. She wasn't one for listening to classical music but she had to admit that after listening to both Chloe and Beca play, they might make a believer out of her.

Both in listening and appreciating classical music and coming to more recitals.

The air was buzzing with excitement as the crowd started filing into the lobby of the auditorium. The doors would open soon, both Luke – with his daughter Avril – and Beca heading on ahead to the backstage. Chloe was still nowhere in sight, they all figured she's running a bit late as always.

Amy looked around, surprised to see Lilly sneaking in, wearing an oversized black coat and hat. She saw her running into someone called "Gail!" if the usually quiet girl's painful shriek of surprise was anything to go by. Amy assumed she was her mentor, like how Luke was to Beca. As they filed into the auditorium, she also noticed the other girl, Stacie, the one who was too worked up about Beca's performance during the last contest.

Amy couldn't help but smile to herself, the thought of Beca's self-proclaimed rivals appearing just because they caught word she would be playing with Chloe was rather impressive.

How such a special and precious gift came in such an adorable – usually grumpy – packaging would always be a mystery to her.

One thing was for sure, she was most definitely excited to see Beca play with Chloe again.

_Let the magic begin!_

* * *

Luke was starting to get dizzy as he watched Beca pace back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and on and on backstage. The show had started and yet Chloe was nowhere to be found.

They were slated to be the first performance after the intermission, but at the rate things were going, it looked like Chloe might still not be there then.

"Where on earth is she?!" Beca went on with her ongoing ramblings. She hasn't stopped, not for one minute, her nerves getting the best of her.

"If you're too worried about time, I'm sure we could talk to the other performers and switch you as close to the last performance as possible. That should give Chloe enough time to get here, right?'

"I hope so." Beca replied with a huff, stopping on her tracks, still visibly upset. "Should we split up then and find the others to talk to?"

Luke replied with a firm nod and soon found Beca dashing about.

On Luke's end, it didn't take much convincing with the other performers to switch their slated time with most of them admiring Chloe and even Beca.

Beca found the same response with the set of people she talked to. They only hit a snag in their plan when they talked to the winner of the violin competition that Chloe competed in, some girl named Denise.

"I won the contest, it's my spot to shine. I worked hard for that." Denise had argued although Luke felt like with enough convincing she would have caved too.

But Beca decided not to press her on it. "She has a point Luke." she said with a heavy sigh before resuming her earlier complaints and ramblings on how Chloe had been so hard on her and now she was already late and wasn't even there yet.

"Beca." Luke then said, trying to catch her attention but she didn't stop, didn't even bother to respond. "Mitchell. Beca, hey." he called out again, stopping Beca in her tracks as the performances went on and time kept running shorter.

"What are you going to do if Chloe doesn't show?"

Beca grumbled in response.

"Do you want me to talk to the organizers and pull you guys out?" Luke then asked with Beca looking rather frustrated and contemplative at the same time. Luke took a deep breath, letting her go. It seemed it would be his decision to make.

But just as he turned around, ready to leave and talk to the organizers, he felt Beca grab his arm and turn him around.

"No." Beca replied.

"No?" Luke asked, confused.

"If she doesn't show… if Chloe doesn't make it on time… then I play. On my own." Beca replied with such intense determination that Luke couldn't even argue with her decision.

And for a split second Luke couldn't help but admire the courage Beca was putting on.

But just for a split second.

Because it didn't take long before Beca started ranting about how Chloe had just abandoned her and this was her way of making her feel bad for leaving her hanging like this.

Luke wasn't sure if that was the best decision to make, but he let it be for now.

He was sure Beca wasn't going to back down from that decision no matter what he said or did anyways.

* * *

"Huh, I don't get it? What's happening?" Jesse asked, taking the words right out of Aubrey's mouth.

"I'm not sure, but they've definitely skipped Beca and Chloe now. That's the third performer that's supposed to go after them." she replied, worry starting build inside her.

"How many more performers before the last one? Do you think Chloe's still not here?" Cynthia Rose then asked.

"I'm not sure, but it sure seems to be that." Amy had replied. "Oh, and about two more."

Aubrey took a deep breath and stood up. "I'll be back before the last performance. Let me try to reach Chloe."

"You gonna call her?" Jesse asked, standing up and following her out of their seats in the audience much to the complaints of the people who sat near them.

"Yeah, you?" Aubrey then replied.

"Might take a quick walk for some air, and check if Chloe's anywhere outside or on her way or something. Let me know if you reach her and if I can help. I'm starting to get bored with the other performances."

"To be honest, I'm surprised you're not dozing off just yet." Aubrey then said before they parted ways. Jesse simply shrugged and headed on out.

Aubrey stayed just a few steps away from the auditorium doors in the lobby. She felt for her phone and tried calling Chloe for a few times.

But nothing.

It all went straight to her voicemail, always meeting her with silence after the beep as Aubrey left a few messages checking in on Chloe.

After a few more tries of the same thing, of just silence, Aubrey decided to give up and look for Jesse.

She didn't like it, not what bit.

But perhaps it was because of what silence had meant to Beca before that she was worrying so much about it.

Regardless, Aubrey was sure that she didn't like it one bit.

* * *

Of all the things that could have happened that day, Chloe not showing up was most definitely not one of them.

Beca was called to head on over to the waiting room, but still no sign of Chloe. She wasn't sur if she should still do this, truth be told, but a part of her knew she had to.

Because Chloe won't let her quit, nope, especially if she was standing there by her side then.

_You're impetuous and rash. You're unpredictable and you keep me on your toes. You keep making the wrong first impressions, with that never ending energy you display._

Beca knew, she had no escape.

_You push and pull me in different directions. You force me to make decisions I won't make for myself._

She was Chloe's accompanist. But that afternoon she had to play for the both of them.

_You've broken through my silence, a spring rain in the midst of a long winter. You were the first flower blooming, the sign of change._

And she would have packed up and ran on home at the first sign of doubt that Chloe would ever show. But she can't do that now.

She could already here Chloe's lecture in her head about the two of them being musicians.

_So where are you now?_

And that meant she can't run away form a performance, from making music.

_So why aren't you here?_

Beca took a deep breath and steadied herself despite being painfully aware that her hands had been shaking for the last couple minutes because of the nerves that were hitting her. If it hadn't been for the applause coming from the crowd after the last performance on stage bringing her back to focus, she would have just stood there, contemplating all day.

She kept focusing on her breath as she took each step towards the center of the stage, took a bow as she acknowledge the crowd, and headed on over to the piano seat. She could hear the confused chatter of the crowd on why it was only her on stage when the invited musician for the  _violin_ recital had been Chloe and she was, technically speaking, just the plus one.

_This is all your fault you know… making me stupid reckless and brave now… even when I'm not even sure I can do this, even when I'm most likely just going to be making a fool of myself._

Beca steadies herself, keeping her eyes on the music sheet before her, trying to fight the self-doubt that was slowly creeping in. She turned to gaze at that empty corner at the back of the auditorium where her mother had once been, the same spot where she would imagine her mother's ghost would be.

She took another deep breath and closed her eyes, fighting that threatening feeling of waves crashing down upon her, knocking every breath out her lungs and crushing her below. She remembers that evening she fell into the pool, the image of Chloe diving down to reach her, and…

…and she could hear the music of Kriesler's  _Love's Sorrow_ entrancing her. Beckoning her.

_You always move me… so look at me, hear me..._

Beca took one last breath, and with that her fingers hit the keys.

_I'm going to prove I'm incredible, that I deserve to be your accompanist with or without you._

* * *

"Are you still going to wear that ridiculous disguise?" Gail, Lilly's mentor, asked her as she shifted a bit in her seat, awaiting for Beca's performance.

But Lilly stayed silent.

"I still don't think why you thought I wouldn't know you'd be coming here. You were so surprised to see me when it was  _I_ who told you Beca Mitchell would be playing with the redheaded violist, Chloe."

Still Lilly stayed silent with that remark, her thoughts on what on earth was Beca doing on stage alone.

Something was wrong Lilly could tell, but she couldn't quite put a finger on it.

The music started, Beca playing with such passion she was practically slamming the keys with her frustration.

"Ah, what pity. Mistaking anger for passion. She's matching the right tempo, but it's too filled with frustration its sounding rough. Painful." Gail commented.

And it went on like that for the first minute or two.

But then Beca changed, relaxed. And the notes were slowly filled with such gentle sorrow that it started to stir something inside of Lilly.

Gail was about to say something again, and Lilly shot her a look to shut her up.

She doesn't want to be disturbed.

_I want to know what's going on with you Beca Mitchell._

_So go on, keep filling this dusty room with your emotions._

_Let your sorrow ring through us._

* * *

It didn't take Beca long, although she did feel bad about the wasted first few minutes of the piece where she simply put all her frustrations in her playing.

_Drat, I feel tired. This isn't how it's supposed to be._  Beca thought to herself.

But what else could she do. The music had started to disappear as soon as she played, and the anger of how stuck she had been in that silence that had enveloped her had taken over her completely.

Desolation was all that she had left, and that bitterness of simply accepting her fate.

But as she realized she'd been practically slamming the keys, Beca started to remember words her mother once said.

" _You have to hit the keys gently, dear."_ she used to say.

_Right, so how does it go again… how does_ she  _play it…_  Beca thought to herself before she found herself relaxing, hearing the piece in her head, from memory, for the first time in a long time as she thought of how her mother would play the same piece when she was little.

_How could I forget?_

Beca started to relax more, hitting the keys gently and playing the way she had that first time her mother asked her to play it, a curious experiment or so she claimed.

It was back to a time when she hadn't learned much about the piano before. Her mother had taught her a simple piece weeks ago to play for Aubrey who had been feeling down, that was it.

But then all of a sudden, she asked her to play the piece for her.

The same piece her mother would play to put her to sleep at night, the same piece she would find her mother playing in the morning when she would crawl out of her bed and into the music room where her mother would already be. She would follow the music, and curl up underneath the piano to sleep again.

And when she wakes up, her mother would be ready to greet her with open arms.

_Stupid Mitchell… how could you forget?_

_This piece was your own lullaby…_

* * *

Luke had been a bundle of nerves backstage. He was starting to regret letting Beca step up on stage form the way she started to play, but then… then…

The change in the way Beca played broke through his own reverie of regrets.

_It was exactly the same way…_ he thought to himself,  _the exact same way_ she  _had played before._

Tears started trailing down his cheeks on his own as he listened to Beca's performance, his mind taking him back to past days when he'd find himself in the Mitchell's household, practicing and playing the piano, putting his own frustrations into his playing when he was upset.

It had been a particularly bad morning for him back then, Luke pounding away at the keys while his mentor left Beca in his care to go and prepare breakfast for the two of them. He came way too early for his practice that day, but he needed to vent out his own anger from his roommates who broke one of his prized collectibles.

Luke started playing some random song on the piano he all but made up, Beca sitting on his side, the little girl finding his annoyance amusing. When Luke stopped to ask Beca what was so amusing, she simply laughed.

And then…

And then she started playing and singing the same song Luke had been playing earlier… just like that…

That's when Luke got the brilliant idea of begging Beca's mom to teach her too.

"Come on Mrs. Mitchell! You're daughter's a musical genius, it would be a crime not to teach her!"

"I don't know Luke…"

"Please! Come on, I'll prove it to you!" Luke then said, convincing Beca's mom to play the piece she had been playing that morning when he arrived once more and letting Beca listen to it. She caved in and did just that before asking Beca to repeat Kriesler's piece. The Luke of surprise and astonishment as she did just that was enough to pretty much seal Beca's fate as a pianist.

Luke couldn't stop the tears that were coming in full force now. All this really was his fault.

And now Beca was playing her mother's favorite piece in a way he undoubtedly knew would make her proud.

Filled with love, unspoken regrets, mournful sorrow, forgiveness and apologies.

_I hope you're there watching Mrs. Mitchell_ , Luke then thought,  _because this is her farewell_.

* * *

Denise stood backstage, a complete bundle of nerves. She was starting to regret her decision of not letting Beca play last now.

_How… how could I even play after this? I… I won't even be able to compete…_ she thought to herself as tears started to fill her eyes, Beca's music so moving that she simply couldn't help it.

Denise couldn't help but admire it even.

But, now, well, she knew that no matter what, no matter how talented she was or what performance she gives, she can't top Beca's solo as she plays without her self-proclaimed rival in their circle of young violinists that was Chloe Beale.

Denise takes a deep breath. Chloe might be her rival, but she looked up to Chloe too, especially with her ability to play so freely.

And now he rival had given her a new idol in the form of a pianist she wanted to play with someday.

_No, no one can possible follow that exquisite piece._  Denise though, but her mind went on with how Beca was playing with as much emotion that she couldn't help but think of her own mom too.  _But that doesn't mean I can't try._

_So I promise, I'll give all my heart too._

* * *

"What…" Stacie found herself saying as she heard music so moving, it was giving her goosebumps.

"Quite impressive for a supposedly broken robot." John, Stacie's mentor then said. "Who knew a girl like Mitchell could ever play this piece with such passion."

"I'm a girl." Stacie then said, reminding her sometimes annoying full on arrogant mentor of that fact.

"Yes, but you're taught by me. I do suppose now that she's found a proper mentor it helps, although that Luke boy's been taught by a woman too."

"Ugh, just shut up will you?" Stacie then complained, not knowing exactly how to feel.

_Journey my ass… what journey are you taking Beca Mitchell?_

_And why is it that you keep evolving like this?_

Stacie slunk back in her seat and let the music overwhelm her.

_Will I… Will I ever be able to even play like this?_

* * *

Beca kept playing, a lightness filling her.

_I hope you can hear me…_ she thought.  _I hope it reaches you._

She never felt this emotional before with playing. But it was like a dam broke and all the things she couldn't say, she wished she had said, were pouring out in the notes she played.

She was never exactly good with words, and there were so many things she wished she could still say to her… to her mom.

But time had passed already.

_Goodbye mom._

It was never perfect. Their time had been rough since the day Beca dreamt of becoming a pianist, since she started playing with that hopeful naiveté that if she kept winning, she could make her mom feel better.

They both made mistakes, they both could have done things differently. She should have spoken up more… her mom could have been less harsh…

But that was the past now.

And Beca was starting to understand that sometimes good people do bad things, make mistakes, just because of the irrationality and the fear of losing someone does to you… of leaving someone behind too…

And no matter what terrible times had fallen upon them, Beca does know her mother loved her.

She'll keep the good times forever alive in her memory forever.

_I know, you'll always be inside of me._

Beca closed her eyes as her fingers moved on their own accord over the keys. She remembered the first time her mom started teaching her the full piece of Kreisler's  _Love's Sorrow_. It was her first lesson then, her mom had already started to get sick but she was still standing strong. Beca was going over the piece as her mother sat right next to her, smiling proudly as she kept playing.

" _Right, the piano is meant to be played like the feeling of being expressed."_ she said as Beca started getting the hang of it.

Beca smiled, looking at the two sheets of music before her, two accompanying pieces, before turning to her mom with the question forming in her mind. " _Why do you always play_ Love's Sorrow _instead of_ Love's Joy _?"_

Her mother had looked thoughtful for a moment before leaning over to give Beca a kiss on her head. " _I play it so you'll get used to sorrow, sweetheart. Joy is always welcome in our hearts, but sorrow… sometimes it's hard to deal with it, especially on days when it's all that keeps us company._ " Had been her response with tears in her eyes.

Beca didn't understand it back then but she was starting to understand it now.

When she had finished playing, Beca wasn't quite sure what to do. Truth be told, a part of her didn't even realize it was over until it was. As she stood up, people started to clap, the audience completely confused as well.

But mostly because they sure as hell didn't realize it was over either.

Beca was lost in her own thoughts as she walked back stage, the only reason she snapped back to the present was because she felt Luke's daughter give her a headbutt in the gut as she ran up towards her crying. When Beca looked up, she saw that Luke had been crying as well, standing behind Avril, a light smile on his face.

"See what you did, you made my Avril cry." Luke started to say before clearing his throat a little. Good job kiddo. Your mom would be proud."

Beca smiled a little, fighting back the tears threatening to fall. She felt Avril clutch onto her knees. "Would it be okay…?" Luke then asked, lifting his arms a bit as if to show Beca he was going in for a hug and Beca nodded.

Normally she would have said no.

But right then words seemed to have been failing her and she felt like she needed to cling onto something, or someone.

Luke pulled her into a hug and Beca let herself bury her face on his chest as she cried her heart out with tears she kept buried deep inside her for years. The very same tears that had been drowning her.

Tears that were now free along with the emotions she never allowed herself to feel.

And Beca smiles for a moment, letting herself be held in Luke's arms for comfort, knowing full well that with music, she'll always be connected with her mom. "Do you think… do you think it reached her?" she asked in between sobs as she pushed herself away and started to wipe her tears away with her hands.

"You really are an idiot." Luke said with a smile. "Of course it did."

Beca smiled, feeling like a weight had been lifted from her before almost collapsing backstage.

She took her time dressing back to her usual threads remembering her argument with Chloe about what to wear for that day. Chloe insisted she wear dress but Beca wasn't really feeling it so she wore a button down shirt instead with matching pants and blazer. Something that she made sure would still go well with Chloe's outfit, because the redhead most definitely insisted.

She had almost forgotten about Chloe's absence, completely being overwhelmed by the performance she had just given.

"Hey, did you ever hear from Chloe?" she found herself asking Luke as they made their way out of the backstage are and into the lobby. She was still upset with her suddenly leaving her on her own to perform.

Although, Beca supposed, she actually needed that. A part of her was most definitely suspecting Chloe of doing this on purpose.

"Beca…" she then heard Aubrey say as they reached the lobby, her friends already waiting for her outside with Aubrey clutching on her phone tightly.

And somehow Beca knew she already had an answer to her questions regarding Chloe.

All she needed to do was look at the expression on Aubrey's face to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, we're on the second half! We have a snow day today so I figured I could do an update before doing a bit of work from home. Let's see how well I can keep up with the constant update. If we have another snow day, I'll probs update tomorrow again.
> 
> UPNEXT: Beca and the gang finds out what happened to Chloe who is MIA; Luke has a talk with Gail (?! Aka why I decided to name the mentors as a character) about his own thoughts; and well, the next chapter's mostly Chloe and Beca to be honest…


	12. Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca finds Chloe at the hospital; Luke is worried by a thought about what pushes Beca to grow as a musician

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter mostly focuses on Beca, Chloe, and a bit of Luke's own thoughts. Sorry if it's a bit short, the next one would be too before we pick up with a length chapter 14. For now, here is chapter 12 with the start of my lull from the heavy angst.
> 
> I don't own pitch perfect.

Beca stood outside the hospital room in confusion and anger, in a mix of emotions she really couldn't make sense of. It felt like some part of her was still on the stage, trying to make sense of her confusing performance, one that started rocky with the jarring sharp sounds of the keys she hit with anger, frustration, and a sense of betrayal with Chloe not showing up. On the other side, a part her was still trying to catch up to everything that happened after.

Every step she took closer to where Chloe was felt like an eternity. Two warring sides of her trying to split her in half. She wanted to see Chloe, she wanted to make sure she was okay, make sense of what had happened and why she ended up in the hospital. But she also dreaded stepping foot inside the premises again. The scent of antiseptic filling her senses with the only sound she could hear coming from the infernal beeping sounds coming from machines from different rooms, all needed by their occupants.

_Not you. Please, not you._

Her friends had gone on ahead into Chloe's room to say hello, all cheerful and hopeful, leaving Beca behind outside. A part of her just couldn't dare step inside.

This was, after all, the second time in a short while that Chloe found herself in the hospital, and Beca simply couldn't bare it. The images of her mother interspersed with the memory of Chloe the last time she had to visit her when she collapsed after their performance.

_Not you. Please, not you._

She stood there waiting for half an hour with Luke and Avril. At some point, Luke went to leave her to grab some snacks and brought back with coffee for Beca to drink. "You're looking a little bit pale." Luke said and Beca simple nodded in response as she accepted the drink.

She stood there in silence with Luke as she did her best to fight the worse of the worst of her thoughts, grappling with her reality now against her reality before. Beca was thankful for Luke respecting her need for it, just being there for her without saying much.

She eventually snapped out of it when Chloe's door slid open from the inside, Amy stepping out of the room as Beca could hear Chloe's speaking with Aubrey and Jesse, lively as ever.

"You really should go see her, Shawshank." Amy then said, making her way to stand next to Beca.

"How is she?" Beca found herself asking.

"She seems fine. Apparently she slid and fell down. Hope you're not too queasy 'cause she hit her head and there's still bit of blood on the bandages. That's why they rushed her to the hospital. She's gonna be in here for a while for observations and such, make sure there's nothing too serious." Amy replied.

Beca simply nodded in response, not knowing what to say exactly. What Amy told her made sense, she shouldn't go worrying herself too much. Chloe should be fine. She'll be fine.

"If you're worried about there being too many people inside, don't worry. The three of us would be leaving soon, Jesse thought it would be better that way." Amy added.

"We can wait out here if you like or we can go on ahead." Luke then said. "Just keep us posted on Chloe when you swing by for your lessons tomorrow."

Beca once again nodded. "Thanks Luke."

"For what?" Luke simply replied with a smile. Beca wasn't entirely sure either, she was just really thankful he was around. It didn't feel like she was alone at the moment and that was pretty much it.

She didn't get the chance to give a proper reply, however, as Aubrey and Jesse stepped out of Chloe's room.

"You better go in there now, Beca, you're already in a lot of trouble. Wouldn't want you to be in anymore now do we?" Jesse then said and Beca nodded once more.

She never really was good with words and at the moment she was just trying to make sure she was composed enough to see Chloe.

Hospital scenes weren't exactly her forte.

Becs silently stepped inside of Chloe's room after saying goodbye to her friends. She did her best to fight the flashes of past images of her mother form popping up in her head and focused instead on the balloons, and flowers, and stuffed toys all around the room. She kept her focus on Chloe, sitting on her bed, her skin looking so pale. Amy wasn't lying about the bloodstained bandages around her head either.

Chloe barely even noticed her come in, her eyes fixed on the screen of her phone. From the sounds coming from it, Beca didn't have to guess twice that she's watching a recording of her performance, probably Jesse or Aubrey's doing.

Beca stood there as silently as she could, occupying as little space as she could of the room too, not wanting to disturb Chloe. She stayed that way until finally Chloe looked up at her and smiled lightly.

And all Beca could see were the nightmares brought upon the ghosts of her pasts.

Until Chloe threw a pillow to her face, making her remember that this moment wasn't her past.

At least not yet.

* * *

"I can't believe you still went on stage to play without me." Chloe said as Beca picked up the pillow she threw at her, looking slightly annoyed.

"Yeah, well, I figured I can make you feel bad for not showing up that way." Beca replied with a huff. "I didn't know you were rushed to the hospital." she added, her voice softening up a bit.

Chloe smiled a sadly. Watching Beca perform on stage without her made her incredibly jealous of the moment that had gone by, on what she had just missed out. "You were still playing rough at the beginning, so I'm not feeling too bad I missed that." she then said, hoping to hide the sadness she had felt. "But you change here, what happened?" Chloe then noted as she got to the part where Beca's playing had softened. "What was in your head?"

Beca took a deep breath and walked over to Chloe's bed, setting down the pillow she picked up to Chloe's side before settling down the seat next to her. She looked like she was weighing on what to say. Beca's been irrationally annoyed of the piece since Chloe picked it but she never really gave her any explanations as to why. She thought she wasn't going to get any explanations ever.

However, Beca decided at that moment to give her answers. "My mom used to put me to sleep playing  _Love's Sorrow_. Sometimes I'd wake up to her playing it as well."

"Is that why you hated the piece?"

"I didn't hate it." Beca replied truthfully. "I just didn't know how to feel about it I guess. It meant a lot to me and my mom and I just didn't know how to deal with it all. It was the first piece she asked me to play when she decided to teach me."

Chloe nodded, not really expecting Beca to have opened up like that.

But she took comfort in knowing that she was slowly embracing her past and who she was.

That she was slowly opening up.

"The notes disappeared again but I remembered how my mom used to play it so that's what I did." Beca went on.

"Oh, here I thought you were thinking of me, Friend A." Chloe then teased.

"Nah, I stopped doing that." Beca replied. "I did at first. That's why the first half was so bad in the first place." she deadpanned before Chloe smacked her in the face with the pillow on her side.

But Beca didn't complain.

Instead she almost grabbed Chloe's hand, but hesitated in the last second. Beca looked away, mumbling as she spoke. "But seriously, how are you Chlo?"

Chloe smiled sadly, remembering the night before. She was so excited to play with Beca a second time, a skip in her step as she went over the score on her way to her bedroom.

But…

She hates it. She hated the way things were.

She hated that she collapsed again.

She hated that she hit her head badly because of it.

She hated that she didn't get to play with Beca on that stage for a second time, like it was an ever elusive dream she might never get to have again.

There were so many ways to answer Beca's questions then but she settled for the one that she knew Beca needed to hear.

"I was just too tired, that was all. That's why I fell and hit my head pretty bad." Chloe replied. "I'd says sorry for making you worry but we both know that it's mostly because you made me work so hard to get you ready." she teased but almost immediately backtracked when she saw Beca look at her with a pained expression on her face.

She was sure Beca might actually cry.

"I was kidding." Chloe then said in a soothing voice, taking the initiative herself and reaching for Beca's hand to hold. "I'm fine Beca. I just overdid it a bit without taking care of myself."

"Chloe…" Beca then said, starting to argue her point.

"I'm fine. A bit tired is all." Chloe replied. "But you can make it up to me by dropping by again. Tomorrow, with canalés?"

"Canalés?" Beca then asked, incredibly confused. "I guess I can ask your parents…"

"No, we don't sell those. My dad's still trying to get the hang of making the perfect ones. But they sell them in that café we went to once."

"Alright. Fine. Canalés then. Tomorrow afternoon." Beca adamantly replied making Chloe smile.

She left soon after, looking like she had a personal mission to accomplish. Chloe went ahead and re-watched the video of Beca's performance that Jesse thought of recording for her and smiles sadly at herself, still lamenting the missed chance.

Oh, how she would have wanted to be on that stage playing her heart out with Beca.

And as she listened, she wondered how something as  _Love's Sorrow_  was filled with such love and affection and beauty and color.

* * *

"You should have said something that your mentoring her again, you never stepped foot anywhere near the Mitchell house after her mother's death." Gail had said, taking a sip of her tea. Luke had gone out to meet her after receiving an invitation sometime after Beca's performance.

And what else could he do but accept. She was a friend of his own mentor, a classmate back then in music school. Luke had met Gail a few times before, and she undoubtedly had an interest in Beca's own growth as a pianist. Mostly because of how it pushed her own prodigy of a student, Lilly, but also because of Beca herself.

Luke always respected her at the very least. She was eccentric on most days, and incredibly talkative, but her heart was ultimately at the right place.

Besides, he was swimming in uncharted water here. He never mentored anyone before. He needed advice.

And he needed someone he could trust to talk to with his own concerns regarding Beca.

"There's an ever hanging sorrow in Beca's music. I don't know if you noticed that." Gail then pointed out.

Luke simply nodded. "I'm not entirely sure if that's ever really necessary as a musician, but yes, I've noticed."

"It's gonna be a hard path ahead for her, I hope you know. If the death of her mother triggered something in her before that made her give it all up together, then it's a demon's path that she's going to have to take." Gail then noted. "You have to be ready to guide her through this."

"You really have a vested interest in her, don't you?" Luke then asked.

"I have a vested interest in all talent like hers." Gail then replied.

"I know." Luke then replied.

"You look worried."

"I'm just concerned." Luke then replied. "Her growth as a musician is spurred by sorrow. If Beca walks this path, she might need to lose someone to move forward."

"It never really is easy." Gail then replied. "That's why you have to be the one to remind her of what music means to her when she loses faith."

"I know." Luke then replied deep at thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might actually be one of the most heart-wrenching and depressing fics I've ever written. But I do love the story of the anime and it will always stay with me. That said, I tried to capture that feeling of anxiety, pain, and sadness with Beca as much as I can in this chapter because she knows that something's up but she wants to be wrong. That's why it's hard for her to go see Chloe or say something at all. She's got too many emotions running through her that overwhelms her.
> 
> That said, the lull lasts until chapter 15, and then chapter 16 will be long with a warning regarding something that Chloe mentions just as a heads up.
> 
> Shameless plug: For those of you also reading my other still ongoing Bechloe fic – A Twist in the Story – I'll pick up on that after I finish this one. If you guys don't read that… well, this is awkward… but maybe give the story a try?
> 
> UPNEXT: Beca and Jesse have a talk; Aubrey tries to be resilient; and we finally meet Emily in this fic!


	13. The Footsteps I Follow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca and Jesse have a talk about Chloe; Aubrey still tries not to deal with what she's feeling despite it being harder with each passing day; Beca finds herself a stalker; and Chloe deals with her own wishes and desires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did say come what may I'll upload the update! Here is chapter 13 featuring a few heart to heart talks, the introduction of Emily, and a hint regarding a secret?
> 
> Next chapter update should be Wednesday or Thursday (it's gonna be quite long). Again, thanks for all the support so far. Reviews and comments are always appreciated, I love hearing about what you think is going to happen too!

It's been a week since Chloe was rushed to the hospital. Beca tries her best to visit her as regularly as possible with Chloe requests of canalés always in hand.

But then, well, there were circumstances where Beca just couldn't come and drop by.

That's usually when Jesse visits her on his own.

As a group Beca never minds it. Amy would tell Chloe stories of what she was missing, Aubrey would always ask when she was coming out and talk about future events that she knew they would both want to go to, and Jesse would be Jesse, ever so charming with telling Chloe how things were going with the soccer team and all. Cynthia Rose would join them every now and then as well, see how she was doing, although she pretty much has her own thing going for her as well.

And Beca?

She would be just her typical Beca. Chloe would check in on her if she's still playing the piano – which she is doing, Luke has made sure of that – and Beca would mention a thing or two about her progress that they would mostly just reserve to talking about when they're alone. Most of the times, Beca would just sit there quietly and observe, watch. She was content in just seeing Chloe, seeing her smiling or laughing. It fought off any bad thoughts that would haunt her at night with her own worries based on past experiences.

But then here Jesse was… again… bugging Beca to come visit Chloe with him. Just the two of them.

It annoyed Beca.

It wasn't the fact that she'd have to share Chloe's time with Jesse, it's not that, no.

It was that it was a constant reminder that she was Friend A, and Jesse was the leading man in Chloe's story, and it sucked. It hurt.

Because Beca knew, she most definitely  _yearned_.

She yearned to be more than just Friend A.

And it annoyed her more to know that Jesse was fine with things. That Jesse could see right through her and push her to be with Chloe. Never mind the million or so reasons of why that can't be, and on why Jesse had more of a chance anyways. What bugged Beca was how okay he was about things when clearly he cared enough about Chloe and liked her as well.

"You know she'd be happier if you showed your face today. Don't let me coming along stop you from doing that."

"That's… that's not it." Beca argued as she practically stomped out of the music room. It was late in the afternoon, and yes, she initially planned to go see Chloe today but with Jesse expressing his own desires of visiting, she decided to put it off… again.

It just felt like she would be trespassing on something she never had a right too.

"Oh come on, Beca! Forget what people say, or might or will. Just embrace it!" Jesse then said in his usual cheerful way. "I can see it, you know? You're clearly in love with her!" he proclaimed instantly making Beca trip in her steps, the simple thought of it making her incredibly flustered.

It's not that he hasn't thought about it, how Chloe simply made her feel  _different_.

How she made her feel something she never quite felt before.

But to call it love though…?

"Don't you love her too?" Beca managed to say as a response, trying to hide the fact that she's still all flustered by Jesse's comment.

_Yep, good idea Mitchell. Torture yourself in finding out that Jesse does, and he'll end with Chloe, and so on and so forth. Just keep the pressure off yourself,_ she thought to herself as she regretted asking Jesse her question as soon as she did.

Jesse chuckled. "I like her, she  _is_ my friend, but that's it. 'Sides I'm too young to fall in love."

"And I'm not?!" Beca exclaimed in response, mostly being taken off guard by Jesse's comment.

This time Jesse just plain and simple laughed. "Finally! You've been like a zombie barely reacting to anything lately. Either your head is in the music sheet or worried and thinking about Chloe." he said before buckling down a little under the death glare Beca was shooting him at the moment.

_Stupid Jesse and his stupid Jesse-ness. I can't believe he practically had me admit that I have feelings for Chloe just to get a rise out of me._

_Wait…_

_I… I have feelings for Chloe…_

_Well, no duh, Mitchell, but…_

"I…" Beca started to say out loud this time as she processed it all.

"No need to tell me anything Beca, not if you're not ready to admit it to yourself." Jesse then said, backtracking a little.

"She likes you though." Beca then replied, going back to lamenting her position as nothing but Friend A.

"Oh Beca, I wouldn't be too sure of that." Jesse replied before she finally agreed to go with Jesse.

They walked to the hospital together, Jesse going on and on about upcoming soccer matches to get Beca's mind off of worrying again.

Beca appreciated the effort but the mess in her head was just too much to ignore.

There was this thing with the butterflies that she would feel when she thought about Chloe, how she played so freely, how she kept pushing her to be better, how she smiled, how she laughed… all of it.

But then there was that heavy feeling of dread growing deep inside of her too.

_Everything, everything is just overlapping with you._ Beca thought as they took their time at the café to pick up Chloe's request of canalés – something that she never asked Jesse to bring, as Beca found out – and continue on their merry way to the hospital.

_The smell of antiseptic, the gray linoleum, the echoes of footsteps in empty white halls…._

"So Jess, have you heard anything on when Chloe could be going home?" Beca found herself asking just as they reached the hospital lobby.

Jesse shook his head. "No clue yet. I think they're constantly running tests. I guess that's normal, right? Chloe did hit her head and all."

Beca simply too a deep breath and gave Jesse a nod as a response.

_You're not… you're not leaving me right?_ Beca asked herself, the question echoing in her mind.

_You're coming back,_ she convinced herself wanting not to let her sadness dampen the mood. They came to visit Chloe to cheer her up after all.

So Beca tried to muster up the courage to smile, and bury her fears.

_Please don't leave me like my mother did._

* * *

"You telling me why you're not joining Jesse and Beca to visit Chloe today?" Cynthia Rose asked. She was sat opposite Aubrey in the library doing homework after school.

Normally she does this with Amy, lately with both her and Cynthia Rose, but Amy had a date.

And Aubrey never thought she'd say this, but she missed Amy. At least with Amy around, she could keep a conversation going revolving herself and Aubrey would feel a bit more relaxed and distracted from thinking about the things that seemed to have been preoccupying her mind.

That is Beca.

And how Beca practically ran to Chloe's side after finding she's in the hospital, only stopping short by the door of her room when her worries and fears took over.

And how Beca was always busy nowadays to focus on playing the piano even after recitals and competitions Chloe participated in were finished.

Aubrey hated it, the feeling of jealousy that seemed to be taking over her at the fact that Beca barely had time to spend with them, or for that matter her, lately. It seemed like she was too busy chasing after some dream Aubrey herself couldn't see clearly, and with each passing day, Beca was slipping further and further away from her reach.

And now she's stuck with trying to dodge questions an ever well-meaning Cynthia Rose kept asking her.

"We have so much work to do, and with practice and all. I'll swing by over the weekend to see her. That way Chloe can focus on getting better first." Aubrey replied. It wasn't that much of a lie. She really want to see Chloe out of the hospital soon too, she was her best friend outside her little circle of childhood friends and all.

It's not exactly the truth either but then again how could Aubrey tell Cynthia Rose how much it hurt to see visit Chloe with Beca when all that time she gets to watch Beca just breathlessly watch Chloe, look at her with such affection she's never seen even felt from her.

Not to mention the fact that Aubrey  _really_ didn't want to deal with what this was all about at the moment.

"You sure that's just it?" Cynthia Rose then asked.

"Yep. Totally." Aubrey replied, her tone a bit dismissive.

"Whatever you say cap." Cynthia Rose said and that was that.

Except Aubrey knew that wasn't that.

Because even when she wouldn't talk about it, that doesn't mean she doesn't think about it.

That didn't mean she doesn't miss Chloe or Beca and the way things were before she had the two of them meet.

* * *

It wasn't like she was doing this on purpose, no. Emily was most definitely not stalking Beca Mitchell. She just happened to see her on her way home from her favorite music shop about three days ago and she got curious.

She's seen her stop at the same old café each day, one time with this tall guy with dark her hanging about with her. She's seen her visit the hospital every day too, and leave with a contemplative look on her face each time before heading to some house near Emily's neighborhood.

So maybe Emily followed her each time, deciding to stick around and hide someplace that still gave her a reasonable view of Beca's coming and goings. That's not stalking. Nope.

That was intel gathering.

After all, Beca Mitchell was the enemy.

She was the person Emily needed to know and understand and beat… or at least help beat.

But then on the fourth day Beca just had to go and spot her. "You've been following me every day, what's your deal?" Beca asked, running up to her.

They were just around the corner to the house that Beca always visits after the hospital. Emily had to admit, most of her cover when following Beca on this leg were random cars parked on the street or the occasional tree on the side walk. Not much but it was better than nothing. So Emily thought that it was still rather effective, could anyone blame her? Apparently Beca saw her, really the problem was wit Beca for only saying something now.

"I… um…" Emily found herself mumbling as a response.

She so wanted to be mad at Beca. Again, she was the enemy.

But something about her melancholic ways, her routine visits to the hospital, and dear God, the way she played… just something about it, that made it so hard to do so.

"What's going on Mitchell, who's the friend?" a tall, rather handsome young man with a British accent asked as he stepped outside of the house. He stood, waiting at the front porch for Beca, expecting an answer.

"This kid's been following me." Beca replied.

"Not much of a kid when she's taller than you." the British man replied sounding rather amused much to Beca's great annoyance. "What's your name kid? My name's Luke. I'm Beca's mentor. She's an aspiring pianist and I'm her model teacher."

"Not really." Beca then grumbled. "Mentor yes, model teacher, you've got to be kidding me."

"Hey! Not the way to talk to your teacher." Luke then retorted, the whole exchange giving Emily an idea.

"Well… You see… um… My name's Emily Junk. I'm an aspiring pianist myself a-and I… I'd really love to be your student Beca! You're my idol!" she replied.

Not much of a lie either, and might she say a might good answer she decided to come up with. Best case scenario, Beca ends up teaching her to help her become better and give Emily the chance to learn more about her. Worst is she turns her down. She doesn't really lose much.

She was her idol's nemesis after all. And this was the best way she could come up with to help her.

"Um,… Luke?" Beca then replied, not entirely sure what the appropriate response to give was.

"She's you're idol, huh?" Luke replied walking towards where they were on the street, looking like he was thinking about something.

"Yes!" Emily replied with as much enthusiasm as she can muster.

"Sorry Emily, I'm not exactly offering lessons." Beca decided to give as a reply.

"Now, hang on now Mitchell." Luke then said before giving Emily a grin. "I think this might just be the challenge you need."

"What?" Beca replied.

"Welcome to the team, Emily." Luke then said. "Now Beca, if you would be so kind as to escort your student inside, we have a schedule to figure out."

"Wait, Luke!" Beca then said but Luke had already gone back to his home leaving Beca at a loss.

_Things couldn't have gone better than that._

* * *

"Hey." Beca said as she awkwardly shuffled inside her room the next afternoon. After a few days of not seeing her, Chloe had to admit she was glad to see Beca around again.

"Hey to you too." she replied as she set down her phone on her lap. She was watching Beca's performance again, it was something like a ritual to her already. Chloe loved to imagine being there playing with her, how it could have sounded. It was something that broke her heart and lifted her spirits up lately.

It made her miss the moment that had slipped her by.

But it made her wishful and hopeful that perhaps one day they could still perform the piece together, that all the practice they've done wouldn't have been wasted.

More than that, it made Chloe smile to see how much Beca had changed since the day she formally met her.

"Did I ever properly thank you for playing at the violin recital?" Chloe then said as she watched Beca seat down next to her. "I mean that sincerely before you give me one of your patented sarcastic quips in response."

Beca chuckled. "I that's thanks to my mom really, I remembered how she played it. And you, of course. I honestly thought you'd never forgive me if I decided to quit right then and there."

Chloe simply smiled in response, Beca had no idea how much that 'thanks' meant to her. "I guess you're an artist after all." Chloe settled as a response, not wanting to let Beca see how much it affected her emotionally. "Still, I wish I could have played with you."

"Maybe one day." Beca found herself saying while starting to serve Chloe the canalés she brought. "No, for sure next time you get invited to something or have a contest. I  _am_ your accompanist after all."

Chloe found herself relax at that comment and laugh a little. Not wanting to dwell on matters she really didn't want to think about at the moment, she decided to stir the conversation on a different direction. "So how's Luke? How are the lessons going?" she asked and that pretty much did the trick as she soon found herself entrenched in a conversation about music and pieces that Beca preferred playing over the other.

Chloe smiled as she watched Beca talk about it with a light smile on her face, so different from the pained expression she had months ago when she first talked to Chloe about the piano. It was like she was finally watching Beca bloom after a cold and hard winter.

In a way, she was like the rarest of flowers that take its time blooming in the spring.

Before long, time had passed them by again and Chloe had to settle with a promise from Beca to see her again tomorrow. Truth be told, she hated seeing her leave, the time they spend together becoming more and more precious to her with each passing day.

More than anything, she wished she could stay.

No, better.

She wished she could leave with her.

"Hi Chloe," she then heard one of the nurses on duty knock on her door and say, "I saw your friend leaving. If you're not expecting anymore friends, is it okay to resume the I.V. drips again?" she asked and Chloe simply nodded in response.

Yes, more than anything, she wished she could leave with her for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I've been binging on Crunchyroll (yey crunchyroll for fulfilling my anime needs!) and Netflix, I started a different fic called ERASED. It's more murder/mystery with a hint of fantasy elements because Beca has this ability called 'Revival' in the story, come check it out when you can. I'm trying to update that every night.
> 
> That said my other ongoing fic will be completed after I wrap this one up, as I promised before! :)
> 
> UPNEXT: Beca, Chloe, and a moonlit scene!


	14. Twilight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca sets her eyes on her future goal; Aubrey comes to terms with her feelings; Chloe and Beca share another scenery together that the redhead asks to never forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here is chapter 14 featuring a realization for Aubrey, future decisions, and a moment with Beca and Chloe. Sorry for the delay, I only finished about half of this yesterday before I fell asleep on my desk… ‘grad school: a summary’…
> 
> I repeat, I’m NOT following the anime ending. I’m writing my own that falls between the anime ending and the polar opposite of it. It’ll be bittersweet and there will be heart-wrenching moments for sure. 
> 
> That said, I’m setting Wednesdays and Sundays as my upload schedule for this fic. I think that’s pretty do-able based on my schedule right now. I might miss this coming Sunday because this update is a little delayed but it will be more consistent after next Wednesday.

Chloe was humming, ecstatic about the coming day. Being cooped up in a hospital all day for weeks on end was pretty depressive enough, but knowing it’s in and outs, its silence in the dark of night while she stretched out her legs and walked down the halls outside her room, it added another haunting feel to it.

It wasn’t exactly the happiest place on earth, and somehow Chloe knew that that’s not what it was designed to be. It was kind of pretty obvious.

But tomorrow, of tomorrow, Chloe gets to breath the fresh air of the outside world. She gets to feel the warmth of the sun on her skin without having to be charted around from place to place in a wheelchair.

Tomorrow she gets to visit her friends instead of them visiting her again. She gets to experience the wonderful colors and sight that fall typically brings year in and year out. If that’s not enough to make her happy then nothing else could.

There was a skip in her step at the thought of visiting the café she visited with Beca again. Maybe she could even meet this mysterious piano student that Beca now apparently had as she found out earlier.

No, Chloe still doesn’t approve of it. The fact of the matter was Beca was still just starting to get back into the swing of things when it comes to picking up the piano again and being a musician. What she doesn’t need now was to waste time teaching someone else. If she had that much time free she should pour her heart and soul into practicing and finding herself in her playing.

“Do you really think it’s a good time to teach someone piano? That’s just another excuse. You can’t afford to be getting cozy with another girl. If you have time to do that then how about practicing more?” Chloe couldn’t help but exclaim when Amy let slip the tiny tidbit of info that she found out from Luke after running into him the other day. Apparently, neither Aubrey nor Jesse knew about it either.

Chloe would be lying if she said she wasn’t a tiny bit jealous at the thought that someone else sat next to Beca on the piano chair and played with her.

At the thought that she had been spending the time she used to share with music with her and her alone.

But Chloe knew that despite this, there was still genuine concern. Beca can’t teach someone if she’s still unsure about her ability to play either.

Then of course, Chloe was just mostly mad that Beca didn’t even bother telling her this herself when she had multiple chances to do so.

“I do my best to do both, to teach her and practice. When I get home, I do my own practicing too.” Beca had replied, sounding slightly annoyed.

“I’m telling you that’s not enough, you’re juts wasting your time. Other people are practicing more and you don’t even feel threatened.” Chloe had countered.

“I told you, I _am_ practicing” Beca had insisted.

“Them practice more! There’s no such thing as enough, especially when you’re still relying on other people as a clutch. You need to be able to play by yourself without getting lost in your own thoughts. You need to find the confidence to do so.” Chloe had then argued, “The competitions are starting in December again, you won’t have time, and before you know it…” she went on before realizing the irrationality behind her sudden outburst. She had apologized then but she figured she could still make it up a bit to Beca tomorrow.

That’s why she’s keeping it a surprise for now.

A surprise she was most definitely looking forward to.

But perhaps it was too soon to celebrate even the slightest bit of happiness that life brought her way. As Chloe found herself falling down to her knees just as she neared her own room, all feeling in them lost. There was a surge of panic building up inside of her as she started hitting her legs to try and get some kind of feeling or sensation from them.

 _Not again._ she thought to herself as tears started to swell in her eyes.

“Not like last time.” Chloe said softly to herself, remembering the night before the recital, going over the music sheet one last time before going to bed. She had been looking forward to her performance with Beca since she received the letter of invitation, and all of a sudden, she collapses, her legs having lost all feeling.

Except that night, Chloe lost consciousness from hitting her head. This time, Chloe was painfully aware that she was incapable to move her legs. “Stupid legs, work!” Come on!” she cried out knowing full well it was a futile attempt.

Not wanting to just give up, Chloe crawled her way towards the hand railings attached on the walls of the hallway and pulled herself up with every bit of strength she had left.

Her hands were shaking as she tried to make it to her door in a slow pace.

No, not now. She wasn’t going to give up.

At least not yet.

 

* * *

 

The night before had been a long one for Aubrey, and so far, the day before her was turning out to be the same.

Beca had been in a terrible mood after leaving the hospital. Aubrey kept her company as they both took the long route back home, stopping for popsicles along the way and walking in silence. Aubrey didn’t mind it really, she was mostly just content in her own way that she had a bit of alone time with Beca again. It’s been far too long since they last had a moment to share just between them.

“You know, for someone who loves milk popsicles, you’re still awfully short Mitchell.” Aubrey had then said to break the silence. That, and well, Beca started humming some stupid piano piece and it was grinding her gears at how even when they were finally left alone together, her love of those stupid musical pieces took precedence over actually talking to Aubrey.

“Hey, that hurt. What did I do to you for you to insult me all of the sudden?” Beca had then asked, turning to look at Aubrey with an annoyed expression on her face.

“Let’s start with you not telling me you’re mentoring someone.” Aubrey had replied.

“That’s mostly Luke’s idea.” Beca had admitted. “Although I do see the benefits.”

“What do you mean?”

‘I’ve been talking to Luke a lot. The future isn’t that far away anymore and I know I lost a lot of time because I gave up on it, but I’ve been thinking.” Beca had said, looking rather deep at thought as she spoke. “I had a dream before, I still want that dream. I want to be a pianist, Aubrey. I know I am one, technically, but a proper one, so I’m applying to a bunch of music conservatories instead of just sticking to getting a college degree I’ll never use. To do that, I need to start winning contests again, continue practicing a lot, and I have barely a year left to get that all done. Luke’s got some connections to conservatories abroad though, so I’m considering those as well.”

Aubrey had stopped then upon hearing Beca’s plan. “You’re… You’re leaving.” she then muttered as she thought back to plans she and Jesse and Beca started to make in middle school, about possibly going to the nearby college and apply to places nearby instead of going too far away from each other.

But now those promises seemed so lost.

Because once again, Beca’s enchanted by music.

Taking her away from Aubrey.

Aubrey had run away after that, she could feel the tears that threatened to fall and like hell would she let Beca see her crying.

She hated it. She hated how things were changing.

She was so used to Beca being by her side that she didn’t see how she’s taken it for granted. Sure she wished Beca to get back on her feet but only because she wanted her to move on from the past.

But now Aubrey felt like she was the one going to be left behind as Beca moved forward to grow as an artist.

It was incredibly selfish of her, she knew. But they’ve always been together, she’s always been the one at Beca’s side, and she’s the one who always doted on her.

Until it hit her that night as she heard Beca playing the stupid piece she was humming from her.

 _I’m an idot._ she thought to herself as it finally dawned on her why it hurt so much, the thought of losing Beca.

Hence why the thought of having to talk to Beca that very next day had been too daunting for Aubrey. She didn’t exactly know what to say.

She need to apologize for running away and leaving Beca behind. She needed to apologize for making her feel abandoned in the first place after Beca trusted her by telling her of what she planned to do, _because that’s what it was, Aubrey, she trusts you, and you’re being too stupid and blind not to see that._

_You still mean something to her._

_Just not in the way she does to you…_

Aubrey pretty much avoided Beca most of the day to clear her head of things, finally pushing herself to go and find her. Thankfully, it wasn’t that hard to guess where Beca would be at during their break.

“Sometimes I wonder what the hell is wrong with you, all you do is play the piano, but then I hear you play and all I can see, and hear, and feel is you screaming at me that you’re here. That your emotions are pouring right into the notes, making me feel what you feel in the moment. Then I realize that you really an artist.” Aubrey said, rambling on as she stepped into the music room before settling down next to Beca on the piano stool.

Beca chuckled softly as she continued to play. “I guess I should say thanks.” she then replied.

“Sorry about last night.” Aubrey replied.

“Nah, it’s okay. I figured I should be used to your outbursts by now.” Beca teased, earning her a slap on the arm from Aubrey. “But seriously, are you okay?” she asked.

And boy was that a very loaded question.

Was Aubrey ‘okay’?

No, she’s hurting that she can see that Beca doesn’t feel the same way back.

No, because she knows the very obvious truth that Beca had been falling in love with Chloe from day one. Why else would she fight when Chloe asked her to do so? Why else won’t she give up the piano?

Why is she fighting still? Or why does she look torn and worried sick every time they visit Chloe at the hospital?

And another definite no, because the thought of Beca leaving her behind was the worst.

But she was Beca’s best friend. And she would do anything to support her at the end of the day.

Because if this meant Beca would stop suffering, if that meant she’d stay as lively as she was right now – passionate and determined even thought it’s music that’s making her feel alive, even though it’s that damned thing that Aubrey swears is her nemesis for always putting Beca under its spell one way or another – then she’d manage to find away to get back to being okay.

Aubrey shrugged, not choosing to answer that specific question at the moment.

“I want you know, Beca, you’re not gonna lose me that easily. Whether it be France, England, Austria, or New York or Boston… wherever. You’ll have me, especially when you need me.”

Beca chuckled again. “Looks like you’ve done some research.” she replied.

“Oh, shut up.” Aubrey replied.

Beca smiled. “For what it’s worth, Aubrey, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” she then said.

And Aubrey chose to take comfort in that.

* * *

She's never prepared to see Chloe. Never. She always seemed to just appear unexpectedly.

But Beca always welcomes it.

Chloe was dressed in her uniform. She looked around for Jesse a bit before smiling a Beca. "Guess you'll have to be the stand-in again." she said.

And Beca shouldn't find any sort of comfort in those words, but she was more than willing to always be Jesse's stand-in if it meant that she gets to spend more time with Chloe.

But more than that, Chloe was just relieved to see her out of the hospital.

Something was nudging at Beca though the entire time they were going around, she just couldn't put a finger on what it was so Beca decided to simply enjoy Chloe's company for the day.

They ended up at the café they went to the afternoon Chloe appointed her as Friend A before heading to the mall, entering pretty much every single one of Chloe's favorite shops. Chloe made sure to buy something from each of them; a shirt form her favorite clothing shop, a pack of stationaries with the designs she loved, a gigantic stuffed teddy bear that Beca was currently struggling to carry along with all of the other things she bought as the redhead led the way into even more stores.

Beca didn't mind carrying the weight though. Chloe still looked pale, and Beca noticed that she didn't seem to be as strong as she had been in the past either, often asking Beca if they could take a break for a few minutes. She even dropped her water bottle a few times while walking around.

Still, Chloe was ever the smiling kind-to-strangers-tough-on-her person she's always been, the two even helping a little kid who got lost to find her mom again.

It was after the kid had thanked her that Beca finally noticed that Chloe wasn't carrying her bag with her.

"Huh?" Chloe asked before realizing what Beca had meant. "O-oh. Um, I must have left it at school." she then said. "We should go get it!"

"But school's closed." Beca noted.

"Then we sneak in." Chloe replied with a wink and really, that's all Beca needed to be convinced that it was a brilliant idea.

They soon found themselves on school grounds. The day having already given way to the night. Beca couldn't help but be in awe of Chloe beauty a she walked along the halls, the two checking the classroom where Chloe would have had her last class.

They walked in the still of darkness, with nothing but their footsteps breaking the silence that surrounded them. Inside the classroom, Beca watched Chloe walk towards the window, her eyes on the clear night, the shining moon. She looked almost ethereal as she smiled a little at the sight before her.

Beca found that she couldn't quite tear her eyes of off Chloe, noting the wishful look in the redhead's eyes, the melancholic smile on her lips. She was so beautiful that it was just too painful to bear it.

How she was still just the stand in.

But more than that, what hurt was the sudden realization that the bag wasn't actually in the room. Beca would have been mad but a thought had occurred to her, the bad wasn't there because Chloe hasn't gone back to school yet.

"You're not out yet, aren't you?" Beca found herself asking Chloe.

Chloe sighed and smiled at Beca apologetically. "No, I'm afraid not. They just gave me a pass for today. The bag gave me away?"

Beca nodded. She wanted to ask why that was the case but a part of her was too afraid to find out.

Just the thought of what it could possibly be was starting to tear at her heart.

"Sorry, I just wanted to see the school at a night like this. Peaceful and quiet. We had a pretty unforgettable day, huh?" Chloe then said but Beca couldn't quite find any answer fitting to the question.

The answer was an obvious 'yes'.

_But everything that's happened since I've met you had been pretty unforgettable._

"I'm sorry it couldn't have been more perfect." Beca then replied.

"What do you mean?" Chloe asked.

"I'm not Jesse." she pointed out but Chloe shook her head before fully turning around to face her.

"No, I'm glad it's you." Chloe then replied before she fully turned to face Beca. She took a deep breath before giving her yet another smile.

And Beca swore her eyes never looked bluer in that moment as the moonlight gracefully touched her skin, bathing them in a soft glow to illuminate the darkness that surrounded them.

"It's been perfectly unforgettable, Beca, and it'll live in my heart forever." Chloe said in such a soft voice that Beca could feel echo in her heart. "Will it live in your heart forever too? Do you think you'll ever forget this moment?"

Beca stayed speechless, not really knowing what to say.

 _How could she even ask that?_ Beca thought to herself as she tried to keep the tears welling up inside her at bay.

"Will you ever forget the girl we helped at the mall today? Will you ever forget the canalés we ate or this dusty old classroom and how it looks like at night? How about the girl who snuck out the hospital and waited for  _you_?" she pressed on asked

"No." Beca immediately answered in whisper before she repeated it again, louder. "No. Not even after I die."

Chloe smiled, and perhaps it was even the most brilliant smile Beca's ever seen her give. "I'm glad it's you after all." she said weakly. "I'm glad I spent today with you." she added before falling onto her knees. Beca was by her side within a split second, dropping all the shopping bags to catch Chloe in her arms.

When Chloe woke up, she was already back at the hospital, Beca keeping watch over her. Beca nearly panicked when she had lost consciousness but with all her past experiences with her mother, she's learned to be quick on her feet to come up with the best solution. She called Luke to help them get to the hospital fast and Beca's eternally grateful that Luke got them there within seconds.

"Thank him for me?"

"I will." Beca then said after she explained how Luke had to leave soon to get back to Emily and Avril as he decided it would be for the best that he came alone to help them out.

"Are you in trouble for missing practice?" Chloe then asked just as Beca got up to leave.

"Possibly." Beca then replied. "But I do think it's worth it."

Chloe smiled back before making her promise to bring more pastries on her next visit.

With each step she took away from Chloe, Beca wished she could stay, if only spend more time with her.

And along with those thoughts she could feel the tears slowly trailing down her cheek as she silently sobbed on her way home.

Because it doesn't matter if she's just Jesse's substitute forever, if she had to be the stand-in Friend A, for as long as it had been spent with Chloe.

So long as she get to share many more sceneries with her.

Something that Beca couldn't help but feel was slipping away.


	15. Waltz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here is chapter 15 featuring a performance from Beca and Emily!
> 
> Thanks for sticking through this fic with me. Reviews and comments are always appreciated.
> 
> Also, this isn't going to turn into a Mitchsen fic. Aubrey's feelings are pretty much one sided (although the OG anime hinted that that's where it's going with the ending that they had). I'm not going with that.

"Come on, you know you want it." Beca said as she sat took the swing next to Emily's handing her a popsicle as a piece offering.

Emily huffed, still pretty much annoyed that she missed one of their practice sessions. Luke did say that it was and emergency of sorts, and the mentor of her mentor did have that somber look on his face when he said it, so perhaps she should let it slide.

Beca and Emily typically walked home together after lessons, Beca always heading to the hospital, her visits getting pushed back to early evenings now that Emily was her pupil, and Emily branching off on her own direction. Tonight they decided to stop by the playground they always passed by, Beca thinking it was a brilliant idea as she ran to the nearest store for the popsicles.

Emily was incredibly stressed for the upcoming arts festival in her school where she was asked to play. True, she's technically just sticking around and playing the part of Beca's student because she wanted to know what makes her tick, being her sister's rival and all.

Well, technically, it's her step-sister. But they're parents remarried when they were still much younger so Emily's practically had her as a sister for her whole life.

Which meant she's been chasing after her for that long too.

This was her chance, her one and only shot to get her attention – it did help that she managed to convince Beca to play alongside her as an accompanist playing the bass – and show her that she's right there too.

Because lately, the piano seemed to be all that consumed her. That and surpassing Beca.

But that proved to be more difficult. For one thing, Beca was far stricter than Emily imagined. She would constantly criticize her technique as she mastered the fundamentals for the piece she had selected for the last few days. A piece she had actually selected and practiced months ago but apparently it wasn't good enough for the human metronome.

Emily's frustrations just kept building up for the last few days, after constantly complaining that Beca's teaching her to play soulless music but then she started to tell her that now that she's got the basics down, she should figure out why she plays and think about that as she did.

_What kind of nonsense was that about?_

The other thing grinding her gears was the fact that, in truth, she actually did admire Beca. She would watch as Beca practiced pieces herself that she's been going over and Emily would watch transfixed as she listened to the way Beca played the piano.

Like every note was dancing despite the melancholic hues of her pieces.

And it was just so clichéd that Beca was the supposed enemy but now that she's spending time with her Emily could recognize that she's not actually bad as a mentor.

She might go so far as to say they could be friends.

"So, have you thought about your answer?' Beca then asked, breaking Emily from her reverie.

"Why do I play?" Emily then asked, more to herself than as a reply to Beca as she nibbled on her popsicle a bit. "It's more of a 'who' really." she then settled as an answer.

"Mind if I ask who?" Beca replied.

Emily took a deep breath and softly replied. "My sister."

Beca nodded, urging her to go on.

"I want to play for her. We used to play a lot when we were younger but see, she's a pianist too. She used to have lessons with me and help me practice difficult pieces too. And sometimes she'd tease me that if I don't try and catch up, she'll leave me behind. But lately, well, that's all that's consumed her. How she can be the best, how she can play like her idol." Emily then went on.

"You want her to see you." she then replied with a smile. "Then next time we practice, think about that. Okay?"

"Okay." Emily then replied.

And so she did what she was told the following day, and Emily was surprised with the music she could hear herself playing with Beca.

Like the very scenery around them changed as she felt every note flow through her and in perfect synchrony with her heart.

"Hey Beca." Emily said on their way out after practice. "So, um… who do  _you_ play for?" she dared ask, stopping Beca on her track. Beca simply shakes her head but Emily could see it, in the way her eyes had softened, in the smile that was tugging on her lips, that there definitely was someone. "Oh, come on, you've gotta tell me. You're mentor, right? Shouldn't you lead by example to your student?"

"I already am." Beca replied.

Emily pouted. "I meant with the whole opening up thing. I told you my answer, you should tell me yours too. I can tell there is someone, you know? It's written all over your face." she replied as they continued on their path.

"Is it?" Beca then replied with a nervous chuckle. "It doesn't really matter. It's just this girl."

"If that's what you're all getting awkward about, my sister's been dating both guys and girls since her freshman year. She's introduced a few to the family too. And, as much as I hate it, I'm pretty sure I've stumbled into things I shouldn't walk into far too many times for my young life. You shouldn't be uncomfortable about that. 'Sides, who am I to judge love?"

Beca looked at her astounded before recovering a bit. "Okay, first of all, you're like in eighth grade. Don't give me solid life advice. It's weird. Second of all, it's not that. She's into a friend of mine."

"Well then, it's more clichéd than I thought." Emily then noted. "Friendship over love." she went on. "But is that really a good enough reason to give up on her?"

And once again Beca stopped, the question Emily posed her stomping her.

Emily then smiled. "Just think about it." she then said. "So, what kind of person is she?"

Beca shook her head, as if she was chasing away a though that had occurred to her, before smiling at Emily. "This girl, you see, she's like a roller coaster… crying, laughing… she's got me at her beck and call. And just by being around, she's turned my monotone world into a colorful one." she then replied, this time leaving Emily speechless.

"She sounds special." Emily then replied.

"She really is." Beca said making Emily smile as well.

One day, she hoped to meet this person too.

* * *

 

This was possibly the first time that Beca was waiting backstage and she didn't feel like throwing up. She figured that it was mostly because she wasn't exactly the star of the show, she was just there for a supporting role.

But then again, so was she when she played with Chloe.

She was still all bundle of nerves. It was something that never really goes away. But right then, she knew, she's changed. She's grown. She was becoming who she wanted to be.

And Beca had to admit that it felt strange as she watched Emily look like she was about to throw up, hands shaking as she calmed herself down. Hers was the next performance after all. Beca chuckled, she never really thought she would be cast in the role she was in now. The mentor, the friend, the person who had to reassure the other.

"How are you so calm?" Emily looked at her rather annoyed and Beca shook her head.

"I'm not. To be honest, I'm just too overwhelmed to be worried." Beca replied.

"That's not helping!"

Beca reached out to let Emily hold her hands. "See, they're shaking too." she said and Emily looked at her with a look of realization dawning on her face. Beca knew she wasn't really good at this, the whole lead and be an example thing but she does have a hard-headed person in mind who was.

So she figured she was just going to do what  _she_ would if it were her in Beca's position then and Beca was in Emily's.

"Just play with sincerity, give the performance of your life with everything you've got." Beca said sincerely.

And before they knew it, their turn has arrived.

Beca started to feel all the more nervous as she took the stage with Emily. It wasn't really the performance itself of the reaction of the crowd that was on her mind and building the moment up so high. It was Chloe.

Because Beca couldn't help but imagine her standing right next to her, playing her violin with them.

And because Beca remembered her request from Aubrey, wanting to cheer Chloe up a bit with music.

_Her_ music.

That's why in a way, she had a lot riding on this too.

She didn't want to mess it up.

_But I'll be playing for you so that at least is keeping me partially calm._

But Beca didn't want to risk screwing up. " _Elohim essaim… Elohim essaim…_ most humbly I implore you." she whispered, remembering words she would hear Chloe utter before they start practice or whenever they play together.

"What was that?" Emily asked, looking at her curiously as they sat down.

Beca shrugged. "I honestly don't know." she admitted.

But it did the trick. It calmed her down.

And Beca never felt lighter before starting to play the piano.

* * *

 

Stacie could already tell something was up when she spotted the three familiar faces always with Beca during her past performances.

_And they don't even come here for school?! What the heck are they doing here?_ she asked herself a good half an hour ago as they filed into the auditorium.

Every now and then, Stacie found herself looking over her shoulders, keeping an eye on three of Beca's friends, wondering what they were doing there without Beca.

After the last performance, the pretty blonde she's always seen since they were kids fished out her phone and raised it a little. Stacie decided to shift her attention back on stage in the hopes of figuring out what she was doing, especially now that her step-sister was about to perform.

And as soon as she did, things started making sense.

Because there, right next to her sister, chatting it up with her and all, was her nemesis, her rival, the one and only Beca Mitchell…

… _and what does she think she's doing with my sister?!_

Stacie had to struggle staying in her seat as the crowed around her buzzed about the upcoming performance, especially with the child piano prodigy being up on stage with Emily.

"It bothers you doesn't it?" Denise, her classmate who also turned out to be a brilliant violinist, said. "I bet you wish you were Beca right now because I sure as hell wish I was Emily. How do they even know each other?"

"Does it look like I know?" Stacie managed to squeak out before the performance begun.

And it…

…it was transfixing.

Beca played as she normally did, masterful even though she was back-up, and her sister was amazing too. She did tone it down a bit to give Emily the spotlight.

But then Beca shifted her pace, starting to outclass Emily just a little bit, just like it was a dare.

A dare that she better keep up or she'll end up stealing the show.

Stacie was worried that might be the case, but then Emily took the challenge head on leaving Stacie speechless as the two brought Tchaikovsky's piece to life.

It was clear that as a bass, Beca was playing magnificently, using what she knew of Emily her personality and all, to goad her, accelerate her growth as pianist and bring out the best in her and back her up.

And it was really annoying Stacie.

One, because Beca Mitchell seemed to always be one step ahead of her.

And two, because apparently Beca Mitchell knew her sister well enough to be able to push this kind of performance out of her.

Because she was most definitely pushing her, issuing a challenge as she changed the tempo once more, putting more of herself into the piece and making it her own to put Emily in the zone.

But mostly… mostly, Stacie hated that Denise was right, it bugged her that it was Beca on stage with her little sister and not her.

How did she missed this?

How did she lose sight of what was right in front of her?

_I see, you've grown too, huh?_ Stacie thought as she watched Emily continue to give it her all as she played with her hero.

And this was their waltz.

* * *

 

Emily let the music sway her with its rhythm, playing in a way that she knew she's never played before. She felt light, warm, and free.

She understood it now, what Beca meant when she asked her who she thought about when she played.

" _She's the coolest! Like those hard as steel robots, you know? A hero!"_ Emily remembered Stacie exclaiming when they were little. It was just after the first contest Stacie lost against Beca, and her older sister kept raving on and on about it, about Beca's precision, her accuracy, how she simply mastered the technical aspects of the piece.

But that was way back in the days when Emily would chase after Stacie, and Stacie kept chasing after the image she had of one prodigious pianist.

And Emily thought, playing similarly was the way she would understand the enemy. Figure out a way to help Stacie beat her.

See, Stacie's always been  _her_  hero and Emily only started playing the piano to try and get her attention because it was something that mattered to her.

But Stacie was wrong. She was a brilliant pianist, and in some ways, Emily knew that she was even more charismatic than Beca on that stage as she played. But her frustrations stemming from the fact that Beca no longer played the way she did?

No, she thinks that wasn't true at all.

Because Emily was starting to feel that way as she listened to Beca play when the practiced. More than that, she could hear her playing right next to her, pushing her to her limits, driving her to achieve her glory, daring her to pour her heart out in her playing.

Beca wasn't some hero made of steel. After all, when Emily touched her hand they felt so warm.

No, Beca Mitchell was just a human being.

One who's learned how to bare their heart and soul to the world through the music she's made.

So what if this was her current level now?

Emily's made up her mind.

Maybe she can never surpass her sister or Beca, but she'll always play music for the people she loved.

Just like the way Beca does.

* * *

 

Aubrey held out the phone in her hand, hoping that from where they sat she could still capture the breath taking performance that Beca was performing.

She was still pretty much annoyed with their earlier encounter with Stacie Conrad but the look on her face as she watched Beca play with her mentee on stage was enough to turn her frown into a smirk.

Besides, she had an all-important job to do.

Beca never really asked for help on anything. She'd just go do things and Aubrey would always just somehow find herself dragged into the mess of it because she'd be too worried about Beca. But this time, she actually said those magic words, and that's why she knows it serious.

"I thought it might cheer her up." Beca had told her after she explained to Aubrey what her little idea was all about. "I know Jesse would probably take a video to share with her when he visits, but nothing beats live music."

"You do know we'd be in the nosebleed seats of a school auditorium, right? I can't do a live feed, you're already tiny as it is." Aubrey had replied after.

Which had then rightly prompted a 'Hey!' from Beca before her usually broody best friend took a deep breath and sighed. "The music's what important, not the video." she had given as a reply. "And I'll be damn sure to give my all in that."

So what else can Aubrey do but comply. Besides, she's seen how sad Chloe's been since her visits. Aubrey would mostly talk about the lighter side of things, hoping that Chloe could get out soon.

But she could feel it, there was something unspoken. She was slowly understanding Beca's worry over her.

And at that moment, all Aubrey really wanted was to make sure that  _both_ her best friends would be happy.

* * *

 

Chloe was curious about the phone call from the moment she answered Aubrey's call. Beca's already mentioned she had a 'thing' – whatever that meant – with her mentee that afternoon. Even Jesse knew about it, apparently, as he briefly mentioned it when he swung by early that morning with some book he borrowed from the library to keep Chloe entertained.

So maybe she thought Aubrey would be busy too.

But as soon as she answered, Chloe understood what the call was all about. She barely had said hello when she heard the loud chattering from the opposite side of the line die down and the first notes of one of Tchaikovsky's waltzes started playing.

_So this is what Beca meant…_

She could feel every note reverberating through her despite the line not exactly being perfect. But Beca the way she played with her student, the performance they were putting, it reached Chloe through and through.

Echoing, reverberating inside her.

Moving her.

_I should really hate you._ Chloe thought.

Because there was nothing she wanted in this world other than be the person Beca was playing with right at that moment.

But she couldn't even properly hold her bow anymore.

Her hands trembled as it started to lose their strength, nearly dropping her precious violin the other day when she tried to play again.

She hadn't told Beca, it hurt to tell her.

So she really should be upset with her, mad at her, despite knowing Beca was doing this with the best of intentions.

Because it was making her miss the things she was starting to lose.

_But that's not what I really feel. I think it's safe to say things haven't changed since the first moment I laid eyes on you…_ Chloe told herself, pushing herself of the bed so that she could sit on the edge, facing the window to see the colors of a peaceful afternoon outside.

_No, things most definitely haven't changed…_   _It's all the same since I first heard you play…_

Chloe closed her eyes and pushed herself up, she raised her hand and played the invisible violin she could still hold in her hands. She played the notes only she could hear with all her heart, with all her passion, expressing the words she didn't have the courage to say to Beca.

And as the performance was coming to an end, Chloe found herself tiring down, deciding to resume her seat on the edge of the bed fighting off the tears she could feel coming.

It was a bittersweet sensation.

Mostly because she had missed Beca's music for so long thanks to her disappearing act.

And now, well now Beca was starting to spread her wings again, slowly but surely soaring to new heights. It might have been because she pushed her by quiet a lot, or perhaps it was just what was meant to be. Chloe was happy about that of course. This was what she wanted after all.

She just didn't know that it would come with a yearning.

_And now you water this withering heart._

Because all that she ever wanted was so close in sight.

_Stupid Beca._

But Chloe feared she might never get to see it, know it, feel it.

_Why do you always make me want for more than I could ever ask for?_

* * *

 

Beca played with all the piece of her she could give, despite still giving way for Emily to be the star of their little performance of course.

Why? The answer was simple.

Chloe. Always Chloe.

Beca played, imaging how Chloe would play the piece right next to her, the sounds their playing would have made.

She was still just the accompanist.

And for now she's still okay with it.

She'll always be the accompanist if it meant she could play with Chloe or reach her with her music.

Beca couldn't even register the crowd's reaction to the performance after they finished the piece. Emily looked mighty proud of herself, smiling so brightly that Beca could almost see a bit of Chloe in her.

She chuckled at that thought.

Apparently she could see Chloe in everything she did now.

She found her sort of rude awakening backstage though.

Luke and Avril rushed towards them as they exited the stage, congratulating them with a job well done.

But then Stacie Conrad, one of the young pianists she's been competing with since childhood, came marching in with a flame of fury. "Step away from my sister you fiend!" she declared.

"What?" Beca squeaked entirely lost at what was happening.

But then before she knew it Stacie was in front of her "What the heck do you think you're doing with my sister?!" she asked, jabbing a finger into Beca's chest.

"Sister?" she repeated.

"Cut it out Stace, she's my piano teacher!" Emily then argued back.

"What?!" Stacie exclaimed.

"Yep! Beca's ben teaching me all kinds of things!" Emily added.

Making Stacie incredibly flustered. "Wh-what… what do you mean all  _kinds_ of…" she started mumbling on before pulling herself together and facing Beca. "One day, one day I'll give you that proper take down on the stage, and with a grand audience! You'll see Mitchell, you won't be one step ahead anymore!" Stacie then said, declaring war on her. "Come on Emily,  _we're_ practicing at home." she added before marching off leaving Beca incredibly clueless and speechless.

"Sh-she's…? Conrad, she's your sister? But I thought you're last name was Junk?" Beca asked as she turned her attention to Emily.

"Our parent's remarried." Emily explained. "They both divorced when we were way younger. I kept my dad's last name."

"Oh." Beca replied, still processing that information.

For that matter, everything else that just happened in a matter of a few minutes.

But then Emily smiled. "Thank you, Beca. Thank you for teaching me and taking me under your wing – and just to be clear, I still am. But more than that, thank you for restoring life back into Stacie. She's been so disinterested in everything than her own career that she's forgotten pretty much everything else. She's been too frustrated and before that, unmotivated. But now, she's starting to become more like who she was before." she then said before excusing herself to follow Stacie.

Beca just stood there for a minute and watched Emily go.

She never really could understand what Chloe meant before about music, about reaching others through it, about how  _she_ reached and inspired  _them_.

But Beca was slowly realizing that in a way, they all push each other to become the best version of themselves as they continue to grow into the musicians that they were meant to be.

To express themselves in their playing, gain someone's attention, or use the stage as a battlefield, it was all a part of that.

_They're all artists after all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you are starting to guess what Chloe's illness is. The original story never got into the detail but it's either an advanced form of MS or Friedreich's ataxia, both of which targets the nervous system and eventually could lead to heart disease. I believe the most common cause of mortality is a cardiac arrest. Anyways, there's no permanent cure (hence a bittersweet ending ahead) but it can be treated to help improve quality of life and or possibly extend a person's time. Each comes with risks and we'll get to it eventually. That said, I'm following the story closely to how it happened in the series, minus some minor changes, before I deviate with the ending.
> 
> UPNEXT: Losing faith, dark thoughts, hard moments, and a promise…


	16. A Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca makes Chloe a promise in exchange for playing one more time with her...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here is chapter 16. Sorry for the slow burn, but this fic really isn't some grand romance with a climactic profession of undying love. There's a reason the tags say hurt/comfort/angst. Also, I'm still following the original series closely. I'll deviate on the second to the last chapter.
> 
> We will get to something close to a grand confession though, just more bittersweet than anything.
> 
> Warning: Thoughts, mention, and suggestion of suicide ahead.

It's been a week since their amazing performance and Emily couldn't quite understand what's gotten Beca so gloomy.

The two were walking home after another afternoon of practicing. Beca still pretty much seemed preoccupied by anything, Emily could tell considering she's told her the story about how Denise was rather jealous that she knew her personally a good five times now but it still hasn't quite registered to Beca.

"Is this because I didn't tell you Stacie was my sister right off the bat? Look, I already apologized for that. If it makes you feel uncomfortable teaching the sister of your nemesis…"

"What? No." Beca quickly replied a soon as Emily started rambling on. "Sorry, just, preoccupied by things." she added. "But it was Stacie you were playing for then, right?"

Emily nodded. "I'm surprised she's pretty okay with me still teaching you." she then heard Beca say.

"Oh, she doesn't know." Emily admitted herself. As much as she hated hiding this to her sister, she knew she had to.

Besides, just because she's hiding the fact to Stacie, it didn't mean she can't tell Beca the truth. She was her teacher after all.

"Why not?" Beca asked out of curiosity.

"Because one day I want to reach her myself and beat her; one day I want to be her hero not you; she's always went on and on before about how you're this hero, this cool lone gunman or steel robot that worked perfectly a machine." Emily answered.

"Those aren't really compliments, you know…" Beca interjected.

But Emily simply shook her head. "Those are to her." she replied. "But then you disappeared, and when you returned, you were bad. Now you play on an entirely different level. I want to be like that."

_I want to reach a different level too._

Beca didn't respond to what Emily said, she just stopped for a minute, casting her eyes in the ground. "You said playing for someone's important right? I think you're right and that's how we rocked that stage." Emily then said. "I think that's why for a moment, I reached that different level."

"I suppose…" Beca replied, looking back up at Emily. She still seemed to be rather preoccupied by things but at least she was talking to Emily this time. "When your hearts come together it might be that that's when music transcends words." she then went on, and Emily coulnd't help but wonder what she was thinking about.

Or perhaps the real question was who?

"When we reach out others and share the music, share our soul…" Beca went on. "When we live in their hearts forever… That's when we do something else… We  _feel_."

Emily simply listened as Beca voiced out her inner thoughts, her talented mentor still looking rather contemplative. Beca looked up at the sky as she watched the day fully give into the night. She smiled weakly and went on. "Yeah, I think I like that." she heard Beca say. "In a monotonous world complicated by noise and words, we connect through music… and when we do, the world bursts into colors."

* * *

"Come on, Beca. Just go with us this afternoon." Amy said as she and Jesse followed Beca into the music room during their break.

Beca initially wanted to just ignore them as they ran into each other in the hallway, but those two were always persistent as ever.

"She misses you." Amy then added making Beca stop on her tracks, not entirely sure what to do or say.

Because the truth is, not seeing Chloe close to a week now made her miss her too.

But how can she go back…

…especially after all of  _that_ …

"Beca, come on. When was the last time you visited Chloe? That night after the art's festival at Emily's school? Wasn't that it? After that you've bene acting all kinds of weird. I don't care what happened during that visit, but you can't go on avoiding Chloe forever." Jesse then said.

And while Beca knew that what Jesse was saying was true, that didn't make things any less difficult.

Her last visit to Chloe didn't exactly turn put as planned.

She had hoped, hoped that she could lift Chloe's spirits up with the performance she gave with Emily, not break her heart and have her lose faith.

Beca had dropped the box of canalés she promised to bring Chloe after her thing with Emily with the greeting she received. As soon as she entered, Chloe had set aside the book that she was reading and with a serious face asked Beca the same words she had once read on the pages of some book before.

Before when her thoughts could only process the pain and loneliness of her dark monotonous world.

"Will you commit double suicide with me?" she had asked taking Beca off guard.

"Sorry, it's just, it's kind of useless for a violinist not to be able to play the piano again." Chloe had gone on to say. "And I don't think it's looking good for me either."

Beca felt paralyzed by that moment, flashes of past memories once again fusing with the reality before her, the sorrow of suffering because of an unknown tragic fate she was wishing to not be true threatening to drown her once again.

_Not you, please not you._

Because Beca couldn't take losing someone important to her anymore.

_It's not true, no, not true._

She just won't accept it.

_Please don't make me wish losing my ability to hear again._

Because if she needed to lose Chloe to find her path as a pianist again, she'd rather not have it anymore.

Chloe was more important.

But Beca knew that Chloe wouldn't exactly be pleased by that line of thinking.

Chloe had apologized immediately after saying what she said, "I'm sorry if I made you remember something you didn't want to. I guess we never should have met, huh? You wouldn't be feeling this way if not for me. You wouldn't be struggling so much."

And Beca told her not to say such things.

Or at least she had wanted to.

She wanted to ask Chloe what she had meant too, but she had become too afraid to do so.

She didn't want to hear any bad news.

Because meeting Chloe had become the most important thing that happened in her life.

"Sorry, Jess, I just don't know what to do. I feel so lost. I thought I could cheer her up but I only ended making her feel worse. I don't know what's happening, I'm sorry." Beca then said.

"Don't apologize. We kind of understand what you mean." Jesse replied.

"Look, something's not exactly adding up. We're worried about Red too. But whatever happened when you last visited her shouldn't stop you from going to see her." Amy then said. "Whatever it is, Chloe's having a hard time for sure, and we need to be there as her support team."

"I just… I wanted to say something, I should've… but I… I couldn't… I don't even know how I should act when I see her." Beca rambled on.

"I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about there Beca, but just go see her. For a girl like her, I'd do anything in the world, even drink muddy water if it's me she wanted… But you know, I'm starting to feel like I'm not the one for her. Whenever she needs something or when she needs someone to rely on, it's always you she seeks. I don't know what happened during your last visit but it's clear that she misses you a lot." Jesse replied, placing a hand on Beca's shoulder to offer her a bit of support.

"She's been sad a lot lately." Amy then added. "To be honest, she's as broody as you right now and we're worried. She's trying hard to keep that smile on her face but, I don't know, I think she's trying to push us all away a bit. We're not giving up, so you shouldn't either, Beca. We know how much she means to you, so you should go visit her."

"But I still don't know what to say." Beca argued back.

"Don't sweat it, just go and see her and when you're there you'll know." Jesse then said, and Beca swore her best friend possessed the power to say what she needed to hear right when he does.

The words Jesse said echoed on through Beca's mind as she found herself walking towards the hospital the next day. She took her time, sorted herself out, and convinced herself that she had to carry with her the courage to keep moving forward, struggle, and fight, if she wanted to reach the goal she had in mind.

That new dream that had begun to awaken inside of her the day she met Chloe.

_Why would you… why would you say something like that?_

_How can you?_

A part of her was still upset about what Chloe had said, but she wasn't going to let that deter her, no, not anymore.

_After pushing me, forcing me up the stage to face the music; after saying those things you said that night at the school, after carving so many sceneries with you in my memory that I won't ever forget._

She had to face her fears, she had to face what was coming.

_I'm bitter._

Even though it felt like some inevitable reckoning, a moment that could either make her or break her.

_So bitter._

Because Beca knew she didn't want to stay in some kind of stand still anymore. She wanted to move and embrace the colorful sceneries of her life.

She wanted to cheer Chloe up too.

That's why she wanted to fight in the only way she knows how to.

But it was just so damn hard when the things that had scarred her deeply in the past seem to have come back to haunt her now.

_After everything you've given me._

And she doesn't honestly know how to feel when that past kept mixing with her present. With Chloe.

_Can't I do anything for you?_

She felt so helpless when she most definitely didn't want to be.

_Is this all I can do for you?_

And she can't help but find it ironic that it felt like she was going down the same path she took when she lost her mom many years ago.

_To embrace the music, go on a journey…_

But this time, Beca told herself things would be different. She remembered the conversation she had with Luke the afternoon before. She wasn't going to back down now, she wasn't going to crumble.

Not after everything she's been through, no.

Luke might be hesitant, even Emily was worried the stress would be too much to take.

"Do you think she'll be fine?" Emily had asked Luke in a low tone while Beca turned her attention to the music sheets in Luke's collection. She had sounded worried about her.

And Beca wasn't going to lie, a part of her was worried too.

Because if she fails this time, all she's worked for would have been for naught.

Luke had given Emily a sage response then. "You, Beca, Stacie, all of us… we're all the same, we've given our heart body and soul to the piano that we sometimes are scared to play knowing full well will be exposed if we did. We work so hard for that moment on stage when we enthrall a crowd and possess their adoration and sometimes it's not worth it. To lay bare your feelings, your emotions, your soul. Beca has to do this now."

And Beca couldn't help but agree to that sentiment. She felt this was the right step to take to get that future she wanted.

Because now she has something that something she had been so afraid to lose that she locked it up deep inside before.

A  _something_ she's setting free.

Because now Beca's found what made it all worth it.

The struggling, the nerves, the endless practicing…

…all for that moment to have the attention of the crowd all on you and express the things could never say…

…to that one person.

The one you want to reach with your emotions.

* * *

If Chloe was being honest to herself, there was a part of her that thought she had scared Beca away for good. That she's finally done it, pushed the one person she wanted to selfishly keep by her side to quit on her.

To her surprise, that wasn't the case at all.

Chloe was on the rooftop of the hospital, teaching two kids who have been confined at the pediatric wing of the hospital a bit longer than she had been. It's been a bit of their routine now as they all wanted to get a bit of fresh air every now and then and the rooftop actually actually had a little garden and bench to admire the wonderful view of the town below. The helepad was on the opposite side of the building, closer to the surgical wing, so Chloe couldn't help but be thankful that at least she had a bit of a small space where she could still enjoy the sunrise and the sunsets every now and then.

And now, apparently, she gets to enjoy Beca's company too.

If Beca would actually still talk to her.

Beca took her time, approaching her a step at a time, a box of canalés in her hand, her little peace offering, Chloe supposed.

Although she knew, Beca didn't really need to give her anything. If anything, Chloe was the one who should be making things up with her.

"Hey." Beca then said a bit solemnly.

"Hey." Chloe replied just the same.

"Is this girl like a girlfriend? She comes bearing gifts." the little boy with her said. "I mean, my sister has a girlfriend too. She comes with gifts for me and her when she comes by the hospital."

Chloe simply shook her head, lowering her head down a bit, not wanting Beca to see the effect the words the little boy said had on her. Instead, she shook her head and tried to muster as much of her usual self to give her response with. "No, no, not at all. She's what you call a jackass." she then said.

"I believe you mean badass, considering I just gave a wonderful supporting performance you couldn't even handle." Beca retorted.

"Well, that's what you are! A jackass! You've made me wait for my canalés! You made Aubrey call for that performance! And Jesse sent a recording to! Making a violinist who can't play listen to that kind of music, what were you thinking?" Chloe then said, letting go of her emotions a little bit.

She understood Beca's sentiments, she really did.

But she couldn't help but still feel upset by things.

Be upset that no matter how hard she fought, it would be close to impossible to have her dreams come true now.

The two kids with her decided that it was the best time to go, and the two scurried away back inside. Beca huffed as soon as they were gone. "So you're still mad about that, huh?"

"It's what made me feel bad!" Chloe replied trying her best to reign in her emotions, not show Beca how much it actually deeply affected her.

"I wanted to cheer you up!" Beca then argued.

"Well it's your fault that I miss it now…" Chloe adamantly replied, looking away for a brief second to calm herself down.

Beca didn't budge. She simply stayed still, standing in front of Chloe.

"Hey Beca…?" Chloe then said, cutting the silence between them short.

"Yeah?"

"Sorry about what I said the other night." Chloe then found herself saying, looking down on the ground before daring to look up at Beca who was looking away herself, eyes fixed on the view of the town before them. "It's just that the hospital can get pretty depressing sometimes." Chloe reasoned out.

"Mhmm…" Beca replied, still fixing her eyes away from Chloe.

"Besides it's just… a violinist who can't even hold her own bow is pretty pointless, huh?" Chloe then replied.

Beca looked thoughtful for a minute or two before taking closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. When she finally focused all her attention on Chloe, Beca took the remaining few steps between them and set the box of canalés down next to her on the bench. She knelt down in front of her and looked her straight in the eyes.

Chloe had no idea what Beca was going to say or going to do, all she knew was that she's never seen the same kind of determination that filled Beca's eyes then.

"I can't commit double suicide with you." Beca said fiercely.

"You're so heartless." Chloe replied in a whisper.

But Beca shook her head. "When we went shopping you treated me like your lackey, do you know that?" she then said. "You were always a few steps ahead of me while I trudged on behind you… And what I always remember is seeing you from behind… no matter what scenery we share. Like I'm always chasing after you… At this point it wouldn't be double suicide, it would be just me following you. So please, give life one more chance."

Chloe simply looked back at Beca, not knowing what it is she was saying exactly.

"Please give me another chance to stand by your side." Beca then said, her words clear with her intention.

She wasn't going to back down.

"Please perform with me one more time." she then added, almost sounding like she was truly pleading.

"But I…" Chloe started to argue but Beca shook her head again.

"You're not a princess, you're a daughter of a cake shop owner who loves canalés, a pain in my butt… Nope, no way. No way am I ever gonna play Ravel." Beca said. "So please, perform with me one more time."

Chloe looked back at Beca, still rather speechless. She wanted to, more than anything in this world, she wanted to.

But she knew that the chances of that happening were slim.

So how could she say 'yes'?

But then Beca smiled at her, with pleading as she was desperate to hear Chloe say yes. "Besides you're the one who said it." she then said, taking Chloe's hands in her own as she went on. "Do you think you'll ever forget?" she said, asking Chloe the same thing she had asked Beca ages ago.

And Chloe couldn't help it anymore, tears spilling down her cheeks. "You're really cruel." she found herself saying but Beca simply chuckled.

"I thought you knew that you called me a jackass." was what Beca gave as a reply that Chloe couldn't help but laugh a little.

_The air is chilly and dry and cold as it could be…_

"You're right. Still, you're such a cruel girl telling me to dream one more time when I'm satisfied that my dream had come true already." Chloe then replied, taking her hands from Beca and wiping her tears away.

… _yet here you are watering this withered heart again._

"I'll compete this December, for that young pianist competition." Beca then said as she stood up and stretched a little. "I'll win." she then declared with a smug smile. "I'll win." she repeated. "Just promise me you'll play with me again."

Chloe smiled and nodded, not knowing what else to say much.

_So greedy… Asking me this, saying you'll win like it's a fact just so that I'd play with you…_

Beca reached out her hand to Chloe after that, "Come on, it's getting too cold. Let's get back inside."

"Sure." Chloe replied, accepting Beca's hand. Beca took her arm and placed it around her, grabbing the box she set down on the bench before proceeding to go back inside.

_I'm just gonna dream again of waltzing with you someday…_ Chloe thought to herself as she watched Beca help her get back to her room.

_I might just…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the anime, Kaoru (the character Chloe's based on) reads a book that Kosei (the character Beca's based on) read (he's actually the only other person who had). Jesse's OG character accidentally brought her that book along with the others he brought from the library and the only name on the card was Kosei's implying he was the only one who borrowed it. The book is called "Alliance of the 15s" and has a story similar to the original series this fic is based on. The story of the book is about a 15-year-old boy named Ryoichi who is asked to record a baseball game by Tetsuya, one of the top players on their school's baseball team. He then goes with Tetsuya to the hospital and learns that he recorded this to show it to Naomi, a girl who is Tetsuya's childhood friend and who had surgery to remove cancer. Ryoichi develops a relationship with Naomi over time and eventually reveals that he's often had thoughts of suicide. Naomi proposed that if they find she has more cancer and has to go through another disfiguring surgery, that they commit a double suicide. Naomi actually does have more cancer, however Tetsuya has Ryoichi make a pact (named in the title) that they will continue to live on and carry on Naomi's memory if she dies, rather than kill themselves. The story ends in a tragedy for Naomi.
> 
> When Chloe proposed the idea to Beca, she was quoting the book and saying the exact line that Naomi says to Ryoichi.
> 
> PS: What Beca meant when she said she wasn't going to play Ravel… Ravel was a French composer. He was the composer behind Pavane pour une infant défunte (Pavane for a dead princess). Beca meant she wasn't going to play that piece for Chloe when she's gone because she didn't want her to just give up on life in any way. She wanted her to fight.
> 
> UPNEXT: Ugh… it's another tough chapter… I'll try to cut it shorter than I intended but I might not be able to update until next Sunday (it'll have a snowy rooftop scene to look forward to), so please bear patience with me… I'll still try to get it up by Wednesday though.


	17. Hand in Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca gears up for her competition, and Chloe tries to fight for her shot at living

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, here's chapter 17. We get a brief overview here with everyone (by everyone, I mean the main players in the story), but the longer POVs are Beca's.
> 
> Next chapter's gonna be a bit long and emotional. So get your Kleenex boxes ready! That said, I might not update until Tuesday to give me time to write 18, 19, and 20 and upload them back to back(Tu/W/Th). I don't want to leave you guys broken-hearted for too long.
> 
> This chapter takes the span of a month.
> 
> Also, still grab some Kleenex for this.

It was the unspoken rule.

Some kind of spell that just had taken over them all as they worked towards a goal. Beca was constantly practicing with the piano as she prepared for her competition, Jesse was giving it all for soccer practice, Amy and Cynthia Rose also seemed fired up both with school work and training. Aubrey herself was burning the midnight oil with all the studying she's been doing to keep her grades up.

Chloe, still in the hospital, was also doing her fair share of work, apparently she's starting physical therapy for something that Aubrey wasn't sure about. The only thing she knew was she was going through some rough times.

It was evident in the sadness in her eyes.

And evident in the way that Beca would endlessly practice, outdoing her ability to play to perfection, especially when she calls Chloe during her practice.

It was like all of them had this goal they needed to reach then, and the harder they worked on that goal the more they kept pushing each other. Inspiring each other.

Aubrey wasn't sure why, but she was certain that she was feeling sentimental about it.

It never crossed her mind how one person can leave such an impact on your life, and sometimes you don't even see it immediately.

But more than that, Aubrey could see just how much they all were working hard, no matter what cost they had to give up.

She only had to look at Beca, who was probably giving more of herself up in the process of chasing after her dreams, playing the piano to keep the music flowing.

To keep living.

Because music was what brought her to life despite hanging on such a delicate thread for some semblance of balance…

Even when her fragile heart was so scared to lose the person that conducts the symphony of her heart.

That's why Aubrey swore, she'll always be there no matter what.

For Beca.

And Chloe too.

Even if she had to endure the music that enthralls them too.

* * *

Amy found herself watching in awe as Beca practiced over and over again.

She was at Luke's then. Emily was watching just as engaged as Amy was. Avril too. Luke could only smile proudly at the progress that Beca has made.

But there was a fear in Amy.

A fear from whispered words she heard while visiting Chloe at the hospital just around the same time that Jessica and Ashley, two of Chloe's old friends, were visiting her too.

Apparently Chloe's having surgery.

What it was about, Amy wasn't sure.

She just knew that the thought of it made her anxious.

That's why she was there in the first place. To talk to Luke about it.

Amy found her golden opportunity while helping Luke make some snacks, asking him what a loss could mean to Beca now, her fears painting the worst pictures in her head. She wasn't there when Beca lost her mother, she didn't witness her desolation then, just the empty silent world that followed.

Still, from what she's heard from Aubrey and Jesse, it wasn't pretty.

And Amy was worried.

Luke smiled weakly. "Beca's strong. I know I could be wrong, and I'm betting against the world here, because history dictates Beca won't take it too well. But I'm also hoping that what she's learned this time can help her through it all. We're all scared of loss, and one day, no matter when that is, time will run out. So I'm hoping Beca understands, gone or not, music is what binds us to the people we love. If I am right and that's the case, then no matter what, Beca won't ever run away from it again." Luke replied.

And Amy nodded.

She was hoping Luke was right.

* * *

The sun was had set a few minutes ago as Beca left Luke's house, head in the clouds.

It was a weekend but she hasn't seen Chloe since the night before. She was planning to drop that morning but then Chloe called her to say she shouldn't swing by this weekend. To not even consider it anymore.

And here Beca thought everything was going well for once.

Or perhaps a bit too well?

Just the other day, Chloe's parent came up to her before leaving the hospital to thank her. "Chloe's heart had turned gray and you gave it color, so thank you Beca. Thank you for giving her hope." her mother had said.

Beca simply smiled then, wanting to tell them that she should be the one thanking Chloe.

_Because you were the one who brought color into my life first. You brought me back to life, if Iw as even living before._

So Beca was wracking her brains for what could it be. A part of her was worried sick, another trying to relive everything that happened during her visits this week.

Did she do something wrong?

Say something insensitive?

Did Chloe really want the last of the canalés that she insisted Beca to have instead?

Or was it because she spoke on the phone to Emily during her last visit to cancel practice with her?

But before Beca could drive herself insane, her phone rang.

And lo and behold, if it isn't Chloe Beale herself calling her.

"What do you want?" Beca replied grumpily, partly because she still felt bad for something she might've done that she wasn't sure of that Chloe might be upset about – and if that were the case, then she should just say something – and partly because she was half-expecting a lecture regarding music. Apparently Luke's been updating her with her progress and she was, admittedly, distracted during her lessons today.

"Oh, oh, Beca! I was just looking out the window and it's amazing! A plane's passing by and it looks like this shooting star!" Chloe excitedly replied over the phone.

And sure enough it was what Beca saw, as she looked up at the sky, a tiny red dot drawing an invisible line amidst the dark backdrop of the night.

"Amazing! It's flying low so you can really see it." Chloe then said in awe.

"Huh, yeah you're right." Beca found herself saying in response.

"Wait, you see it too?" Chloe then replied. She chuckled. "The sky really is connected, huh?"

"Is that all?" Beca asked sounding a bit amused.

"Yeah? Something wrong?" Chloe asked in response, sounding all innocent.

And Beca couldn't help but laugh.

"What?" Chloe pressed on.

_The plane crosses the sea of stars…_

"You told me not to come by anymore." Beca replied, as if that would be enough to explain the entire misunderstanding.

_And like a cat, you silently creep up on me._

And she could hear Chloe laugh on the other side of the line. "I meant, well, you had to practice. You had to cancel that one time to spend time with me and with the competition coming up, you really need to focus. And after that, you'll need to rest too. You must be exhausted." Chloe explained. "I never said anything about not calling."

Beca smiled to herself shaking her head as she heard Chloe's response.

Typical Chloe was being so typically her.

_She bombards me from an unexpected angle._

"That's it, I'm stopping by again." Beca then said, declaring her intentions.

_I'm dumbfounded, always following you…_

"Silly, I told you not to anymore. You need to rest."

_It's not about time…_

But no she wasn't going to let Chloe stop her.

_A lump of steel like a shooting star... Just seeing the same sky as you make familiar scenery look different…_

"I want to see you." Beca then declared, as she paused for a moment to wait for Chloe's response.

_I swing between hope and despair at your slight gesture._

And she had to admit, she felt nervous as she heard Chloe humming on the other side of the line as she made her decision.

_And my heart starts to play a melody._

"Sure." she chirruped in response.

_What kind of feeling is this again?_

_What do they call this kind of feeling?_

"I won't be a problem, would I?" Beca then asked, wanting to make sure she wasn't just imposing herself.

_I think it's probably called love._

"No, I would love it if you could come by." Chloe then replied in a soft tone, sending a flurry of butterflies loose in Beca's stomach.

_I'm sure it's what they call love…_

* * *

It was the day of the preliminary rounds for the piano competition. The biggest one that year, if Lilly were being honest. And things were going well for her.

But she most definitely was not expecting the way it had unfolded, starting with Beca Mitchell sitting on the floor of the backstage; a pack of egg sandwich in hand paired with a bottle of milk.

Then there yes met, and Lilly was expecting Beca to regard her as an enemy.

But then she offered the sandwich, went on a long complicated explanation on why it was the best egg sandwich in the world, and smiled.

Then Stacie came up, and Beca repeated the process.

Needless to say, it was the best backstage moment of Lilly's life.

The three of them had been competing against each other for years, but this was the first time that Lilly felt that they were actually friends.

Not just some random strangers that kept passing each other by.

* * *

Stacie was called to the waiting area, about to go on her turn. Lilly had just finished giving one hell of a performance, and Beca was set to go after three more performances. Stacie didn't have to guess how that one will go, she already knew that she'll see Beca in the finals.

All she had to do was remember the performance she gave with her sister.

And Stacie would be pissed, she'd still be annoyed, but lately, she's seeing the truth.

Beca was human too. Just like them, flesh and blood, with real human emotions, ones that she was finally starting to set free.

And Stacie would say that she'd still consider Beca her rival, her arch-nemesis in the world of classical music, while Lilly came a close second. But for the first time in her life, she's found that they weren't just familiar faces that they either had to acknowledge or ignore.

They could actually be friends.

Especially when Beca wished her the best just as she was called.

Needless to say, she was nervous.

But even the best of them get nervous.

And Stacie knew she was the best of them.

She wasn't going to just chase behind Beca anymore.

She was gonna go on her own path.

Starting with the moment before her.

* * *

It started almost too easily.

Maybe that's where the mistake was, the mistake that Jesse should have realized sooner.

It started with him insisting that he and Beca visit Chloe together, the two almost scheduling their visits on different times. Jesse undoubtedly thought that it was because Beca was still giving way for something that he could totally see wasn't really there.

But in a surprising twist of Fate, Beca said yes. No urging, no arguments, no bribery needed.

As they walked in silence, Beca stopped for a moment looking deep at thought. Jesse turned to face her, afraid that she might've changed her mind.

"Hey Jesse," Beca then said, "I really like Chloe."

And Jesse simply just smiled. He wanted a more in depth declaration along with that realization but knowing Beca, he knew that this was all he was going to get.

It was enough though, to let him know she'll stop giving way.

"Stupid, I already know that. About time you figured it out." Jesse replied with a huge grin on his face.

And that was how they found themselves in the hospital, with an unspoken understanding between them.

But things took a turn for the worst as they reached Chloe's floor. A medical team rushing into Chloe's room.

She started weakening. Jesse couldn't see much as they stood out by the doorway, the medical crew blocking the view while some nurses tried to get them out of there. But he did catch a glimpse… a glimpse of Chloe's hands spasm before completely falling to her side… a glimpse that Beca saw too, if her reaction was anything to go by.

Because Beca looked pretty much rattled to the core.

He decided that the best course of action was to take Beca home. And while Jesse did stick around, he was shut out of Beca's room as his best friend locked herself inside.

And all he could do was stand guard as she heard her cry herself to sleep.

Concerned, Jesse took to talking with Amy and Aubrey about things, but that wasn't easy either.

They have no idea what was happening.

But nothing looked too promising.

Aubrey looked like a mess after.

And Amy was taking it hard too.

It took nine days before Jesse visited the hospital again.

And yes, he did see Chloe.

But even then, he was just the messenger, the go-between.

Of two people who just couldn't get it together.

And slowly Jesse understood the picture, he understood the unspoken why's and how come's.

If only they all paid closer attention.

It's always, always in the smallest gestures, the smallest ways.

But now all he can do is pray it's not too late to get it right.

* * *

Ten days.

Beca's been absent from school for ten days.

She hasn't practiced at all for ten days.

And she hasn't eaten much for ten days.

But Luke barged into her home after getting a call from her dad who was still away, worried about Beca not answering his calls. And he quite literally barged in, broke down Beca's door and dragged her out.

Because she really couldn't let the darkness envelope her again.

Let the pain and misery take her away.

But that was easier said than done. Especially with how her heart was breaking to the tiniest bits and pieces.

So on the eleventh day after the incident at the hospital, Beca finally dragged herself to school, ate something, but still neglected the piano. The completion, her future at stake depending on how she does, all of it didn't matter to her in that moment.

But then she finds a note on her desk. It was on a familiar piece of stationary, the same one Chloe bought with her when they went shopping together.

And it said three simple words.

_I want canal_ _é_ _s_

Beca wasn't going to oblige but something deep inside her heart started gnawing at her for trying to ignore it.

So there she was, box of canalés in hand, on her way to the hospital, still completely at a loss.

At a loss for being a fool who wanted to hope.

"Hey," Chloe greeted softly as she entered her room. Beca felt herself getting choked up, seeing Chloe even paler tha n before, her movements lighter, and softer. "Sorry 'bout the ICU ordeal back there. I guess that scared lot, huh? They brought me back to my room the other day. Kinda disappointed only Jesse showed up. I was pushing myself too hard and all, guess my body couldn't take much of too much." she went rambling on, but Beca couldn't really focus much on what she was saying then, her mind still being bogged down by her fears.

So Chloe threw a pillow at her face. It didn't land so hard at all but still, it got Beca to snap back to reality.

"What are you doing?" she found herself asking, quite miffed at what Chloe did.

"Don't come see me and then hang around looking so gloomy! You're gonna make me sicker!" Chloe said, chastising her before her eyes landed on the box of treats Beca had with her. "Oh canalés! I wanna eat it outside!" she then chirruped.

"But it's too cold." Beca argued weakly. She wasn't really in the mood to argue, much less face Chloe this way.

"Please!" Chloe then said, smiling brightly at her.

And what could Beca do but cave?

So she picked up the box of canalés and carried Chloe on her back as they made their way to the rooftop where she made Chloe make her promise.

"Didn't know you were so strong." Chloe commented as they made their way up.

"To be honest, you could stand to eat more." Beca replied, because Chloe was light.

_Too light._

And the sorrow and fear started to turn into anger then.

Mostly at herself.

_A part of me was starting to feel well seeing she was out and okay… that she was so strong she could just end her illness packing… That this now would go on forever…_

Beca settled Chloe on the bench before her once they reached the rooftop, feeling the strength starting to sap away from her.

_But why… why do I feel this, like I'm drowning from within now?_

She wanted to hide back in her room then.

Because she couldn't face what could possibly happen.

_I'm such a moron._

Beca closed her eyes, trying her best not to cry in front of Chloe but when she opened them a tear couldn't help but escape.

And she sees Chloe smiling, looking at the heaven above as it started snowing. The soft white flecks gracefully caressing their skin as they both reached out to catch some snowflakes in their hands.

"Are you playing the piano?" she then heard Chloe ask.

_Why does she know me so well?_

"You didn't stop playing because of me now, did you?" she asked softly.

And Beca couldn't find the heart to answer for a while, not until she convinced herself that Chloe deserves proper words as a response. Beca looked away, feeling a bit ashamed about the truth of it. "No, I'm not."

"I knew it." Chloe then said and Beca wasn't sure if she hear sadness or disappointment or possibly even guilt in her tone. "You're feeling sorry for yourself."

"I just… I can't anymore…" Beca said, trying to argue Chloe's point.

_The people I care about always leave me,_ she thought, a truth she didn't have the strength to say out loud.

_The people I care about… music takes it away from me…_ she went on to think as she looked down on her own hands, tears starting to fill her vision.

_So I can have a soul I had to be broken…_

Because the thought of it was too much.

_So I can play with emotions… my heart now is breaking…_

And it was just too unbearable.

" _If I continue I'm going to be left all alone."_

"But you have me." Chloe immediately said in response.

Beca looked at her in surprise. She was sure she wasn't talking out loud and yet Chloe read her mind.

Or perhaps she did say it?

"But you have me. I'm going to have surgery, see." Chloe replied. "To get better."

"When?" Beca asked, her voice barely a whisper as the tears just didn't know how to stop.

"On the day of your competition." Chloe replied. "I'm going to struggle as hard as I can too. I'm gonna fight too." she went on to say before smiling weakly at Beca. "Didn't you ask me to get better? So I'm gonna struggle like there's no tomorrow."

Beca found herself falling on her knees as she heard Chloe's words. Letting her emotions take over. "See it's your fault… all your fault. Making me want to play with you again." she heard Beca then say. "The reason why I'm putting up such a struggle, fighting for the unseemly reason of living – she starts to get emotional – it's your fault."

Beca wanted to say something, but the words wouldn't come. All she could do was stare down on the ground, because she couldn't, she simply couldn't say anything when she was feeling at a loss for it all. "You gave me this desire to cling on to the time I spend with you."

She felt raw, vulnerable.

All as she fought back the tears and failed spectacularly so.

Because Chloe's words rang true.

All of it did.

Because that's why she fought.

Why she struggled.

It's what gave her the strength to face her fears, the ones that she let consume her life.

All to spend time with Chloe.

To share a scenery with her…

…and to hold onto that.

…for as long as Beca could.

"Aren't you going to struggle too? We're so good at struggling." Chloe then said and Beca couldn't help but chuckle at the memory of all the times Chloe had to push her walls down, pull her into the light, embrace the pain she felt and use that to power through.

Turn that into something far more beautiful than the jagged scars hidden deep within her skin.

"We risk our lives to struggle, remember? Because we're musicians" Chloe went on.

And Beca couldn't help but start getting emotional, shaking a little. "But…" she started to say as she kept the feelings she kept buried deep inside her at bay, afraid they might just all come tumbling out. "I can't now, I haven't touched the piano for days."

"Same as when you were my accompanist." Chloe countered, reminding her of what started this all. Of how they came upon this little predicament of theirs.

"But I still played for my part-time job, small things. They counted. I've given it all up." Beca argued, not wishing Chloe would just let her go.

_Because how does she do it? I should be offering hope, so why is she still the one piecing me back? Why am I such a mess?_

"Being able to play in this state would be a miracle." Beca admitted.

Because she couldn't even begin to predict what mental state she would be in when she graces the stage again.

"You're looking down again." Was Chloe's simple response.

And then Beca could see Chloe struggle as she pushed herself up. She started playing some imaginary violin, humming, until Beca could hear her actual playing. It was a gorgeous sight that enchanted her under the snow, the flakes suspending in air for just that briefest of moments that Beca could almost imagine some ice sculpted violin actually forming in Chloe's hands.

She looked so at peace, so serene.

Her angel of hope.

"See?" Chloe then said, her feet shaking as she struggled to stay up. "Miracles can happen just like that." she went on saying, a noticeable quiver in her voice.

Beca looked up, her stormy blue eyes meeting Chloe's own. She could see the tears threatening to fall from those ocean blue eyes as well as Chloe gave her a pleading look.

A look that silently wished she wouldn't just give then.

Because otherwise she might give up as well.

All before Chloe collapsed into Beca's arms. She felt Chloe cling onto her for dear life, burying her face on the crook of her neck as she pulled Beca into a tight embrace.

"You exists inside of me Beca Mitchell." she heard Chloe whisper just as the sobs started taking over

And Beca could feel the feelings she thought Chloe had quelled for a brief moment starting to stir up again.

"You like egg sandwiches, you love to drink milk even though it doesn't help you much with your height…" Chloe went on, her voice just a gentle whisper as she continued to sob. "What else do you like? What are your favorite insects? Fireflies? What kind of stuff do you collect? What shows do you watch?" she asked, her voice almost pleading as Beca could hear the desperation in Chloe's tone.  
"There's so much I don't know. So much I want to know. I envy Aubrey for knowing everything..."

Beca didn't know what to say. So instead she just pulled Chloe closer into her own embrace, not wanting to let go.

Because there was so much that she still didn't know about Chloe too.

And she wanted to keep knowing her, learning things about her.

"I want to know as many things about you…" Chloe said as her grip tightened around Beca. "I'm scared Beca… I'm so scared… don't leave me all alone…" she went on, her voice almost inaudible.

Silent tears trailed down Beca's cheeks as she clung onto Chloe for dear life as well. She wanted to feel her warmth, she memorized her scent… she wanted more, so much more…

_It's just too unfair…_

…so unfair to always yearn for her…

…and unbearable to have her be apart…

…whether or not her heart was Beca's.

Because Beca knew, her heart was hers from that fateful day that they met.

And then it hits her, all the things Jesse said, all the moment she let slip by because she never could see past her glum world before.

Because she thought she could never deserve it.

And now she was ready to bargain for it.

Because he was right.

_I'm an idiot…_

* * *

Chloe was clutching onto the pen in her hand as she stared out the window. It felt weird, funny, the thought of writing a letter to someone who was minutes ago in the same room as her.

But it had to be done.

The sun was setting outside, casting a faint orange glow in the sky, and Chloe had to admit it was one of the more beautiful sunsets she's ever seen despite the sun hiding behind the clouds as it gave way to the night.

In a way it actually perfect, somber.

She didn't want to word vomit, and she most definitely didn't want to just spill everything to Beca in her fragile and emotional state. She decided, while the two talked about the most mundane things in the world, sharing the box of canalés Beca bought – technically, Chloe had one and Beca had one too, the two of them couldn't really eat – that she would tell Beca everything.

And by everything, Chloe meant the truth of everything.

The only problem was that her surgery was up around the corner, and Beca needed to get herself together before the competition… all in a day and a half's worth of time.

Which meant that Chloe could only say what she wanted to say after the surgery, after the contest.

And Chloe most definitely did not know what was going to happen then.

"As I've said before, it's extremely dangerous, and understand even if it's all successful…" the doctor had said to her, with her parents in the room, after Chloe approached him wanting to know her options, after deciding that she didn't want to just wait for everything to stop, that she wanted to chase as much of the life that she still had left thanks to a certain little promise a certain little pianist made her give.

"Yes, I understand I think." Chloe had given as a reply. "We've talked about this and I'm up for it. I want to have it the surgery."

"Chloe," the doctor had tried to reason with her, wanting to make sure she truly does fully understand what it meant to have it.

And Chloe could only remember the emotions welling up inside of her then as she spoke to him, the same emotions welling up inside of her now as she held that pen in her hand.

"Even if it gives me only a little more time, even if there's only the slightest hope, I'm willing to cling to anything." she had said, cutting the doctor off. "There was a girl I met in April…. I cried and struggled a lot but on stage I shone like a star. I promised that girl to play together again, that's why I want to struggle no matter how unseemly it is. Because I'm one of them too… if I give up now, I can never face my parents and her again. Because it's my life if I give up now if I choose to just feel sorry for myself and not do anything. Not fight."

Chloe closes her eyes, gripping the pen in her hand tightly as she took in a deep breath to calm herself down.

_This is gonna be harder than I thought…_

Chloe looked out the window one last time as she opened her eyes. The wintry scene had its own charm despite the cold and chilly weather it brings.

And fall did have its multitude of colors too. With the falling of the leaves, the red, the yellow, the brown, and orange palettes.

While summer was filled with bright, long, glorious days. With fireflies in a field of green grass and flowers all around.

And fireworks, and swimming pools reflecting the lights above.

But spring…

…Chloe wanted to see it again.

Because Beca wasn't the only one who met some girl in spring, under the soft petals of the cherry blossom tree.

She wanted to live through spring again.

And this time with a bit more honesty.

A bit more life and color.

So Chloe took a deep breath, held the pen in her hand properly, and started filling the empty page before her with words upon words of the truth she kept locked up inside of her.

All starting with a simple line.

_**Dear Beca Mitchell,** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I was crying during this episode of the OG series and the next few ones. It just hits you, you know? BTW, Chloe's POV was not part of the series, but I figured, if it was, that it would be similar, you know?
> 
> Now, would you believe me if I told you the next chapter is gonna be more emotional than this? Because it's 11 pm where I'm at as I upload this, a long day done and a long day ahead of me, and I'm a sobbing mess…
> 
> PS: We'll find out the 'lie' in April on chapter 19… there's a letter too (the one Chloe's starting to right)!
> 
> UPNEXT: Beca gives one hell of a performance; Chloe has her surgery
> 
> PPS: please put your torches and pitchforks away at the end of 18 and wait for 19… I'll try to get it up as fast as I can, I promise!


	18. The Heart in the Notes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grab your tissue box (like a dozen maybe) folks, this may be the most emotional chapter yet, mostly because of all the mix of emotions running through the characters, and well… something while Beca's playing… T.T
> 
> This one's a bumpy emotional ride. That said, the piece Beca plays is Chopin's Ballade No. 1 in G minor Op. 23. It's become one of my favorite pieces since the anime. Give it a listen to as you read the chapter (when Beca starts playing), I promise you won't regret it. My personal fave is Krystian Zimerman's take on it (it's on YouTube) but the anime version is also pretty spectacular!
> 
> Thanks for all the support so far and all the comments and reviews! They might not seem much but they do keep me going!

Luke wasn't sure what to expect.

A few days ago she had to drag Beca out of their house after what he would consider a breakdown due to Chloe going critical.

In a way Chloe's return to some kind of normal state had brought Beca some semblance of sanity.

Or so Luke had hoped.

But her surgery was still a constant obsession haunting Beca's mind as she went through the motions of her life the last day and a half.

"I can't. I can't do this anymore." he could still remember Beca cry out the day he had to drag her out.

"Why does it always end up this way?" she asked him with such desperation in her tone.

And while things did improve since then, somewhat, Beca still didn't have the strength to touch the piano.

She was still lifeless.

And even when she got dressed, got ready, and said nothing, the silence screamed out so loudly at him, echoing Beca's thoughts perfectly.

"All I all I ever wanted was to play the piano and make my mom feel better, that's all." Beca had cried out once when she was little, in pain and hurt.

"All I did was fall in love." Beca had heartbreakingly whispered almost two weeks ago.

"Why... Why does it have to end up this way?" she had asked him then too.

"I can't go on." Beca had said, sounding so frail and small, "No more. I can't try anymore."

Luke was so completely at a loss with what to do then. He just held her as she cried.

And while Beca was more intact than close to two weeks ago, he could tell she was still torn.

She was trying, but still torn.

Still emotionally fragile, but fighting when she stepped out that morning ready to face the competition.

Or at least, as ready as she could be.

At that moment, Luke wasn't sure if he wanted to thank Chloe or blame her for all this.

Because now, Beca was in the same state she was many years ago during that recital when she broke down.

And if the same thing happens again, if she stops playing, then her career as a pianist was over.

* * *

It was snowing, gray skies all around, and Beca felt both sick and nervous. Lilly kept shaking her a bit, checking if she's okay, trying to get her attention while she was all huddled up on the floor, her knees drawn to her chest, her head hidden by her arms resting on her knees.

"Do you have any idea what's going on with her?" Stacie asked sounding incredibly concerned. She could sense Lilly whisper something but Beca couldn't understand what it was.

Still, she didn't budge.

She only did when she was finally called to get ready.

"Mitchell, you're turns coming up." the stage hand called out. 'Please proceed to the waiting area."

"Hey, you sure you should go? You look like you're gonna be sick." Stacie then noted as Beca stood up still feeling torn and defeated.

But she shrugs her off, talking one step after another as she willed herself to go on.

"Sorry but I have to play." Beca replied, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes.

_Because I'm… I'm a pianist…_

Yes. She had to play no matter what.

_Because I promised…_

* * *

"Breathe in gently, okay?" the doctor said through his mask as they got Chloe ready for her surgery.

Chloe's eyes felt heavy as she laid on a table, under the bright lights above her. Her thoughts still lingering on her last conversation with Beca about a day and a half ago.

"I want to see spring with you…" she had said, trying to hide her tears.

And Chloe smiled, crying a little as they said goodbye. A part of her had wanted to say it once again.

Tell the her everything.

But she held back. She wanted to hold onto something for later.

She wanted to believe she could say it to her face later.

After the storm had passed.

So, she watched Beca leave before reaching out for her pen and stationary, writing Beca a letter of all the words she was afraid she might never get the chance to say.

Now as she closed her eyes, it was all that she could think about.

Beca was all she could think about.

And that field of flowers, that image of spring that a five-year-old Beca had given her too once upon a time.

Listening to her play for the first time.

* * *

Amy felt like she was about to have a heart attack at any given moment with the way her heart had been pounding in her chest Aubrey was feeling sick herself, literally and figuratively because she just had to go catch a cold at that moment, while Jesse was all kinds of nervous too. All of them in a highly emotional state because they just heard of Chloe's surgery the day before from Chloe herself after a morning visit, the last time they were allowed to see her.

And then Beca had to approach the stage, dragging her feet as if she was bound and shackled to heavy a heavy weight she couldn't carry any longer. Minutes before she could hear the chatter among the audience about the transformed genius who amazed everyone during the preliminary round by her sudden return to form, or perhaps even better.

But everyone grew silent when they say Beca.

Beca who looked like death as she approached the piano.

Amy was extremely worried. Beca was pretty much inconsolable after her last talk with Chloe, highly emotional and distressed, frustrated about almost giving up the piano. She was still clearly processing a lot of her emotions then, trying so hard to fulfill a promise even after practically giving it all up. Now, well, Beca looked like she was about to have a breakdown and Amy was all but ready to jump down the seats and onto the stage if she did. She could tell Jesse and Aubrey were ready to do the same as Beca simply stared at her hands.

But then Aubrey sneezed, a very loud sneeze that echoed throughout the auditorium that practically everyone turned to look at their direction.

Even Beca.

Beca all but jolts up as Aubrey tried to hide by slinking down her seat and all Amy could do was act like she didn't know Aubrey after that impossibly mortifying experience. Jesse too.

But for some reason that seemed to be what Beca needed then.

Because then it looked like something clicked in her head.

And breathed life back into her.

* * *

"Alright, her pulse is stable. We're going to begin the surgery now…" one of the lead surgeon said as they started the delicate procedure to save Chloe Beale's life.

Everything was quiet in the theater. A dream was hanging in the balance, a young girl's life tied to it.

Now, masterfully, precise hands began to do their work using instruments they only knew too well.

And the constant rhythm of a calm but brave heart reminded the surgical team what this fight was all for.

* * *

The keys looked daunting once more as the color seemed to be draining. They were all Beca could see as she approached the stage.

Everything around her felt so lifeless.

Like she was at the bottom of the sea.

It was a world of gray, with the waters threatening to crash into her, force the air out of her lungs.

The only thing remaining was a few splotches of color left by the echoing words Chloe left her with during all those times she had doubted herself.

" _ **Life without music isn't living for musicians like us…"**_

She could hear Chloe say trying to pull her out of her sad reverie.

" _ **Hit reset if you forget it all and start again."**_

She had said as she encouraged her not to give up.

" _ **You're looking down again…"**_ she could her Chloe say as she did look down on her hands again, stopping herself from clutching her head in frustration of how everything she worked hard to accomplish this past year seemed to be slipping away.

Because everything she ever held in her hands seemed to keep slipping away.

But then something unexpected happened.

Beca heard a sneeze, drawing her attention out of her depressing reverie.

That's when she realized that she wasn't at the bottom of an ocean.

_I see everybody's watching me… everyone…_

Beca looked up, snapping her attention to the audience, trying to search for the source of the sound. She found Aubrey slinking back in her seat and Beca almost couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her then. She saw the familiar faces of her friends in the crowd, of Amy and Jesse leaning away from Aubrey, pretending they don't know her after that incredibly loud sneeze, of Cynthia Rose practically biting her nails in anticipation, of Emily who had a mix of hopeful look and fearful anxiety shining in her eyes, of Luke who was simply intently watching as Avril stared back at Beca on stage expectantly.

Of Lilly's and Stacie's mentors, people who she's seen before but names she couldn't remember.

Even Chloe's two old friends, Jessica and Ashley, waited in baited breath on what she was going to do next.

That was when Beca realized a simple truth she should have known by now.

_I'm not alone…_

Beca smiled to herself, her eyes resting on the spot where Chloe would be if they're given one more chance to play together, the spot where she once stood before.

She could remember the look on Chloe's face that day when she had given up on stage as she played with her as her accompanist.

The gentle smile on her face then was enough to move Beca, make her push her limits and try.

" _ **Again?"**_

Beca looked up, the lights shining above her, remembering the smile on Chloe's face as she excitedly said that the stars were shining on her during her other epic mess of a performance. The one she got to witness live from the audience a few months ago.

Beca took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She cleared her thoughts of everything else but those sweet summer days with Chloe. When she opened them again, she set her eyes on the keys and smiled as her fingers gently graze the smooth surface of the keys, getting into position.

Her thoughts zone in on everything about Chloe, wanting to pouring all her emotions in the piece. Everything she made her feel.

She wanted to paint a picture, let everyone know what she sees every time she played music.

Every time she thought back to those days that Chloe started to pulled her back into music.

She wanted them to see how much a certain girl meant to her. She wanted to make sure she got to live in their hearts, to make them feel what she felt the moment Chloe had started breathing life to her again.

Yes, this girl who wouldn't give up on her…

_I wonder if I can reach_ _**you** _ _…?_

* * *

Lilly and Stacie were technically breaking the rules but they were too worried about Beca's current state and her ability to perform then, so they followed her in the wings of the call area and decided to watch from that side of the stage.

For moment or two, Lilly was worried she would have another breakdown. Stacie was even antsier wondering if the pressures of her sudden return was finally catching up to her.

But then, Beca's fingers touched the keys, and…

…and out came a sound like no other, if the goosebumps on Lilly's skin were an indication of anything.

_This… this isn't just_ _**pesante** _ _, it sounds so deep, unhurried…_

Lilly closed her eyes, the sound of Beca's music filling the empty space of the theater, reverberating with every note right from the very start.

_Chopin's Ballade No 1 in G Minor Op 23_

Lilly knew, she's heard the piece many times, but never once did it sound like this.

_Like a whisper_

_Like a show of affection so gentle_

It was the sound of Chopin's ballade emanating so sorrowfully, melancholically, as words that had no form become notes. As the emotions those words failed to encompass blossomed right in the heart of anyone who could hear it.

Music that is just simply so powerful that as Lilly opened her eyes, she couldn't help but cry, seeing a picture of cherry blossoms started to slowly appear and fill her vision, surrounding Beca as the falling petals surrounded her, enveloping her in such a colorful embrace.

And the vision of newly blossoming petals replacing the old evoking an emotion of an awakening love…

Of a reminiscent scene of a moment where one bursts into life as a warmth breaks through the cold dreary mundane days of our lives.

This was her rival now.

This was Beca's music now.

And Lilly couldn't help but wonder who it was, the person that evoked such a powerful emotion inside of her.

She was someone she would really like to thank someday.

* * *

Beca smiled weakly as she slowly let all her feelings pour out right from her fingertips.

But she played, she played no matter what and everything she's got, overcome by emotions she tried to forget, feelings she tried to burry, in the hopes that it could reach her.

She could imagine Jesse grinning at her, "Thinking of a girl you like, huh?" he would ask.

_You bet I was_

Luke's chuckle as she regards her with such understanding with all of her insecurities and fear. "For now just play from the heart." he would encourage.

_Inside my heart it's all chaos. I'm afraid of what might come next._

But then Beca could imagine Emily shaking her head at her and with a smile note "It's so clichéd, you're such a cliché."

_It's not all bad you know_

And Aubrey reminding her that she's done her due diligence by masking it as a complaint. "Oh come on, you've done nothing but play the piano."

_Can't help that. I'm not good with words remember?_

Beca chuckled sadly as she let her emotions overcome her, take a life of their own.

She finally understood she wasn't alone.

And she regretted not having realized that sooner.

_Everybody's watching._

_But they don't know the reason I'm here now is because I had you._

She couldn't mess up now. Because her friends believed in her.

Because she has a promise she needed to keep.

_The people who played a part in my life…_

Because all their work, their love, their understanding, it had to mean something. It was all for  _something._  For Beca to wake up from her nightmares, for Beca to live in the light again.

For Beca to truly understand what that meant.

Life, love, all of it.

And Beca appreciated it all.

_The people who made my life fuller…_

She was there because of them.

Because they shaped her life, added color to it. They witnessed her highs and lows.

_I can't let them down._

And they stuck through it all with her.

_I can't let_ _**you** _ _down._

If not, waited for her to return.

She was thankful for it all.

"Here, we're musicians so everything's gotta be expressed in music, right?" she could imagine Stacie asking her, challenging her.

_Right Conrad. You're absolutely right._

Beca relaxed a little bit, embracing the bit of freedom filling her in. Letting it all go, letting all the things she's bottled up go, it made her feel like she's about to soar and stuff.

" _ **Even if we're sad or a total mess, even if we hit rock bottom, we've still got to play."**_  she remembered Chloe telling her once

_Do you think I can do it?_

" _ **No worries. No worries, we'll figure it out."**_  Chloe had said cheerfully that time Beca expressed her concern. And she said wit not a care in the world.  _ **"Because we rule!"**_

_Play. Play. That's who I am…_

_That's how I'll live my life…_

Beca played, she continued to play with freedom and love and everything she's got.

With all the music deep inside of her.

_Because I'm a pianist, a musician…_

_Just like you._

Beca lets the music she played take over all of her senses, imagining Chloe in the snow playing her make believe violin. The memory made her heart ache, from the paleness of her skin, almost as translucent as the snow. But the way she had swayed as she played music with all the passion in her heart and with every bit of life inside of her… it moved Beca even more, sparking a fire inside of her to melt away the snow, and to transform the falling flakes into cherry blossom petals.

_I'm a musician after all!_

* * *

The beeping noise came faster and faster as the shuffling about of footsteps rushing to get the right equipment can be heard.

The silence disappears as they hit a crucial moment.

Not exactly something unprecedented.

But something they hoped to avoid.

Some kind of crescendo.

They had to be alert.

Awake.

All senses focused on that one singular moment.

As the music that comes with saving a life becomes the one sound they all could hear.

* * *

It was a remarkably rich sound.

So full, so bold.

So enchanting with every key she hit and with every note she played.

Chopin's piece, it wasn't his anymore, it was Beca's.

Entirely Beca's despite playing it at the right tempo, with perfect precision and accuracy.

And yet it was suffused with such rich emotions that it left Stacie speechless.

_Amazing…_

Stacie tried to fight back the tears, her eyes simply on Beca.

_Your life… Your music…_

Stacie stood in awe as she could practically see spring breaking through the cold of winter, cherry blossom petals showering Beca on stage

_It's taken all this color…_

The imagery all painted with her notes and the sound flowing out of her.

Stacie couldn't help but feel the emotions she infused with every bit of music she produced, chuckling at the thought of it, of her witnessing such great talent dazzle the crowd… dazzle the world…

_You're really are on a whole different level from us._

_Your performance bursting with color and life… we're no match._

She wiped away the tears that wouldn't stop coming all because of just how damn beautiful Beca played.

_And yet…_

She could feel it, the sadness behind them. Almost like the music was meant to be a reminiscence of a mix of bittersweet memories.

_Why is it infused with such mournful desires?_

Such bittersweet sound that rattled anyone's cages, moved them, and broke down the walls their own emotions and feelings hid behind.

_Tell me, what's that all about Mitchell?_

* * *

Beca closed her eyes as she imagined playing the piece with Chloe, surrounded by the vision of spring in her mind. She wished she could hear her play the violin with her again. This piece, any piece.

And when she opened her eyes, she could make out a vision of Chloe standing there with her, playing the piece as Beca could imagine her do.

 _Everyone's watching… the people who called me back to the stage… I can't let them down…_ Beca thought to herself.

And she couldn't help but think how Chloe had been her lifeline to music.

How she brought her back the sound in her silence.

_This is the sound my mother gave me._

The music that slumbered deep within.

_The sound Jesse made me notice._

The notes that started to wake since she met Chloe.

_The sound that Aubrey found for me._

The tempo, the rhythm, the pulse that made her alive.

_The sound born out of my battles with Stacie and Lilly._

The cadence, the beauty, the symphony that dared her to dream.

_The sound that Emily and I created together._

The song of memories she cherished but had buried.

_The sound that Luke made me remember._

That made her choke up a little as she played, as she finally set it free.

The sound of her soul.

The music of her heart.

_Yes… it's just like you said… if I listen closely I'm overflowing with so many sounds._

Bikes running downhill as they rushed in the last minute for a shaky performance. The sound of fireworks in the summer's sky during a festival, or fireflies buzzing about as they illuminated a field.

Baseball bats sending balls flying towards her direction, windows crashing because of it. Doors being abruptly open as she was dragged outside the shadows of her home and into a bright sunny day.

The slight waves the water made, crashing gently on their chest as they splashed about after taking a leap, daring to jump.

The swing in the playground, the bell of the door attached to the entrance of a café with a piano.

The sound of a girl who was excited about everything in life.

 _I'm not alone._ Beca repeated to herself.

_From the moment you meet someone none of us can never be alone._

_We're all connected._

Beca started to hit what possibly was her favorite part of the piece. She picks up the pace as she hit the crescendo.

As the spring gave way to summer, and they chased the sunny days for the colors of fall.

Until winter comes with its cold breeze, its promises, and its pleas.

" _ **Don't leave me alone."**_  She could remember Chloe speaking softly as she asked her.

_Stupid, you have me. You'll always have me._

It was true. Whatever Chloe asked, no matter how ridiculous, Beca just couldn't say no to.

Because she'd do anything to see her smile.

_Like I'll always have you._

And just the same, Beca knew that Chloe would always be with her.

Because she did, she reached her through and through.

Captivating her with her music.

Leaving memories that would last forever.

_Inside me… you exists…_

With a moment that forever imprinted in Beca's memory, no matter how imperfect it was.

Beca felt a jolt all of a sudden, and as if under a spell, she can't stop playing even if she dared to stop – not that she would. The music inside her overflowing, never ceasing to stop as it made its way out of her.

Music suffused with her heart and soul.

She noticed the bright lights on stage, the scent of cherry blossoms filling her sense as the image of spring the music evoked never looked so real and bright and colorful than ever before as it did that moment. There was a twitch in her heart as she thought of Chloe, as her eyes gazed upon the place on the stage where she would have been standing if she had been playing with her.

_You and I…_

Beca starts a slower pace as she hit the more sentimental parts of the piece she was playing.

There, under the bright lights of the stage, she could see a light silhouette of a girl swaying lightly as if the music her violin produced had overtaken her completely.

Tears started to stream down Beca's eyes as she carried on, the image of Chloe playing along with her completely filling her vision. In a blink of an eye, the cherry blossom petals had transformed into snowflakes falling from gray skies, and the sound of Chloe's violin perfectly mixed with her notes.

_Please… please no…_

Beca's eyes swelled with more tears as they streamed down her cheeks. She wanted to stop. She wanted to just stand up, bolt, run towards the direction of the hospital.

She wanted to hold Chloe's hand, even if it meant that she would be barging into the operation room.

And she wanted to hold her, hear her voice and see her smile… more than what the ethereal vision of her could give Beca.

No matter how real it seemed.

She had wanted to tell her, what she meant to her, along with all the words she chose not to say.

And she would in that moment, even if it meant it would be her talking to an unconscious Chloe.

But Beca knew she could never stop.

Not now, not ever.

Because if she does, then it severs their tie.

Music connected her to all the people she loved.

Music connected her to Chloe… and it always will…

So Beca chose to continue, soldier on without anyone knowing any better. She decided to put all her heart and soul with every single note, let the music speak the words she never said, she hasn't said, she hoped she could still say.

Beca could hear Chloe's words again, the ones she whispered as she carried her down back into her hospital room the day she visited last.

" _ **Thank you"**_  it echoed in her mind.

_No, stupid… I should be thanking you…_

The tears kept coming as the symphony that was Chloe's violin along with Beca's piano filled her senses completely.

 _Please… Reach_ _ **her**_ _… Please let it reach_ _ **you**_ …

Beca was giving her all, bearing her soul for the world to witness and hear.

_Please… please don't go._

She didn't care anymore about the rigid styles the discipline required to play as it was intended, no.

She would make this piece hers.

Hers and Chloe's.

This was her last plea.

Her last chance.

_Pester me with canal_ _é_ _s again!_

She was fighting for herself.

_Call me to kill time again!_

And she wanted Chloe to fight as well.

_I don't care if I'm just Friend A. Don't go._

Because this, the sound she made now, this was the sound Chloe had given her when she chipped away at her loneliness.

_Just please don't go!_

When she broke through the sadness of her world.

_Don't leave me behind!_

So she decided to play it with the same freedom that Chloe would play her violin.

And let the piano do the talking.

Because in that moment, to Beca, the rest of the world had disappeared.

It was just her and Chloe.

She was hitting the tail end of the piece, and the sounds of Chloe's violin had softened until it was gone.

The snow had burst into a wondrous color of light in Beca's eyes before she closed them. She continued to play with such unparalleled passion. She could see Chloe smiling at her as she did, giving her such a bittersweet feeling in her heart.

She chased the notes, she filled it with all she's got, all that she wanted to shout out for Chloe to hear as she the overwhelming sensation of feeling everything Chloe made her feel with every fiber of her body.

She still refused to play Ravel.

And she won't be playing her a swan song.

But she wanted Chloe to listen.

To hear only her.

To feel only her notes.

To have that one moment she will always chase.

Until the finally have that and more.

Because Beca refused to believe that it won't ever come again.

As she finished, Beca stayed silent, looking up at the lights above her, the tears continued to stream down her face.

She was back on the stage, in an old dusty auditorium that had once felt so empty and distant to her but now held such wondrous sights and visions and memories.

A well of emotion had hit her as she stroked the last key, her thoughts still – and will always be – lingering on Chloe.

_Did_ _**you** _ _hear it?_

She could still imagine her smiling face, the same one she gave after their terrible performance together on the very same stage. The same time she kept thanking Beca when Beca knew she shouldn't have been thanking her at all.

_Tell me?_

And all she could think of were the words that Chloe uttered then. If their music reached  _them_ , if they'll live in the hearts of other people forever.

Because Beca knew she would.

She will forever.

Beca had almost forgotten she was on a stage in front of a live audience once more. It only registered to her that she was in a piano competition again when the crowd suddenly erupted in thunderous applause and cries of admiration.

But Beca couldn't care any less for the competition as she finally let the emotions she held at bay completely overwhelm her, her head in her hands almost immediately as the applause started as she herself broke down and cried.

She only cared about one thing at the moment.

That one lingering thought that won't leave her.

That one memory she would hold in her hear forever.

The one she was so scared to lose.

Chloe.

_Did it reach_ _**you** _ _?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you reached the end of chapter notes without a single tear in your eye then I'm quite astounded… I was crying while writing this (you can easily guess which part made me ball like a baby the most)…
> 
> …that said, keep the Kleenex, more tears next chapter!
> 
> Next chapter is me deviating from anime events :)
> 
> PS: Pesante is a Latin term for 'heavy and ponderous'
> 
> UPNEXT: A very emotional letter! A truth regarding a lie told in April! And a chance not in the OG series… I mean, I did promise I'll write my own ending ;)


	19. The One Lie She Told

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca reads a letter from Chloe...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH, this chapter… I've been going back and forth on how I wanted to do it. But now, well, I hope I wrote a good enough journey to this update.

The snow hasn't completely disappeared on the streets but it had started to melt. Beca leaned on the small space that was the window sill, feeling a bit of warmth on her skin.

She looked down at the piece of stationary in her hand, a letter she had found three days ago as she rushed towards the hospital immediately after her performance. Stacie chastised her for running again, Lilly said nothing, but Emily explained after the two chased after her and they bumped into the younger girl.

Chloe was all that occupied Beca's mind then.

Truthfully, she was all that she could think of the last three days.

For some stupid reason, she rushed straight into Chloe's room. She figured it was because she wasn't thinking clearly then.

That's how she found the letter left on the over bed table, with Chloe's hand writing, her name on it.

Curiosity got the best of her, so she started to read it then, trembling hands opening the envelope.

Beca was unsure of what she would find.

_**Dear Beca Mitchell,** _

_**It feels weird writing a letter to someone you were just here. But I guess that can't be helped.** _

_**You're a mess, you know that? Meek. Quitter. Neurotic.** _

_**Awful. Slowpoke. Dummy.** _

_**The first time I ever say you perform, I was five. It was at a recital for the piano school I was going to back then. This awkward, clumsy kid marched out onto the stage and accidentally hit the piano bench with her butt as she moved around it, knocking over the seat. It was too funny, you had us all laughing by then. Then, she turned to the giant piano, definitely way too big for her, and then her fingers stroke the keys…** _

_**With that first note you played, I was drawn in.** _

_**The sound was so beautiful. The world became more colorful, like a 24-colour palette, and the melodies started to dance.** _

Beca smiled as she re-read the letter, having nothing better to do but wait.

She remembers that day quite vividly. That was her first performance ever.

She had been so nervous the entire time, all she wanted to do was play the piece well, make her mom proud.

She didn't even know that Chloe would be in that crowd.

She didn't know that would be the first time the redhead ever heard her play.

The first time she would end up reaching her with her music.

_**When it was over you, you looked so happy and proud of yourself and said "I did it!" before clasping your mouth with your hands. Everyone heard it, but no one laughed. We were still all entranced by your performance, moved in ways never before.** _

_**The girl next to me started crying. I wasn't expecting that at all.** _

Beca chuckled at the memory of her younger self, excited about the new journey she was on.

Even then, Beca already knew she would go on a journey.

All without even understanding what that meant then.

But her journey was in haste because of tragic circumstances.

And when she fell it was hard and painful.

Beca didn't know if she would be strong enough to stand again.

_**And even so, you gave up the piano.** _

_**You're the worst. Even though it totally changed other people's lives, you went on like you never played in the first place. Hearing you that day changed my life. That's a fact. Now, what do you think of that?** _

_**I switched because of you. Right then and there. No regrets.** _

Beca shook her head. She still couldn't believe that Chloe would make what turned out to be such a life changing decision just after hearing Beca play.

She remembered the story Chloe's parent's told her about that moment a few days ago, when she asked if it was true.

She could imagine the undoubtedly fierce five year old redhead wonder express in all her excitement how she was going to be a violinist one day.

All so that Beca could play the piano for her.

_**All because of a stupid little dream of playing a symphony with you.** _

It wasn't the most perfect circumstance then, but Beca was still glad that somehow, five year old Chloe got her wish.

_**Did you know when you disappeared from the stage, it felt like I lost my dream? Like I lost my chance?** _

_**I kept playing hoping one day it will reach you.** _

_**Then I found you.** _

_**When I found out we were at the same high school, I was thrilled! How was I actually supposed to meet you though? How would I ever come to talk to you? Maybe I'd hang out at the cafeteria at lunch, buy egg sandwiches until you noticed me? That didn't happen though. You had friends, a tightknit bunch, and I was some stranger. It wasn't my place to barge in, so I didn't. Instead, I just watched you from afar.** _

_**There wasn't really any space for someone like me.** _

_**I had to have an operation as a little kid. I've never been totally well. After a bad fall in seventh grade, I was in the hospital a bunch. With every visit, I stayed longer and longer. I was hardly ever at school by then. Nobody ever said how sick I was exactly, but I knew it was bad. I knew there was something wrong with my body.** _

_**Then one night, I saw both my mom and dad crying down in the lounge after they had thought I was sleeping. That's when I knew that I was running out of time.** _

It always broke Beca's heart when she got to that part no matter how many times she's read the letter – and she's read and re-read it a good dozen times now.

Because the thought of it was just too tragic and painful to bare.

And it made her wonder life's own mystery's that way.

If Chloe was always meant to hear Beca's music when she was five so that she could go on the path that she's found herself in. To find some purpose with the violin, reach people, inspire them, move them.

And break through their dreary and melancholic days like she did with Beca.

That Beca unwittingly inspired Chloe so she could, in a way, save her life in return.

By helping her find her way back to the piano.

And in the end, Beca would repay the gratitude by giving Chloe hope, something worth fighting for no matter the odds.

Somewhere in the middle, they also got the chance to inspire others, push them, and help sculpt who they were.

So in return they could do the same.

They really were all connected through music, like it was the very blood in their veins.

_**So I made a choice.** _

_**I ran.** _

_**I ran and never looked back.** _

_**I didn't want to bring my regrets with me, so I stopped holding back from the things I always wanted to do.** _

_**I wasn't scared to get contact lenses anymore.** _

_**I ate what I wanted instead of worrying about my weight.** _

_**I took music with all its high and mighty directives and played it the way I wanted.** _

_**And then… I told a lie.** _

_**Just one.** _

_**Are you ready for it?** _

The answer to that question was simple every single time that Beca read through that part.

No, she never was.

Because of everything that lie signified.

That first time she read it, Beca felt herself gasp, surprised. Because she never really saw it coming. Because it had been so easy to believe.

_**Here it comes…** _

It was one of the reasons why it took three days for her to show up again.

_**I lied and said that I, Chloe Beale, liked Jesse Swanson.** _

_**Shocking, right?** _

Beca shook her head every time she read the line.

_You could say that again, you idiot._

Because she fell for that lie hook, line, and sinker.

_**But I'm glad I told it.** _

_**After all, Beca, that lie brought me to you.** _

Beca smiled meekly at the thought of it.

_I suppose you can say that._

Chloe told one lie to get to her.

To reach her.

_**Please tell Jesse I'm so sorry.** _

To be honest, Beca had no idea what to tell Jesse when she saw him afterwards.

But Jesse simply smiled at her and Beca knew, he's always known.

Right off the bat, he realized.

He was the one trying to get Beca to see it too, after all.

_**Honestly though, I'm sure that by the time you read this, he's moved on to some other girl and I'm completely forgotten. That's just who he is, forever in love with the idea of love. When it comes to friends, he's definitely a great guy, but romantically, I want someone more earnest and sincere.** _

_**Also, please tell Aubrey that I am sorry. In my head, I'm just passing through. I didn't want to leave a big mess behind. If there was one thing I could never ask her directly, it was to introduce the two of us together. Think about it: "Hey Aubrey, be a great friend and introduce me to your childhood best friend, will you?"** _

_**I don't think she would have had an answer for me.** _

_**I'm not gonna say anything else, that's for Aubrey to know and tell you yourself. Just trust me on that.** _

Beca didn't really need to ask Aubrey anything. She could sort of get the picture already.

And for Aubrey, she seemed to be doing better too.

Really, she was just relieved with what's happened since Beca found the letter.

Beca could only imagine how much of a wreck Aubrey would have been if that wasn't the case.

_**Still, that underhanded lie that brought me to you didn't work out the way I imagined.** _

_**When life finally brought the two of us together, you were different from what I'd imagined.** _

_**You were stubborn, and passive, and pessimistic.** _

Beca chuckled.

_Gee, sorry._

She could be flip about it, upset. But Chloe was telling the truth there.

Her world had become so dull, and lifeless, and gray.

And it stayed that way until she met Chloe.

_**Not to mention the fact that you stole my leggings.** _

Beca could imagine how Chloe would say that to her face.

_You lost them I found them, there's a grave difference_.

Because no matter how many times Beca would clarify the situation, of course Chloe would ignore it.

Even in a letter, Beca felt like she was powerless to refute the argument.

This, despite being actually in the right.

_**You were melancholic. You grumbled and mumbled your way through responses. And you were gentle, no surprise there.** _

_**You were darker, and meaner, and stubborn.** _

_**But softer and sweeter too.** _

Beca smiled softly, she was glad Chloe saw that light in her, that tiny bits of good.

There were days she didn't even know it existed.

And in the end, she was glad Chloe saw that side existed.

_I guess it didn't hurt to give a compliment after all._

_**Remember when we jumped off that bridge? The water beneath us felt so amazing.** _

_Yes._

_**And the moon shining down at the music room when we practiced late, and how it was like we could grab it on our tiptoes?** _

_You were more beautiful than that, I didn't really notice._

_**Riding your bike when you brought me home late night felt kinda perfect too.** _

_I never thought such a simple moment would bring me so much joy._

_**Being at school after dark, it's mysterious, right? I'm still sure that there was something there.** _

_Again, I was more or less distracted by you. And yes, there was. But not an air of mystery. It was some unspoken thing between you and I…_

_**And the snow when you carried me to the rooftop, it looked like cherry blossom petals!** _

_I'm glad the flakes blossomed to life instead of melting._

_**You must think I'm silly, finding wonder in the everyday things around us, things I saw with you. I think it has something to do with being a musician. To have your heart so filled by something that comes from off-stage but they're such little things.** _

_**It's weird, isn't it?** _

_No, I think you're right. I think it's amazing._

_**Because the most unforgettable scenes can be so trivial, and vice versa.** _

_That's actually true..._

_**So, what's the verdict? What do you think?** _

_**Do you think I made it into anyone's heart like that? Live inside someone's heart?** _

_Yes, of course._

_**I wonder, have I made it into yours?** _

Beca looked up.

The hospital room never looked brighter than it did as her eyes landed on a sleeping Chloe. The surgery had been rough, they nearly lost her a few times.

And Beca was so damn thankful they didn't.

That's why she smiled with tears in her eyes as she thought about Chloe's question.

Because there was only one answer to it.

_You barged right in as if you owned it._

And all that Beca really wanted to do was tell Chloe that truth too. With her own voice and her own words.

But she needed the last three days to clear her head all while Chloe started to recover herself.

With her violinist still asleep, Beca found herself focusing back on the letter at hand.

Because every time she read what was left of it, she always made a promise to herself to make whatever time they have left count.

Every single one.

To make memories that will last life times over.

To watch never ending sceneries for as long as they could together.

_**Do you think you'll ever forget? Will you remember me a little from time to time?** _

_If the day comes when you're gone and I forget you, I know you'd come to back to haunt me._

_**No hitting the reset button!** _

_As if I ever would._

_**Don't forget me, that's a promise, okay? If you forget me, I'll come back in the end.** _

_**Because I don't want to start over.** _

_**Please don't forger me. Promise me.** _

_I won't. So we better make amazing memories to last a lifetime and more._

_**I'm glad we found each other. I'm glad it was you.** _

_You have no idea how happy I was too._

_**Will I reach you? I hope this reaches you Beca.** _

_You always did. You were the only one who's gotten through to me._

_**I hope I did. I hope I reached you.** _

' _ **Cause here's the truth, Beca Mitchell…**_

Beca felt her heart skipping a beat every time she reached that point of the letter.

The first time around, Beca found herself on the floor and on her knees, never expecting those three words to be true.

_**I love you.** _

(thoughts) And no matter how many times she read it, it always felt new.

Like it wasn't enough to read them.

She had to… she needed to hear Chloe say them too.

_**I love you. I'm in love with you. I always loved you from out far. I'm sorry I didn't say it then.** _

_**But I love you, Beca.** _

_**I love you** _

Beca hated herself for never saying anything. And she could think about all the missed chances, the regrets that came with all the 'what ifs', all because she held the words closely to her chest and Chloe was afraid to break the silence and end their charade.

But not anymore.

Beca won't let that be the case anymore.

_And I love you too, Chloe. Next time though, I'd like to know before you give me a heart attack._

They were still on borrowed time, Beca knew. She understood that now she knew the truth from Chloe's mom and dad.

But she won't give up the fight.

And she'll find ways to keep borrowing more time.

She's done giving up so easily now.

Beca stole another glance at Chloe, her head turning slightly at her direction, still asleep. She smiled lightly at herself at the promise of that tomorrow.

Of having a chance for a tomorrow.

Certain she's still not awake, Beca bid her time by finishing the letter again.

_**Sorry I never finished the canelés.** _

_You can eat the new ones I bought._

_**And that I was so hard on you.** _

_You were rightfully hard._

_**I was such a brat to you. I'm sorry… for everything…** _

_I'm sorry for being difficult too._

_**Thank you.** _

_**I love you.** _

_**Chloe Beale** _

_**PS: I'm giving you one of my favorite pictures. You don't have to keep it, but I hope you do.** _

Beca took out the picture in the envelope. It was a photo of Chloe next to a few of her classmates from the piano school. Right behind her, at the corner of the picture, was Beca on her way to mete her father. She looked back to see the group taking a picture. From the start, Chloe had her.

A piece of her at least.

All because Beca unwittingly photobombed their picture as a clueless and curious kid.

Beca couldn't help but chuckle at the thought.

"So you can laugh?" she herd Chloe say drowsily as she stirred awake. "What's so funny?"

Beca looked up at her with a smirk as she raised the envelope up, the letter all folded up by then, peaking out of it, the picture in her hand.

A look of panic flashed in Chloe's eyes as her cheeks flushed red. "Y-you weren't supposed to read that!"

"And you're not allowed to right a heartfelt goodbye letter ever again. You don't tell me important things in a letter, you say them out loud." Beca argued. "Do you have any idea what hell you've put me through?"

Chloe looked away for a minute or two but refused to address anything Beca said. Instead she asked her own question. "So, you know?"

"Yeah." Beca answered simply.

"And Jesse and Aubrey?" Chloe followed up, still sounding quite tired.

"They figured it out before I even did." Beca admitted.

Chloe turned to face her again, and Beca sighed in relief as she saw the ocean blue eyes she was afraid she had already lost. "I'm glad you're fulfilling your promise." she said, grabbing a soft hardbound folder from her backpack that was set on the floor. Beca crossed the room, handing it to Chloe who examined the contents curiously.

"You won." she said almost breathlessly as she smiled that light smile that made her look like a glorious angel.

"I did promise you that." Beca replied. "Luke had to accept that in my behalf because I was here, a sobbing mess." Beca replied and Chloe simply nodded. "Chloe, listen to me."

Beca then said to gain her attention. "One more time, okay? This time it will be the perfect symphony in your head. I promise you that. And will live in the hearts of everyone we reach with our music."

"Beca, I…" Chloe started to say.

But Beca was way ahead of her. "I know Chloe. That's why we'll fight. We'll struggle. We'll make the most of it." she said with a conviction she's never had before.

Chloe simply nodded.

"Chloe?" Beca then asked so softly, shuffling closer to Chloe's bed. Chloe looked up, a question forming in her eyes.

She hated that her heart was still beating so loudly even though she already knew.

"I love you too." Beca found herself saying, the truth slipping out so easily.

And Chloe beamed at her. "Good. Because I love you, Beca Mitchell. No matter what happens next. I'll always love you."

Beca smiled.

She knew that to be true without a shadow of a doubt.

She'll always have Chloe's music.

She'll always have Chloe's love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy hearts day!
> 
> Did I mention I'm doing my own ending? :3
> 
> It's not permanent bliss, Chloe's still ill, but at least they get a shot at making more memories together, a shot at being them.
> 
> Something they didn't have with the OG series as the character Chloe was based on dies during surgery and she sort of says goodbye to Beca's character in the OG during his performance on stage.
> 
> UPNEXT: An epilogue to soothe your feels…


	20. Spring Waltz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca returns home after five years...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the delays. Admittedly, I got distracted by the men’s figure skating event for the winter Olympics…
> 
> Can you blame me? I’m a figure skating fan. <3
> 
> Anyways, here’s the epilogue. Sorry for the still bittersweet undertones, but I gotta keep it realistic somehow.
> 
> In my head, Beca’s piece when she performs sounds like ‘Reminiscent’ by Yiruma and the one they watch later is ‘All Myself to You’ by Yiruma. Check them out, you won’t regret them! :D

It’s been five years.

Aubrey had to admit, the music hall in their town never looked so much smaller. She’s gotten used to the bigger, grander, spaces that she’s watched her friends perform over the past few years. She’s also gotten used to the charm that some of the smaller and all but forgotten music halls in New York held.

Especially when it’s filled with such music that’s filled with so much heart.

“I’m still getting used to seeing you by yourself, Posen.” she heard Stacie say as she walked towards where Aubrey stood in the lobby. Aubrey shook her head and smiled.

“That was a business trip, I never thought I’d run into you in Vienna.” she replied.

“Well, not everyone decides to stay local.” she replied with a shrug. “Although this little town of ours is becoming more and more interesting yet again.”

“Where’s your sister?” Aubrey then asked.

“Ah, she sneaked onto the backstage area with Luke and Avril.” she replied. “How did you know she was here?”

Aubrey gave her a look of disbelief. The answer should have been obvious.

It slowly dawned upon Stacie, however, and she chuckled. “Right. Anyways? Jesse? Amy? I saw Lilly with her former mentor earlier already. And I think I saw Denise with that friend of yours, Cynthia Rose.”

“Jesse’s running late. He said he’ll bring a date with him. As for Amy, she had an emergency to deal with regarding that guy she’s currently dating. Someone named Bumper, I think?”

“And those two groupies who’s friends with the violinist?”

“Don’t call them groupies.” Aubrey replied. “And they’re visiting Chloe to keep her company.”

Stacie simply nodded and briefly looked away. “So I guess we’d have to step in by ourselves?”

Aubrey smiled. ‘Well, we have each other.”

“Huh, funny how that turned out to be.” Stacie then said thoughtfully as the two of them stepped inside.

* * *

 

“My, my, look at how you’ve grown.” Luke remarked as he stepped backstage with Emily and Avril, noting how much of a grown-up Beca now seemed to be. “Now, I don’t mean literally, in case you think it does.”

“I see somethings never change.” Beca commented.

“We’re just happy to see you back in town, Beca.” Emily then chirruped. “How are you feeling? For tonight’s performance?” she then asked, sounding concerned. “It’s your first one alone for a while.”

But Beca shook her head and smiled lightly. “That’s where you’re wrong Ems. See, this is why I’m the teacher and you’re the student.” she replied before someone called on her to get ready.

“I suppose we have to let you go.” Luke then said. “We promise to be at your place for dinner nine sharp.”

“Nine? I though we planned eight?” Beca stooped on her tracks to ask.

But Luke simply shrugged. “Sometimes, moments alone with someone special are needed. Just be thankful we’re considerate.” he replied as he watched Beca go on her way.

“Think she’ll be really okay?” Emily then asked as soon as Beca left.

And Luke smiled. “She’s right, you know? She won’t be alone on that stage. The memories we make, the music we’ve played and lived through, it’s inside of us forever. That’s why even if it’ll be her first time playing by herself again, to Beca, she’ll still be playing with Chloe.”

Emily nodded, she seemed to have been getting it.

But that wasn’t Luke’s concern at the moment.

Truth be told, he was just happy to have seen Beca blossom.

 

* * *

 

Beca felt light as he fingers hit the keys. This was the first time she played the piece without Chloe’s violin matching every note and evoking true heartfelt emotion.

But it can’t be helped

They had four years of sunny days, making memories. Spring was mostly still spent at the hospital after Chloe’s operation a she continued therapy. They spent quite a good time outside though, just admiring the scenery. The walks were good for Chloe, it always was. It took her mind off of things.

Summer allowed her to finally have some enjoyment. It was filled with last minute beach trips and watching fireworks at the park.

The next couple of years so them readjusting to things.

After Beca’s performance that winter’s day, she got offers from pretty much all the top music schools. One in particular had already been interested in Chloe as a violinist as well. With her condition, they had to be transparent and the school still accepted them both. They moved to New York, and as if it had been Fated, they had access to one of the premier facilities that specialize Chloe’s case. Helping her with rehabilitation, especially when things get bad.

It was many moments of ups and downs, and pushing each other to practice like crazy.

It was many months of playing piece after piece, dazzling the crowd, leaving them speechless and in awe of their pure talent.

And as Beca played that night on the stage they first played together, she couldn’t help but hear Chloe’s music accompany her once more, the powerful sound of the violin only she could hear, moving her, pushing and pulling her heart in all the right ways to evoke the right emotions.

They moved back just a month ago, mostly following Chloe’s top doctor who decided to move into the town as well. Things were getting bad again, her hands shaking as she tried to hold her bow.

But instead of crumbling, Beca chose to be stronger.

They’ve been through this a few times over.

She’s not giving up now.

Not now when she’s given her heart to Chloe.

_I’ll play. I always will. I won’t turn my back on music._ she thought before catching a glimpse of the ring on her finger.

Beca found herself smiling despite the somber notes of the piece.

No, she won’t ever give up on it again.

Not when that’s how she’ll keep Chloe alive even after she’s gone.

Not when that’s how she’ll keep all the memories they have together alive for the rest of her life.

_We’ll live in the notes forever._

But that’s for another day.

For now, Beca focused on all that she had that she was thankful for.

 

* * *

 

“Oh, you’re back.” Flo noted as she saw Beca walk into their little café just before they closed. “I mean, I know you’re back, I saw the ads for your performance everywhere. I just, I didn’t think I’d ever see you walk through those doors again after you and your girlfriend left.”

Flo could still remember the day she first met the lovely couple, that day when they taught her Mozart’s version of _Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star._

She didn’t get to see her from sometime, not until Beca returned looking all gloomy one day, asking for a box of canalés.

She kept coming day after day, and Flo kept watching the sorrowful reaction in her face.

Until one day she stopped coming.

And then she came back looking determined.

And then hopeful.

And soon, she came back with the redhead.

It was weird. They weren’t friends, they were more like acquaintances who exchanged smiles and talked a little, but Flo felt like she’s know them like family, seeing their story unfold through her eyes.

And listening too.

Because after they both started coming back, Beca Mitchell started to play on the café’s piano again, with the condition that plants be taken off of it and they take care of it better.

And on the last day, before the two headed to New York, they said goodbye to their favorite – at elast Flo insists it was – café.

“Would you really be that surprised?” was Beca’s response.

“The usual then?”

“Yup. Thanks.” Beca replied, noting the piano still in the café. “I see you’re taking good care of it.”

“You made us promise.” Flo then replied. “Come back soon with your girlfriend.”

“Wife.” Beca replied with a smile as she pointed to her ring. “And we’ll see.” she replied before Flo watched her leave.

Flo found her way to the piano after closing up, gently hitting a few keys. She’s not a master of notes like Beca Mitchell, but she had been playing on the piano to keep it happy.

It seemed to put a smile on their customer’s faces too.

Soon, Flo started playing a simple piece, the same one Beca first played for them, wishing that their two patrons would also find a smile on their face that night.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, where’d Jessica and Ashley go? I thought they’ll be keeping you company?” Beca asked as soon as she stepped in their bedroom. Chloe was one the bed, watching something on her laptop. By the faint sounds Beca could hear, she was watching one of their last performances together.

“Oh, they went to pick up the take out order for dinner.” Chloe noted looking up with a smile as Beca made her way over to the bed and sat next to her. She leaned in closer, Beca wrapping her in her arms as Chloe trained her eyes back on her laptop with a light smile. “How was it?”

“Not the same without you.” Beca noted as the part of the piece they had played then where Beca resumes her accompanist position to let Chloe’s violin take the reign started.

Chloe smile grew bigger.  “I wish you could have been there.”

“You were.” Beca instinctively replied.

“What do you mean? Because I’m pretty sure I was stuck here. Bree sent a video immediately after the performance though. You were great.”

“That’s because you were with me.” Beca then said. “Didn’t I tell you? You live inside of me. You, your music, it’s what brought me to life. It’s what saved me. So no matter what, people will always know that. You reached me, Chloe. And through me, you’ll reach them too.” she went on, trying to stop herself from getting all teary-eyed.

She hated it when Chloe would get all sentimental like that.

She already knew they were on borrowed time, Beca didn’t need to be reminded. As if she’d ever let a moment between them slip by so carelessly.

Besides, even when it’s down to the last second, she’ll always fight for Chloe.

Whatever it was she could do.

Chloe pulled Beca closer, nuzzling onto her side. “Didn’t know Friend A had such a mushy side.”

“Well, that’s what happens when you marry Friend A.” Beca noted. “Now, our friends pretty much decided that they’ll all be an hour late. We’ve got plenty of time, would you mind if we stayed like this for a while.”

“We can stay like this forever if you want.” Chloe replied with a smile as she quickly set the laptop aside and returned to her former position.

“Perfect answer.” Beca then said, just focusing on everything that was Chloe.

She didn’t want to think about the dark days that might come.

She’ll fend them off as best she could for now.

And even if they come, Beca knew, she won’t ever let music escape again.

No, she’ll fight for it.

She held onto Chloe as she thought about how lucky they have been to even have this moment now.

How lucky she was that she met this girl in spring under the shade of cherry blossom trees.

How lucky she was that she struggled, she suffered, she fought and have gone through everything they did together.

Because if they never happened, Beca’s world would still be in shades of grey.

But now, because of it all, she knew, no matter what comes next…

She’ll always live in that colorful spring with Chloe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, this emotional rollercoaster is over! Fun fact, I fist watch this anime when I was writing a very angsty, sometimes depressing, sequel of a fic, so I do apologize for the overwhelming sadness of that one (particularly in the beginning) if you’ve figured it out. What can I say, music affects me deeply.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the story. I’m busy with a few work things but I plan to get chapter 20 of ERASED up by Sunday. The last 5 chapters might stagger a bit or I might wait until the end half of the week to start updating again. If you haven’t read it, check it out. It’s Bechloe with murder-mystery elements and time travel.
> 
> Also, I haven’t forgotten my last ongoing fic (A Twist in the Story). I’ll start focusing on that again and keep a regular upload schedule after I finish ERASED.
> 
> Thanks for all the support! You guys have been awesome readers!
> 
> -theHypersomniacGrad

**Author's Note:**

> I plan to update regularly at least twice a week but for the first three chapters or so it might take a week/a week and a half in between each. Comments and reviews are always appreciated! Thank you for the patience :)


End file.
